I went to a nerdy science math high school and my dad is a mathematician/chemist/physicist who speaks German, so you can imagine – I was raised to be a skeptic. to QUESTION everything I see and hear and only judge with my senses.
Fast forward to today. So God has really challenged me to believe in what is unseen, which is so difficult for me, naturally in the flesh. Today he convicted me because while I was praying this morning for an hour (and trust me, he showed me like really intense things I needed to intercede for, like a vision of the enemy and a legion of fallen angels/demons trying to grasp at Nomi Network http://nominetwork.org/an org my friend started, and I shared it with her after my time with God and she said she had the same exact nightmare except it was about her and not her org!) as well as pictures of the persecuted church and friends and etc.
ANYWAY, He convicted me about my heart. I felt like He said, Katherine, my dear daughter, you receive and believe that I can heal, that I can speak, that I can deliver, that I can save people from spiritual and physical death, and do whatever I want whenever I want. YET you don’t believe that I can provide for your finances, why don’t you think I am a numbers guy, too!? Look again. I said Look again. Not with your natural eyes but with spiritual eyes. BELIEVE. Boom. Conviction. I’m weeping at this point.
Last week, a young lady and I were just practicing to speak with the authority God has given us and honestly, I did not receive anything she said to me. I didn’t even record it or write it down because I was just not really believing it. She was decreeing spiritual blessing over me and I was like yeah ok, and I don’t even remember what she said. That’s how deaf I was. Yet when I spoke financial blessing over her, she was like, tearing up and saying God was using me to convict her. SO THEN. This Monday, one of the pastors after a time of worship and praise said he felt like some people in the room needed financial breakthrough. I’m already all the way up front so I just walk up two steps and BOOM, I’m convicted. I’m repenting. I’m ugly crying and snot is everywhere. It was really nasty (sorry fellow classmates) but seriously, God convicted me of all the words I’ve spoken over myself before in the past. Words like, “I’ll never have money.” “I don’t need money cuz I’m not greedy (whoa that’s pretty prideful of me.” “My family gambles we’ll never have money saved.” “Everything is a financial ruin.” “I’m not a numbers person and I can’t budget, I just spend.” ALL THESE LIES. So in that very moment God was healing me and breaking some of these lies I had spoken and marinated in for so long. I just felt like God told me to pay my credit card bill, and I was like wow, $2338.81, that’s a lot of money! But I went about my day. On my way home in the car, I realized, oh my goodness! I only have a little over $1000 in my checking account – how am I gonna pay for my chase card? We get home, I’m distracted, fall asleep and forgot about it.
Next morning (Tuesday), I get an email from Capital One that’s like “Your payment has been rejected because the amount was sufficient.” And I’m like, ok yea, typical, it’s gonna say I have some overdraft fee or something. Right? NO. WRONG.I check my Chase card account and it said, “Payment Received – thank you” balance is $20. And i’m like.. WHAT?! No I don’t believe this. So i Kept checking and checking and nothing changed. No email telling me to pay again. No email saying there was a mistake. Just “Payment Received – Thank you” and no money was taken out of my checking account at all. I’m so confused. I tried transferring money from my checking to my savings and back and forth. Still, no change. I’m so confused but leave it alone, fully expecting to receive some email or call saying that I need to pay up.
Ok, fast forward to last night (Wednesday). I finally have the guts to tell someone that this happened. I told Krystin. She’s like yeah man. And I’m like but I just can’t accept that God has paid for it. She’s like yo pray. Again, I check my accounts, and feel led to give to King’s Park Church, and you know, nothing really changes.
SO THIS MORNING. What a mess I was from all the crying! I just was able to finally see that GOD HAS done a FINANCIAL miracle. Just because He loves me. He doesn’t have to do it. His love for me would not be any less if He didn’t. BUT HE DID IT just because He loves me. I’m ugly crying in the shower, just in so much gratefulness. God says, “I am Your great reward, will you just trust me?” Thank you God for healing my heart and my eyes to be able to see that you do care. You do care. Please let me use the money you have given to me to bless YOUR kingdom. YOUR kingdom.