romantic dinner (derogatory). . .‧˚꒰📱꒱༘‧
pairing: Will x Hannibal x reader
genre: incorrect quotes • groupchat messages
notes: always kind of wanted to do a few of these cheeky incorrect quotes / messages and hannigram x reader are kind of silly now that I thought about it... so enjoy ?
MINORS DNI!!
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─── ꒰ 💬 ꒱ ───
Hannibal: You looked exceptionally beautiful in the kitchen today.
You: aw :(
Hannibal: Watching you work beside me was deeply stimulating.
Will: what did you do
You: NOTHING??
Hannibal: Your knife skills are improving remarkably.
Will: oh no
You: I JUST HELPED HIM PREP DINNER
Will: what kind of dinner
You: meat?
Will: what KIND of meat
You: i don’t know??? he said “don’t worry about it” and handed me gloves
Will: jesus christ
Hannibal: Your hands were very steady.
You: thank you <3
Will: this is how he talks when he’s impressed by murder...
Hannibal: That is an unnecessarily crude simplification of events.
Will: am i WRONG
Hannibal: Rarely. Unfortunately.
You: in my defense i didn’t ask questions
Will: that’s actually worse
You: HE LOOKED HAPPY
Will: that’s ALSO worse
Hannibal: I found it intimate.
You: hanni :(
Hannibal: You should have seen them separating connective tissue. Very precise.
You: okay but if it helps i got kinda nauseous halfway through
Will: thank god
Hannibal: And yet you persevered admirably.
Will: there it is
You: now he keeps looking at me weird from his desk
Will: yeah congratulations you activated his “instincts”
Hannibal: That is not what this is.
Will: hannibal you literally called them “exquisite” three separate times
Hannibal: They were.
You: he also kissed my hand :(
Hannibal: Their hands were covered in blood, Will. It seemed appropriate.
romantic dinner (derogatory). . .‧˚꒰📱꒱༘‧
pairing: Will x Hannibal x reader
genre: incorrect quotes • groupchat messages
notes: always kind of wanted to do a few of these cheeky incorrect quotes / messages and hannigram x reader are kind of silly now that I thought about it... so enjoy ?
MINORS DNI!!
masterlist
join my taglist
─── ꒰ 💬 ꒱ ───
Hannibal: Will wore my sweater today.
You: cute!
Will: mine were dirty
Hannibal: You also look exceptionally good in it.
Will: don’t start...
Hannibal: Why not? You’re very attractive.
You: guys i am at WORK
Will: sorry
Hannibal: My apologies.
Hannibal: Though in fairness, Will did send me a photograph first.
You: WHAT photograph?
Will: it was just the sweater
Hannibal: It was not “just the sweater.”
Will: ...
Hannibal: His sleeves were rolled to the elbows.
You: okay now i get it
Will: can both of you stop about my forearms
Hannibal: No.
You: no ❤️
Will: you’re both unbelievable
Hannibal: And yet you continue indulging us.
Will: maybe i like attention
Hannibal: I know.
You: oh my god GET A ROOM
Will: we all share a room
Hannibal: I look forward to removing the sweater from you later.
You: HANNIBAL???
Will: you will also be there, no?
You: I am at WORK
Hannibal: Then I suggest you refrain from checking your phone.
Will: he’s got a point there
You: WILL DONT ENCOURAGE HIM
Will: for the record i think you both looked good this morning too
Hannibal: How generous of you to finally mention it.
Will: you knew already
Hannibal: I prefer hearing it regardless.
You: i am begging you both to flirt literally ANY OTHER TIME
Will: no
Hannibal: No ❤️
Hannibal: You dislike witnessing our affection?
You: NO i dislike witnessing it while deborah from accounting is standing behind me...
romantic dinner (derogatory). . .‧˚꒰📱꒱༘‧
pairing: Will x Hannibal x reader
genre: incorrect quotes • groupchat messages
notes: always kind of wanted to do a few of these cheeky incorrect quotes / messages and hannigram x reader are kind of silly now that I thought about it... so enjoy ?
MINORS DNI!!
masterlist
join my taglist
─── ꒰ 💬 ꒱ ───
Will: i feel like our life is missing something
You: romance?
Hannibal: Passion.
You: spontaneous sex?
Will: jesus christ no, i was talking about getting another dog
You: oh
Hannibal: That is significantly less exciting.
Will: there’s just kind of an emptiness in the house lately
You: we have SEVEN dogs
Will: yeah but i think we could round it out to eight
You: honestly when you said “our life is missing something” i thought this was going somewhere else...
Will: why does everyone assume that
Hannibal: Because usually when one of us says something ominous it precedes either sex or violence.
You: or both
Hannibal: What kind of dog were you envisioning.
Will: i don’t know yet
You: this means he already found one
Will: maybe
Hannibal: Show us the dog, Will.
Will: you cannot judge him.
You: we literally helped dispose of a body last week
romantic dinner (derogatory). . .‧˚꒰📱꒱༘‧
pairing: Will x Hannibal x reader
genre: incorrect quotes • groupchat messages
notes: I am not from the USA and I also dont celebrate 4th of July, so please enjoy my mid at best take at this!
MINORS DNI!!
masterlist
join my taglist
─── ꒰ 💬 ꒱ ───
You: happy fourth of july!! can we go watch the fireworks tonight?
Will: sure
Hannibal: Certainly.
Hannibal: Though I fail to understand why Americans celebrate by collectively traumatising every animal within a five-mile radius.
Will: finally something we agree on
Will: the dogs have already started hiding
You: i'm making them blanket forts
Hannibal: I shall prepare calming tea.
Will: for us or the dogs
Hannibal: Yes.
You: hannibal please don't wear a three-piece suit to watch fireworks in a field
Hannibal: Why not?
You: because you'll look like you're attending the assassination of a president
Will: historically accurate outfit though
Hannibal: Thank you, Will.
You: THAT WASN'T A COMPLIMENT
You: hanni where are you anyway?
Hannibal: Acquiring ingredients.
You: for burgers?
Hannibal: ...
You: HANNIBAL FOR BURGERS RIGHT
Will: answer carefully
Hannibal: For burgers.
You: why did you hesitate
Will: because technically that's not what he was hesitating about
You: everyone else is grilling hot dogs, the burger is already a compromise
Hannibal: An unfortunate misuse of time and ingredients for both.
Will: don't start
Hannibal: I merely have standards.
You: i swear if you make foie gras for a backyard picnic I'm leaving...
Hannibal: It is quail.
You: ...
Will: fireworks start in twenty minutes
You: i've got blankets
You: snacks
You: all seven dogs
Will: that's eight dogs
You: WHAT
Hannibal: I was wondering when they would notice.
You: YOU BOTH ADOPTED A DOG WITHOUT TELLING ME???
Will: technically we rescued him
You: HOW did you even convince hannibal to get another one?
You: will... did you allow this quail for 4th of july nonsense?
Will: that and
Will: attached is a picture of Will in nothing but USA flag underwear
One thing you must understand about our rewrite (/hj) is it's polyamorous as hell, us and @starance / @romeave-wives-club refuse to choose between some ships
Examples include:
Aph x Aaron x Zoey <- bbg polycule
Dante x Nicole x Nana x Michi <- cosplay polycule
Gene x Sasha x Zenix <- rebel polycule
Travis x Katelynn x Lucinda x Jeffory <- gem polycule
Ein x Blaze x Kai x Vylad x Sol (self indulgent as hell, but this is for fun sooo) <- feral polycule
Bonus points: MCD!Garroth, Malik, and Matilda had a triad pre-series <3
Because listen I am a simple creature, I like relationships and romance, I am polyamorous, and this Aphverse Rewrite is my pet project
(The focus isn't romance, it's just an aspect)
Feel free to ask about any of the dynamics though, they're always fun to talk about 🙏
