☀️ June 28, Noodleburg: Today’s Happenings ☀️
A digest of moderately accidental events, preposterous local customs, and whatever that is over by the duckpond
🪑 City Council Attempts to Ban All Furniture That “Looks Judgy”
In a 3-2 vote, the Noodleburg Town Council passed a preliminary motion to outlaw all chairs with “arrogant upholstery” and “cross-armed backs.” Councilor Blorp Hammerschmidt cited his great-aunt’s Victorian settee as the root of his deep-seated insecurities.
📍Where? Town Hall Basement (don’t ask why it’s also the yoga studio)
🕘 When? All day, until someone brings snacks or justice.
📡 The Tower on Moth Hill Is Emitting Sounds Again
A soft humming followed by what experts describe as “a wet yodel in Morse code” has resumed from the long-abandoned Broadcast Tower on Moth Hill. Scientists suggest wind; conspiracy theorists suggest ghosts; the mayor suggests we stop asking.
📍Where? Moth Hill, behind the semi-sentient billboard.
🕘 When? Every 47 minutes, give or take a squirrel.
🎲 Competitive Daydreaming Finals at the Library
Six finalists will compete in silent, seated imagination contests judged by a panel of librarians, cloud readers, and one extremely sleepy raccoon.
📍Where? Noodleburg Public Library (Quiet Room, but rowdy today)
🕘 When? 14:00 sharp, or whenever everyone zones out enough.
🛶 Unauthorized Canoe Parade Continues Into Its Third Month
No one knows who started it, but a line of elaborately decorated canoes continues circling the dry fountain downtown. Participants paddle through imaginary water with unsettling dedication.
📍Where? Maple Plaza Fountain (currently bone-dry and full of beanbags)
🕘 When? Nonstop. Someone brought a fog machine today.
🐦 Crows of Mild Concern Now Holding Press Conferences
The Committee of Slightly Alarming Crows issued another statement this morning: “Caaaaw. Soon.” No further questions were taken.
📍Where? The abandoned umbrella factory rooftop
🕘 When? Every time you look away