your harry and hermione fic is gross why would you write that
I honestly don’t know whether to be fascinated or creeped out, nonnie! I’ve had my anons back on for less than a day, and I guess some people might be flattered that you were potentially waiting to send me this, but I’m just… snorting too hard to let myself get as impressed as you might have hoped, omg, I’m so sorry.
But since I can’t do that for you, I can at least answer your question (and geez, I’m seriously touched that you’re so interested in the motivations behind my creative process!!!! <3). There are two reasons I wrote Love Him More:
1) It was a birthday fic for my friend @femmequixotic, who deserves all lovely things and likes the ship, because she understands (like we all should most of us can) that she’s allowed to like more than one thing, and doing so doesn’t cancel out liking another. That people are complex creatures — both things I tried to point out in the fic. Like in this excerpt:
He pulled back, stricken. His mouth dried; he couldn’t meet her gaze. But her soft hand tilted his chin up. Her eyes glistened with moisture, but looked at him steadily, and it was as if she already knew what he’d been thinking, knew and wasn’t disgusted by him. It was like she knew, and loved him still, and without thinking, Harry pressed forward and kissed her.
Hermione surged against him with such an utter lack of surprise, Harry thought she’d waited lifetimes for the contact. Waited and waited, preparing herself all the while, because she was Hermione, and that’s what she did.
Later, he would make a comparison in is mind as he ran his hands over soft brown skin, her body tucked into his, a snore issuing from her mouth. Later, he’d think about Ginny, and the way Hermione’s mouth was fuller than hers, the way her kiss was hungry but less forceful. He would think about the heat of them both, Ginny’s lean, tiny body and Hermione’s round curves. Later, he’d think of Ron, and of how Hermione and Gin belonged to him, somehow, the same as Harry did.
Or (because I love giving examples and the fic obviously engaged you enough to send me this), this one:
His face was hot with shame — not for having done it so much as how he wanted to again, every time he felt scared. They slept together for warmth now, the three of them, Ron in the middle. Sometimes Harry’s hand brushed hers, and they both pulled away as if scalded. Sometimes Harry’s hand brushed hers, and their fingers tangled, and they didn’t let go. Harry never knew which night would bring what.
It’s lonely. For the first time since the war, he doesn’t know where his friends are — just that they’re out there, together, and away from him. It should feel good; he knows he should be happier for them, but… he’s not.
He pulls double shifts every night for a week, training recruits and in the field, then collapses into bed and sleeps for twelve hours. When he wakes up, it’s dark and he thinks of Hermione in the way he does when things are dark and quiet. Thinks of Malfoy.
He Apparates to a muggle club across town and fucks a stranger in the alley outside it. When he gets home, he stares, and sleeps, and wakes up to do it again.
He doesn’t feel cold. He doesn’t feel anything, for awhile.
The second reason actually relates to the first in that way: I wanted to explore the depth of conflict we can feel when we love someone. How there’s no one way to do it, how loving someone wholly or for a long time doesn’t negate how true your feelings are for someone else. I tried to do this in a series of ways, as the title references: Harry and Hermione loving one another in a real and unshakable, but entirely untenable way, because they both love Ron so much, the implication that Ron might know about what happened in the forest and love them both enough that it doesn’t matter, Harry falling in love with Draco and Draco’s reasons for understanding his struggle. (And omfg, my apologies for that, I’m just getting the feeling you were so entranced with the Harry/Hermione portion that you might have missed some of the major themes? Forgive me if I’m wrong. AND I’M SO SORRY FOR REFERENCING THE HEAVY DRARRY TOO, I KNOW YOU DIDN’T MENTION THEM IN YOUR ASK!!!)
Themes tend to be a big thing for me when I’m writing. The major ones here were longing, and understanding the nature and depth of love. How it can be different but just as important no matter who we feel it for, how it’s not something we have to give up if someone is grossed out by the ship how dare anyone write it to love something more and be truly happy.
Also, fwiw, I hardcore headcanon Harry as bisexual and you’ll see that in a good 70% of my fics.
But anyway. That’s the why of me writing my Harry/Hermione! Please feel free to send me more questions about it, I LOVE when a reader shows interest like that! It’s really exciting to be able to give in-depth explanations over fics, to reference some of my favorite bits from them (which I’m sure you were enthralled by), etc. Also, when I get asks like this one, people tend to go read whichever fic was referenced (though no one is obligated, of course, even if they are way more polite than this asshat and I’d hate for any of them to read something of mine that made them uncomfortable), so tysm for helping to boost the hits and kudos on Love Him More!!! That’s really sweet of you, and I appreciate it so much as it’s a personal favorite of mine.
Thanks for the ask, nonnie! I hope you have a wonderful day! :D
