so I'm actually making this post non-rebloggable even though there's art attached bc I wanna take the pressure off the reblog button and focus more on the thoughts I want to share. :]
basically, I've started to hit a point in my personal art journey lately where I'm scared to start things because I'm too hung up on the idea that I'm not "ready" to tackle them with my skill level, and if I make them and I'm not happy with them, I'll feel like I've let myself down.
to note: I've never struggled with the idea that my visual art has to be "perfect;" oftentimes widely-circulated wisdom about "you don't have to make it perfect, you just have to make it" has never done me any good, because I know my art isn't perfect, I know my skill level is "hobby" lol and I know I'm "behind" a lot of other online artists, but this idea has never bothered me. the only reason I'm hitting a similar rut now is because I want my art to make me happy, and I've been getting tangled up in the idea lately that if I can't attain those coveted dopamine hits for myself, then I'll have wasted my time (and the idea of that sucks!)
so to try to dislodge this particular kernel of Bad Cope lol I've been revisiting some of my older art pieces in order to remind myself: I can always go back. this "Starshake" drawing - when I first made it in 2020 (drawing on the left), I finished it thinking "well, it doesn't really hit the vision I had. but I'm glad I made it because I wouldn't have been able to stop wanting to try the idea out and that would have taken up brain space." and I think that was really healthy tbh! i made it more for the fact that I wanted to try an idea out that wouldn't leave my brain lol and less because I wanted to "have" some product at the end that made me feel like I'd spent my time well. and now that I've gone back and revisited it (drawing on the right) I have finally expressed the original intent! xD this is what I'd wanted to do all along. my first try years ago I was like "hmmm I want the colors to kind of swirl in the glass, I guess I should smudge them together, make some cloud shapes on top, add some sparkles" but now I have the experience and skill level to actually plan out what methods of drawing would actually give me the look I wanted. it needed to be swirly in shape, not just a blend of different colors, and I wanted to draw the clouds following those swirls, add some fade, have the sparkles stand out by virtue of contrast rather than just applying an "add" layer on top, etc.
the thing is that the process of going back and building on my original vision using the skillset I've slowly acquired in the time since was really satisfying and self-actualizing because I could recognize in what ways my thought process had changed to enable me to do better by my original idea than I'd have been able to at the start. and if I don't make my ideas when I have them and keep holding out on them so that my "skill level" catches up with what I want to make, I'll never get to have that process again. :c so I want to try to iron out this weird anxiety that's developed in me and leave it by the wayside because it really doesn't serve me at all. xD
hope you like the new starshake :D thanks for reading!
