#files;solo

[ravkatarina-blog]

from there to here

( tw: mention of illness!! )

backtraced: 6th year.

this is the last day.

the last day she’ll have to see dorian.

this was her last day of hogwarts.

this was her last day of seeing him.. smile.

katarina promised herself that it’ll all over be soon. that she would eventually disappear from his life just like that. she’s forgettable, she knew that much. there wasn’t any specialty behind her existence besides that she was a half-veela and sorted into the ravenclaw house. she was a typical, simplistic girl who had too many issues going on behind closed doors. issues she wouldn’t dare speak up to her best friend, dorian. in this case, she told him everything from head-to-toe except for one monster that rendered her fragile—

leukaemia, they called it. she had a check-up awhile back, only to find out that she wouldn’t have much time to live if she didn’t go through chemotherapy. she couldn’t imagine it, if the pain of the illness was much to bear or the fact that she wasn’t going to see her best friend in forever. she was putting everything that meant so much to her, all behind.

she knew that her long-flowing light brown tresses would be chopped off in a couple weeks. she knew that it wouldn’t be the same, the state her physical health was going to be. she couldn’t allow him to see that. not those that she cared for. katarina, at the very least wanted to write an owl to him or even better, a letter she could give to him in person. in the end, she decided to write a handwritten letter that she could give to him in person

inside the envelope was written:

dear my dearest, precious fruit oppa,

this is katarina writing to you. do you know how much you mean to me? do you know how much you are very precious and dear to me? you mean a lot to me, you know. as i write this, i may or may not be here anymore.. we’ve shared a lot of good times. a lot of memories that kept our friendship strong. you’ve made me smile so much. you’ve made me so happy that i forgot that burden i was going through because of my parents. you know.. they’re not the best right? but, i’m glad to be here at hogwarts because of you and my friends. you guys kept giving me a reason to fight and on and on. but unfortunately.. all good things must come to an end. including us, including me.. and you deserve better.

trust me, i didn’t want to hurt you. in fact, i think even if i don’t know what’s going to happen in the future.. i think it’s best to say that i can’t be here for you anymore. as the tears stain this letter, i’m not sure how much i have long left to live. i wanted to tell you this in person, face-to-face but i can only weep like a child and write it on this letter. i’m going to disappear for a while. that’s why i said i wouldn’t be here.. for you..

also.. i’ve always liked you.. more than a friend.. just so you know. you big fat idiot. <3

sincerely, katarina valentina.

please take care of yourself.

i’m doing this for the best.. forget me. please..?

she wrote the letter a night ago but when she wanted to give it to him, she couldn’t. she only kept it buried in a box, full of secrets, like her illness. something she would never tell him.

she was leaving today, her bags packed with her clothes and all her belongings. she was going back to barcelona in ten minutes. a flight back to the muggle world.

[ravkatarina-blog]

i still love her

a rose was once a symbol of heavenly perfection and earthly passion, sora was much like a rose to katarina. breath-taking and bestowed with effervescent beauty, she knew what she had lost. gone, just like that. a rose she couldn’t keep in her selfish, sinful hands. she had tainted the rose, ripping off the petals one by one to the point that there was nothing left. katarina could call herself a murderer for destroying the poor girl’s heart.

then again, she never meant any of it. not the way she left with a silent goodbye. up to this very day, she still found herself to be the scapegoat ( and should be held responsible ) in regards to her ill-treatment towars sora. it was easy to say that life went on and on, continuously playing and never stopping. but, to find herself atoning for her sins was another path she wanted to take. she had to, she needed to. for the lies she had set up, the fact that she never wanted to wave her hand “goodbye”.

the lingering feeling still existed within the shattered shards of her heartbroken soul. she’ll miss sora now and forever. the feeling of someone having lay against you, to hold hands, share such joyful intimacy was a blessing. nothing that she should’ve took advantage of.. i am an idiot.

it was another one of those nights where she found herself overthinking, mulling over the same muses before passing out. but this time, she wasn’t going to sleep peacefully.. not with the way this woman was invading her mind. she’ll always have a place there and in her heart.