#feeling dump

[turtledove848]

Kind of an emotion/class doodle dump...?

[fallenconstellations]

it sucks when you start to realize that you’re nobody’s favorite anything

[persephones-journey]

Putting this under a cut because I don't want to ruin anyone's holiday but I just need to vent about this...

My grandmother's friend brought us some cookies. I told her I invited my mom to Christmas tomorrow but I wasn't sure if she was going to come because of the roads but that I was use to that; ie: my mom not being there.

And this friend starts talking about how it's Christmas and I should forgive my mom and everything.

And I was polite and just nodded but now that she's gone, I am losing it.

I am so hurt and angry.

She has no idea what my mom has done to me. Or how my mom is NEVER there when I need her.

When my grandfather was sick in the hospital, I broke down and called her and I told her I needed my mom. I needed her to be there for me cause I had no clue what the fuck to do. AND IT WAS HER FATHER IN THE HOSPITAL.

Did she come? No.

I had to deal with everything. I was there alone with my grandfather when he did. I told my mom to come but she apparently thought it was more important to drive my brother around the city that day.

And now, this first Christmas without my grandfather, I'm being told to just forgive her. And to love her.

And honestly, yeah, she gave me life but that's where it begins and ends.

She never raised me. She never nurtured me. She never loved me the way I needed to be loved. She only loved me/wanted me when it convenient to her.

So no, I can't just forgive her. I'm still too raw and hurt by her latest rejection and brush off of my needs and feelings.

I only invited her for my grandmother. I have learned to live without her in my life. And the last thing I need is to reach out to her again only to be shoved aside.

I'm 37. I have learned that lesson over and over the hard way.

[vote-gaara]

Send me Gaara headcanons, talk to me about your OC or anything Gaara related.

I may not respond in depth to them but they will be deeply appreciated.

I would like something to look forward to during one of the darkest times in my life.

This is going to be very personal but very brief and I need a place to trauma dump, I guess.

I'm separating from my partner, which means I will have to up and move back home to a different part of my country.

I'm leaving behind a lot: My garden, my chickens and dog, my work, and even the love of my life. Not to mention many valuables, but these pale in comparison to everything else...

I'm losing everything, and it hurts. A lot. But sometimes dark times are needed in order to move forward to something lighter.

I suppose that this is a lesson that even though two people can love each other very much, sometimes love just isn't enough.

Thanks for reading, and thank you in advance if you decide to drop into my inbox to bless me with some Gaara content.

[luvrface]

i love every single thing about you. from your hair that’s so fun to play with, to your forehead that i love to kiss. from your eyes that are hypnotizing to look into, to your ears i like to rub. from your nose that i press mine against, to your soft lips that i could kiss forever. from your jaw that i hold when i kiss you, to your neck i sometimes choke. from your chest that i love to lay on, to your hands that i hold. from your stomach that i love to tickle, to your hips that bring me happiness. from your legs you use to walk towards me, to your feet, which you have to use your tip toes to kiss me sometimes.

i love your personality that shines brighter than the sun, you’re simultaneously so smart and so silly, a perfect balance that makes you so charming. the love in your heart shows through constantly. you’re so interesting to learn about. i’ll never get tired of hearing about you. or looking at you. or touching you.

i love you so much, my love ♡

[acyanidedippedpen]

005

i can vividly remember you asking me who my best friend was, i said that i didn't know. i dont think im able to answer that because different people hold the keys to different parts of my personality. some hold the keys to my heart, some hold the keys to my smile, some hold the keys to my past, some my rawest vulnerability and feelings, some my sin.

so i cant truly explain or state who my best friend is, as different people hold keys to unlock certain parts of me. i could see how much that i hurt you in that moment, i really wish i could take back my words but since i can't i figured it only right to explain myself and my thoughts. some people that may not seem "the closet" to me, may hold some of the "most important" keys, and those who seem the closet to me may not have every key, to unlock every day.

after all, how can they? it's not a failure if someone doesn't have every key to every door, it's okay if someone doesn't have any keys, and it's okay if those closet to us don't have every key. the million-doored mansion that makes up my personality, as you so eloquently put it wont be able to overlap perfectly with anyone, and that's okay.

but i will say this, you hold a single key ring on your hip with lots of keys, clinking together.

                                                                                    to the one holds the keys to my heart,                                                                                                                                                                                       A.A.K

[in-the-trashcan-where-i-belong]

Damn, I love my mom and dad so much? I know whe didn't always see eye to eye but ever since I finally talked about my depression our relationship got so much better. They are kind, encouraging, caring, they let me take my own decisions now, they provide everything they can for me... And my mom? An angel. A genius. A whole support system. My biggest cheerleader. I would do anything for this woman