#feeling dumb

[certifiedsungod]

With EC shutting down there goes all my hope for any future Rosen content whatsoever

I feel so silly for being upset over this but at the same time I can't deny that I definitely am oml I need to work on not getting this attached to fictional characters

I'm so pissed I'm unfortunately unironically hurt however dumb and overreacting that may be considering I'm more hurt over this in relation to Rosen specifically than anything else

Ueuahehhs

[lilliarty127sv]

I feel attacked each time I open my Tumblr...

It's from this post for curious people!

[butterflypeaflowertea]

annoyed that i somehow lost track of time this weekend and missed a bunch of deadlines for cool-sounding opportunities i probably would not have landed anyway. but i’m annoyed i didn’t afford myself the chance to try

[lycosofscribes]

I accidentally answered a question no one asked, the question being, Is non fiction useful to fiction writers?

Depending on what it is you're writing. Let's say you're doing something in 19th century Irland. What kinds of clothes would your character wear? What technologies would be available to them? What socio economic class does your character represent? Will their sex/gender influence how they're treated?

A glimpse into a history book or research can help you with much of this. Or perhaps it's purely a fantasy realm? You still need an idea of how the environments you create work, a few articles on various biomes can help as well as Biology so you can have an idea of what creatures would dwell within. Like a fantastical ever green forest of towering camp fur like purple pines, with great thunderous beasts dwelling amid the branches as fusain grasses sway in the breeze. What are the predator prey relationships like in this biome? Or perhaps you need to understand a perspective that is vastly different from your own, such as a world warry fae that's figured out how to blend in with humans? Or a steal eyed assassin, jaded by a world that scorned them? Biographies can be very helpful there.

[tealandmajestic]

I saved a Dwight and he was teaming with wesker... 😭

[crimsonprose]

ngl, some of you intimidate the fuck outta me. like, I go look at your page and it's got 70s punk rock or impressionist lesbian art or whatever, and I'm all like "I want to follow them, but what if they go look at my page and all its got is lottienat and caitvi" 😭

idk, man. imposter syndrome just follows me wherever I go, what can I say?

[furiousgoldfish]

This is something I experienced as a child, that I don't fully understand yet, but it contributed greatly to me feeling like my parents are right and I must be stupid. I want to know if this happened to everyone else.

So there would be times when I would be under immense pressure from the abusers, and they would try to force me to understand a concept, but mostly by shaming me and yelling at me for not getting it and repeating some kind of, very general and non-explanatory claim that apparently should have been enough for me to get it. But I could not, in my brain, make a connection, I'm not sure if it was because at the moment I was terrified, pressured, ashamed and threatened, or if I was too young to figure it out. Sometimes my mind would go completely blank and I would not be able to take in new information at all, even though I desperately wanted to understand.

However, years later, I would remember that same thing, but now I had more context about it, more knowledge that surrounds it, more ideas on how things work, and even without thinking about it more, I would suddenly understand what they were talking about. I don't know if it's the additional knowledge of the world that would help me put it together, or if it was brain development, or something else.

I had a similar problem at school, where sometimes things would be explained generally, and I just didn't understand it, I couldn't see the process of how the thing worked, and it was being said like it was something easy to understand, that I should have figured out instantly, and other kids seemed to get it. It left me permanently confused and worried that I must be somehow stupider than anyone else.

But, again years later, when I ran away from the abusers, I looked at the same concept and it made perfect sense instantly, and I didn't know how I couldn't make sense of it earlier.

Nobody had ever bothered to sit down and explain anything to me, even in school I was expected to have basic knowledge and build up on it. But growing up abused meant the most simple concepts were not explained; instead parents would say whatever suited them most was the truth, or tell me to stop being annoying with my questions, and I was left in the dark over the inner function of, pretty much anything. Sometimes, even when I did learn something at school and came home with the new knowledge, they would decide that it was trivial, wrong, unnecessary, and simply false. Which also made learning harder because I had to question everything, at all times.

Not being able to understand what others could instantly made me believe that I was in fact, stupid, and it made it more difficult to believe my own senses, my own conclusions, it made it difficult for me to know that my own thoughts, opinions and conclusions had any value at all. I often ignored my own instincts and senses and took for granted what others told me, which later often proved to be false, and just manipulative misinformation.

After escaping abuse, my mind cleared up and I don't know if I can attribute it to my brain finishing its development, but things are now extremely easy to understand, and any concept I struggled with before, comes naturally to me. I think at least a part of it had to be about me being in fight-or-flight mode and whatever brainpower I had fully focused on staying alive. I could not figure out some concept that made no sense to me in such a state. I also think it's possible that I just lacked so much general knowledge, I lacked references to put those ideas into context, I could not connect the knowledge to anything I've seen or experienced before, because I had no experienced that many things, but other kids have, so they could make the connection.

I'm also suspecting that maybe, general and vague descriptions of things were something I rejected because I needed to understand something in depth in order to feel like I am familiar with it, if I only had the wide general idea, I still counted it as 'not knowing', until I had some intimate experiences with inner workings of it. And with more life lived, I had more experiences, and became familiar in a way that made me confident about understanding it.

Did anyone else have a similar experience, and do you maybe understand why it happens this way?

[gitgellerimgeldilergidemediler]

Sometimes, I feel like I am wrong. I mean, everybody is right; they are on the right path, they are talking right, living right, but I am completely wrong. When I feel this way, I tell myself, "No! Your way is just different." and I know that's true. But the point is, knowing the truth doesn't make me feel better, and that's the real struggle.

"Bazen kendimi yanlış hissediyorum. Yani, herkes doğru; doğru yolda, doğru konuşuyor, doğru yaşıyor ama ben tamamen yanlışım. Böyle hissettiğimde, kendime "Hayır! Sadece, senin yolun farklı" diyorum ve bunun doğru olduğunu biliyorum. Ama işte mesele şu ki, gerçeği bilmek beni daha iyi hissettirmiyor ve bu da beni çok zorluyor."