I told someone recently that I am learning how to interact and view myself in a new way these days. I have been on a journey towards physical health and have lost about 85lbs so far and learning to interact with myself in a positive way is new to me. My influences growing up did not view themselves positively and therefore I had followed suit. I have spent years picking a part my appearance to see what is less attractive and been unable to fix all of the things. The reality is that I am wired (either nature or nurture) to see the things that can be fixed and go after them (which is a gift in my work industry...not so much in the internal sphere). The challenge is that the list is always ever increasing and seems to have no end in sight.
One day recently, I put my hair all up in a ponytail (of sorts)…I have never done that in my adult life. I have fine and thinning hair and it is a place of deep insecurity for me. I work to cover it with all the tricks of hair styling (and products...not looking for suggestions here :-). Today I actually looked at myself and saw what I’ve been told is there…a beautiful woman. It can’t be that everyone is lying to me…actually a good friend asked me that one time...”do you think I’m a liar?” It was an incredulous to consider…but that had been how I was treating her words towards me…as lies that I couldn’t believe. I could believe things were wrong with me but considering things being good…was unthinkable.
I could talk for hours and unpack the reasoning about the whys and what my self interaction has been based on....but who wants to read a blog for hours? I certainly don’t have that attention span.
Today I feel more powerful and I feel in control...I also am ok with the fact that I won’t always feel that way. As I look in the mirror and begin to see the person (not just physically) who I’ve always expected to be there, I am beginning to feel congruent with myself. My external and internal working to connect on a deeper level...and that friends is a delightful thing...here in the joyful deepend! May you continue to move towards congruency with yourself and recognize the power that is within and is YOU!!