Whumptober 2020 Ravishing Fenris!
#prompt 9 Memory Loss
#prompt 18 Panic at disco
A Quiet Night, just the two of them in Fen’s mansion
“Let’s see how well you handle this, my Wolf lover.” Zev says huskily, kissing the warrior passionately. Both their ears prick and Fenris gasps at first, his green eyes wide then he moans. The smaller elf pushes him against the wall and his fingers glide expertly over the pale hair and the scars at his neck. The other lets his hands explore Zev’s hips. When they feel the mutual heat, pupils dilate Fenris starts unbuckling Zev’s belt.
“Oh I’ve not done this for a very long time.” His voice is just above a whisper and the tattoos illuminate with the stimulation. Each piece of armor comes off, dropping unceremoniously around them. Zev is more tanned naked, dark trails of Crow marks from his chest circling around his abdomen. The other elf responds by kissing down his throat. “Don’t worry, you’re doing well in this.”
With a deep breath, Fenris leans back to control the lyrium. Zev gazes at him in concern, stroking down his chest which is beaded with sweat. Fenris closes his eyes and motions to the couch, somehow without letting go of each other, he tumbles with Zev below him. He smiles ferally and initiates the next bout of hot kisses. The tattoos flare again causing Fen to wince but he doesn’t want to stop.
“Wait, I don’t want you to hurt, querida. Is it too much?” Although reluctant and heady with desire, Zev sits up slowly, as Fenris lies down, arms hugging himself protectively.The lyrium warrior has never spoken about the trauma of his past, though Zevran can see him trembling and rubbing his temples.
He waits quietly, giving him time politely looking askance at the candle on the side.
“No. It’s some flashbacks, my past with.... some people , that ritual, blurred faces. I’m sorry.” Fenris urges him to lie down beside him and recalls internally the other pleasant flashbacks—how Hawke and him had sex, their fights in tandem. But those memories aren’t ready to be shared, because Hawke was his alone. He rides the wave of thrill, joy, then sorrow when she collapsed lifeless. His hands glowing, had he ripped her heart out? No blood, or wound only that she had suffered after effects of the flaring lyrium song. Fenris was screaming and shaking her, then the whiteness overtook the rest. Day of the wake, his friends questioned why didn’t he attend it? Didn’t he care for her to pay final respects?
How can he face them? No one suspected he caused her death, thought it had just been the exhaustion of the final battle and a cardiac arrest. Zev sees the other’s beautiful eyes fill with crystalline tears, his heart aches.
The tightness around Fen’s chest loosens as he gives in to his raw emotions. He had wanted to confess, especially to Aveline who had been especially kind to him. Fenris just lost his voice and willpower as each year passed. It’s my burden to carry, and I will atone for that. How many times had I contemplated killing myself, to join her? But Varric, Donnic and all of them got so worried for me. Yes they never left him alone, scared that he’d self harm and do some rash act. Being a mercenary, then asked to be a regular soldier in the barracks eased the agony somewhat. But he didn’t want to date or be with others- women or men. At least he could be vigilant in her memory.
Fenris emerges from his reverie, also remembering he did blurt it out to the precious girl, under his wing. Because Sabriel had been confident his powers wouldn’t hurt friends, her fervent belief that he is a hero and defender of the weak. Guilty of that unspoken demise, or murder? His worry of them letting down their guard, of accidents happening, if the Fade were to possess his Will. I have to warn them, I may become a danger. That vishante man’s legacy condemning me to a ruthless existence of slaying—
Disobeying, sojourn and being stuck in the Dark hate swirling. But they pale off --- forming smiles, jokes and her small hand touching me assuring me not to worry, it won’t happen. My ledgers are run red and soaked, those can’t be redeemed, not what I did to the Fog Warriors and my dear Hawke. I can’t possibly let these remaining people down. Not when they continue to take care of and have faith in me. So I miss her badly, but I won’t take my life!
She would have wanted me to live on happily....and his inner turmoil gradually stops churning, becomes a soft simmer.
Spent and dry of tears, Fenris rubs his face and sniffs. The other elf softly brushes his tears with a silk handkerchief.
They cuddle and kiss. “It’s alright. I am here.” He strokes his trembling companion and waits for him to calm down. What happened inside?
The lyrium elf heaves a sigh, looking up. Although his green eyes have a fatigue sheen, Zevran can tell that he is not disoriented and panicked anymore. Fenris murmurs, “Thank you. I can’t really talk about it, but they were not all nightmares. Had good memories....”
Fenris doesn’t finish the sentence and drifts off to sleep against Zev’s shoulder. Ah, I really did want to hear him, but--- perhaps another time, the Antivan muses.
The night is getting cold, and they are undressed. Gingerly, Zev unfolds a blanket to cover them both. Fenris flinches from the fabric brushing his sensitive skin, but does not awaken. "Don't worry my love, it's to keep us both warm ok? Relax." He whispers, lying down to admire his slumbering companion. Zevran had his own ritual tattoos as well, but they did not cause lingering chronic pain. He fights a great desire to touch his lover's tatuaje * , but does not want to shatter the delicate trust between them.
It had taken almost a year and more for the shy warrior to feel comfortable disrobing in front of him, and each time, Fenris expressed that others had forced themselves on him so he had deep concerns about sex. So they had just lain in the same bed, exchanging stories until they fell asleep. And in a few hours, Fenris would go back to his own room. Now the Antivan's heart swells with joy. Fenris murmurs in Tevene, rolling back closer to him. Zevran smiles and plants a kiss to his lips.
