heaven knows i’m miserable now
pairing: mike wheeler x reader
genre: enemies to lovers, eventual smut
previous: one, two, three, four
song: heaven knows i’m miserable now; the smiths
synopsis: after crash landing at the wheelers torn up, confused, and raged with an unforeseen and growing appetite, you and mike confide in each other about the past.
the rain was louder than you’ve ever heard it. it beat the ground with such force that made you question if the world was ending. you were twitchy, fast to notice things. it was almost as if the world around you was moving in slow motion. you were somehow in the center of it all. the street lights illuminated the town so brightly, you questioned if you could see correctly. the world was somehow all the same, but yet entirely different.
you walked along the side of the road. you needed to clear your head. forget what just happened hours ago. cleanse it from your mind. make your brain go quiet. but it was all so loud. you swore you could hear your thoughts.
you walked aimlessly. you truly had no destination in mind. you just felt you were misaligned, maybe it was the loss of blood from the bat bite earlier, but you concluded a walk may help reset you.
as the rain soaked your hair, clothes, shoes, and pulled your mascara down your cheeks, you recalled the pain that surged through your veins when the creature sunk its teeth into you. it was as if you could still feel its presence. as if you now could feel its hunger. as if now it owned you. that’s what the rain was for, to drown out these compulsions that occupied your head.
you recalled your friends immediately checking on you. helping you up and on your feet. you remember running. sprinting despite the pain. you remember mike pulling you by your hand. you remember how he was the first one to your side despite how he was probably the farthest from you. you can still hear his voice speaking to you. so softly, but yet so concerned. “what were you thinking you could’ve gotten yourself killed. pretty girl don’t ever do that again. not for me.”
you remember your words to mike as you stood up. how you steadied yourself against him before looking up to meet his eyes, “i’m not done with you wheeler. who would i bicker with if not you.”
it was all surreal. this other life that lived within hawkins. a life you were once clueless to, you were now apart of. more today than yesterday.
you recall seeing your friends beating the bat that decided to take you on. mike wheeler never left your side however.
you didn’t know the weight to which that bite would impact you, change you, create a you that you didn’t even know could even exist, so in the moment, you decided to hide the bite. it would heal. you wanted the gang to worry about you as little as possible. mike already had enough to feel bad about. you didn’t want him blaming himself for this too.
after walking memory lane, you realized where your feet had taken you. straight to mike wheeler’s front door. hair soaked, image a mess, and injured no less. to top it off, your senses even more heightened than just minutes before. worst of all, your body was overtaken with an insatiable desire that you didn’t believe could be calmed. a hunger that you didn’t believe could be satiated. it was all unlike anything you've felt before. euphoria overwhelmed you, you thought you might become engulfed by it.
despite your confusing and consuming feelings, apparently even in subconscious, mike is some form of a god given solace. maybe he could help ease the burning feeling that lingered inside of you. though you didn't even know where to begin, so how the hell would he.
you knocked. slowly. painfully. you begged whatever god you were unsure you believed in for the person that swings the door open would be no one other than mike.
mike immediately felt a pang in his stomach. seeing you this way was gut wrenching. he couldn’t do anything but step out onto his porch and wrap his arms around, engulfing you. totally unphased by the rain you and the sky were both soaking him with, he didn’t know what to say. he didn’t know what was the next to do. so he held you. as tight as he could.
“mike,” you spoke in almost a tearful whisper. “i had nowhere else to go.” at this point you began to truly tear up. you unhooked your arms from around his waist and moved them up to his neck so you could somehow get closer. this hug mike offered you, it was healing. it was unspoken agreement that mike had meant something to you.
you pulled back to look him in the eye. a place you so desperately would have tried to avoid hours ago, a time when life was much simpler. your arms remained wrapped around his neck. “can i stay here tonight michael?”
“you can stay as long as you need.” mike smiled. any other time, the idea of you asking him to share his space would be a dream come true, but right now, the look in your eyes, the fearful way you asked, he concluded something was off with you. even your skin felt cold. however it didn’t matter, mike would do just about anything for you.
as you and mike stood embracing each other in the rain, that compulsive hunger began screaming inside of you again. it was as if mike’s closeness was making it worse. louder. stronger. you noticed his pulse in his neck, you felt his heart beat rapidly against you, you could even feel the hair on his neck rise from your touch. you could only assume the heightened emotions you were experiencing directly correlated from the fear and pain you felt earlier. you were just in a state of shock. at least that was what you told yourself as you created some distance between you and mike hoping those two things combined would make you a little less aware of just how delectable he looked. you needed to not be so aware that you were craving mike wheeler, apparently in more ways than one.
mike held the door open for you and you walked inside. you turned to face him once the door shut behind him. “where’s your shower?” you asked bluntly. maybe hot water will wash away all your thoughts and feed the desire that lives within. “it’s right upstairs, come on i’ll show you the way” mike spoke kindly.
“okay. here it is.” he stuttered before continuing. “everything u need should be in here. okay y/n, holler if you need anything! i’ll be in my room across the hall.” mike was just about to turn around and leave but then he stopped. he froze. he entered a flight state before running his eyes over your figure, specifically your stomach. “princess, are you bleeding?”
mike didn’t even let you answer, he rushed to your side, pulled up your water soaked shirt just slightly to reveal a giant chunk of your skin torn apart in a bite like shape. “did this happen earlier? oh, god this is all my fault.”
you looked up and realized it was your turn to speak honestly to him. just as he had for you. “while i certainly do not forgive you, ive always trusted you wheeler. i chose to prove that to you. besides i probably just need to cool off, my body is burning. i feel like i need something but i don’t know what it is i need. all i know is the feeling inside me, it’s insatiable and consuming. sorry i didn’t show you the bite earlier. i knew you’d freak.”
mike wore his puppy eyes that were the size of texas. “can i get a closer look at this, maybe i can help.” he less so formed that as a question and more a statement. you acknowledged him with a sweetness that was ridden with fear as you nodded. you were scared that your wound would cause mike panic.
mike was nothing of the sorts. he was calm. he was brave. a true leader. you understood why his friends were so quick to go into supernatural battles for him. but what you really didn’t expect from mike was to watch him get on his knees before you.
you began to panic now. your emotions were oddly heightened and seeing mike at your service below you, well it stirred different type of hunger. one that had you questioning if you should jump on the counter and slowly spread your legs telling him to worship you. to kiss up every square inch of your legs before putting his mouth, that mouth he likes to run so much, to a much better use.
“mike.” you breathe out. its breathy and uncertain. as if you know the words your were about to say would be regretted in due time. “we can’t do that. you can’t do that. i’m still mad at you.” you meant none of that. but it was the right thing to do. at least if you told yourself this enough times maybe you would believe it.
“i’m just taking a better look at you wound.” he looked up at you through those submissive looking eyes as he pulled up your shirt, a smirk plastered on his face. “besides, you’d have to beg for that.”
“what are you not much of a pleaser michael wheeler?” you cheekily questioned.
“oh no, i love giving. but princess, as perfect as you are, i’d still need to know how much you want it, how much you need me. i’d have to hear you say it. mmmmm, that part would be solely for me. getting to watch you mentally decide what to do, just like you’re doing right now.” mike stood back up. “it’s almost half the fun.”
“in your dreams, michael.” you assured him confidently, but there was nothing confident about your voice. nothing at all.
“it’s all hypothetical, don’t worry, i’m not pouncing on you. anyways,” mike stated awkwardly. “rinse that off, clean it good. you have to take care of yourself sweet girl. if i didn’t already say it, thank you for today. you saved my life. i had no idea that bat was coming right for me, it would have bit my head off. to put it frankly, i’m even more indebted to you than before so, thank you. i will never forget this. my friends, they were right, you are selfless. thank you.”
the shower felt so good. you didnt remember a time where water trickling down your spine left you feeling so euphoric. that post action high you were experiencing, unfortunately did not seem to die down, if anything time passing only spurred it on. made you more acutely aware of everything. if you didnt know better, youd say you almost felt superhuman.
“mike” you truly startled him. you stood in his doorway soaking wet with a towel draped around you. he spun around quickly to look at you. “yeah?” he questioned. there was something different about you, mike could sense it. today changed you. he couldn’t dwell on it too long because those perfect lips of yours began moving. “could i borrow some clothes.”
mike scrambled to find you something. something that wouldn’t cause you to scoff, though despite the perfect stool you sat your life upon, he doubted you would react so shallowly. he let that boy he used to be creep back in, the one who believed you were more than who people believed you to be. it was dangerous, but just like back then, it was worth the risk and this time, he welcomed the rush. he wanted to let you in. damn the destruction it could potentially cause, again. he’d give you his heart, in more ways than one. even if you’d never know.
“here’s some sweats and a hoodie of mine. sorry if they smell weird, or fit you odd, they’re comfy though, some of my favorites.” he awkwardly laughed. somehow dropping the i hate miss former hawkins high act and immediately reverting back to nerdy michael wheeler. unbeknownst to you, that boy always had a soft spot with you. even if you thought it just spurred after he apologized.
mike took in how his clothes fit you. they looked better on you than they ever could on him, even if his sweats pooled around your ankles a little too much and his hoodie reached down to your thighs. the oversized look was cute. mike liked you in his clothes. the possessive, harsher around the edges mike, who still very much existed despite his sweetness to you, acknowledged that there was a certain ownership over you he felt seeing you wearing what belonged to him. it was as if you belonged to him. as if he owned you. and he reviled in that feeling.
however, it wasn’t the possessiveness he exhibited that made his heart stir. it was the earnest, pure, innocent way you looked so human. mike had always seen you in what you’d probably say was up to par. you, beautiful you, with your half dry, half wet hair running down your back and your beautiful natural face on full display. you were unmasked. a true display of vulnerability and trust, reciprocated trust. it was raw. it was heavenly. mike wheeler always knew you were beautiful. it was inevitable to comprehend and impossible to miss, you lit up every room he ever did see you in. but god, you, the real you, were so much more. if that was even humanly possible. the realization made his heart clench.
you on the other hand felt exposed, but safe. despite your complexity of feelings regarding mike wheeler, you showed up on his doorstep and he let you in. that had to mean something.
no matter what, you were starving. all those heightened emotions, they never left you. at this moment, standing only inches apart you couldn’t escape comprehending that mike was so close, his body made you nervous, his voice sent shivers up your spine, his eyes made you feel weak in the knees, but most frighteningly, his skin made you ravenous. you’d never felt hunger to this capacity in all your years.
one of you had to speak. had to do something to get your world to stop spinning. so you sat down on his bed, the very edge of it, as if if you went any more centered you’d end up on your back with mike above you. you quickly pushed that heat pooling in your body away. mike was offering you apologies, and sure you hadn’t come around yet. you certainly couldn’t go and complicate things.
mike is hot. you are hot. that doesn’t mean that those two hot bodies are meant to collide. you think just how even a fake kiss messed things up so badly. you would just have to bury this. deeply. and never find a shove to dig it up.
“i have an idea.” you began. mike was skeptical but he sat down next to you anyway. he had no idea what you had in mind. but you had a hell of a day. he wasn’t going to argue. especially not with a girl as pretty as you. his ears were fully open, ready to hear what you had to say.
“we have a sort of what happens in vegas stays in vegas conversation. we speak to each other. tell each other things that we would never choose each other to confide in normally. act as friends. act as a sort of platonic one night stand. we let down those walls we have. figure out the missing pieces in both of our stories. then when we wake up tomorrow morning, we go back to who we are. i go back to the whole i don’t forgive u bit, i probably revel in bitterness and banter with you. and you, michael wheeler, you go back to the boy who gave miss hawkins high the kindest of apologies, but really deep down you still haven’t accepted the past. whatever it was. a past i believe i caused. you will probably revel in banter and bitterness too. tomorrow we will be normal. back to our typical selves. a sort of realigning the earth back to its axis. what do you think?”
it was raw and honest and probably one of the only opportunities mike would get to see you with your guard down. he’d be a fool to turn it down. “you start.” mike spoke softly.
“okay,” you took a deep breath before continuing. “i remember asking you for help with that project and i remember that day at the arcade like it was yesterday. i remember all those nice things i said to you, things i truly meant. i remember that being one of my favorite days of being alive. mike, i was never mean to you.” your voice faultered, it was the first time mike heard you show hesitancy and an awful lack of confidence, you sounded doubtful, “was i mean? did i hurt you mike?”
mikes chest burned. but it was vegas. mike could handle vegas. “no you weren’t mean. you were perfection on paper. i watched you, from afar. all the time. the best parts of my days were when you’d smile and wave at me. i saw something in you. you had something your mouth breather friends did not. you were kind. you were perfect. and i always noticed. even before you noticed me. i even left anonymous flowers for you once. then one day the smiles and the waves became something bigger. you asked me to do your project for you. yeah i know, how pathetic. but it meant i’d get a moment to know the girl you really were. the girl underneath the uniform.” he paused for a second. “not like that,” mike nervously laughed. “but yes, i believed it would be an honor to get to know you. and it was. you were everything. we met up once or twice more, half hanging out, half creating ideas for that project. even in something you were paying me for, you wanted to help. to me, you were the kindest girl. and i was totally enamored with you.”
“then it all changed. the little fantasy bubble i was in, it was popped. right before my eyes.” mike changed his tone. it was much more neutral, but yet so heavy with hurt. “i had your project in my hands. i was walking it to you. i couldn’t wait to see your face light up, to see that smile i thought you only gave to me. i was a teenage idiot. i knew i was seeing something that wasn’t there. but i never held that against you. i’d of sold my soul just to be your friend. because being around you, those were some of my best days too. even if they were short lived.”
“i excelled at all of your cute little demands for the project. embarrassingly, i was excited to see your face light up, give me some sort of approval. i sort of craved the praise. not in a sexual way. just innocence and happiness. you were a diamond in a pile of rocks in my eyes. a rare breed of high school popularity. and then as i got closer to you, you were there against the lockers just a corner away from me. your friends were talking and i didn’t want to interrupt, or embarrass you, or even myself. i didn’t want them to tease me and i did not know what you were comfortable with. i knew it was best to wait. so i leaned up against the wall. and listened.”
“some popular jock spoke to you. about me.” mike paused. “he was teasing you about the arcade. about us meeting in the hallways. about me walking you to your car and you driving me home. the jock claimed that you liked me. his exact words were careful, keep hanging out with wheeler and the world may think you have the hots for the nerd. and if you ask me, i think you do. we all do. tell us, do you think that little of yourself?”
mike looked up at you with those beautiful doe eyes he always carried around. his proximity was so close. you both sat side by side. thighs touching. it was a relatively intimate moment, but the conversation was heavy, heavy enough to drop your heart into your stomach.
“do you remember what you said to him?” mike questioned you. in a way that didn’t make you feel like he was interrogating you, but rather sitting in a pew on the other side of you at a confessional.
because the truth was. in this moment, you remembered. how could you be so stupid to not think about it bigger than what you did or said while in mikes presence. he wasn’t resentful for anything you did to him. it was what you said behind his back. a dumb lie you said to save your own ass. it all made sense now. mike’s unwillingness to accept you, all because you were a coward, and apparently a liar.
“i can tell you,” mike spoke softly. a pain laced through all his words. “mike wheeler is a dumb nerd. i need a good grade in physics and he’s totally obsessed with me. A + B equals…”
“it wasn’t you who was obsessed, mike. it was me.” you interrupted him. nerves flowed through your body like fire. nerves that overrode that growing hunger in your stomach. “god, i was an idiot. a dumb teenager who for some godforsaken reason feared losing how easy i had it. feared losing status. you were good. you were kind. you were beautiful. i am smart, michael. i love collecting knowledge, i’m getting my second degree damn it. i have genius level intelligence and god, i had a high A in that stupid class. high school physics was a cake walk. we’re in vegas and for that reason i’ll tell on myself. i had a crush on you mike. i didn’t need you to help me on that project. i wanted to spend time with you.”
at this point you were standing. your voice full of emphasis. this was your truth. it was the truth. “i wanted to kiss you. i wanted you to kiss me. i wanted to pull you under football stadium bleachers on friday nights and hear you talk infinitely too long about one of your campaigns. i wanted you. i craved a foot in your world, a world i thought i could feel i belonged. and i thought you didn’t want me.”
you paused. “all this time. we never spoke again, because of me. that’s why my project was left on my desk in perfect condition without even a hello. that’s why you never smiled and waved back when we passed in the hallways. that’s why i had to put your payment in your locker because you made it a mission to avoid me. that’s why we became strangers. because i was a coward. god michael, im so sorry.”
“you had a crush on me?” mike now stood too.
you chuckled, “michael wheeler, i used to dream of you.”
the two of you now were only mere inches apart. so much so you had to look up at him. you felt bold so you decided to speak once more. “quite intimate dreams. dreams that would make our little fake makeout look amateur.” you paused mustering all the courage you could. “did you ever dream of me that way too wheeler? did i get in your head same way you did mine? because you know, a boy that didn’t care, wouldn’t have held onto such anger towards someone for that long. not unless that said boy would frequently picture the same things i did. so tell me michael. did you?”
sweet, innocent mike wheeler. how his ears ran red and his cheeks burned bright pink. “everything you felt. i felt tenfold. i thought you were the prettiest girl to ever walk planet earth.”
“too bad those two kids were fools who couldn’t see what was right in front of them.” you spoke almost quiet enough to be considered a whisper. ironic as the two of you now stood right in front of one another afraid to move.
the tension was palpable. sometimes we as humans, we never grow out of our ways. you both were still fools. even though it would likely be obvious to anyone else. you two couldn’t read each other. the past and the present are two completely different entities. you both liked each other. past tense. was colliding your bodies now going too far? you both don’t know and you wouldn’t get find out.
it was nothing more than another missed opportunity. the two of you awkwardly stared at each other starved for the same thing. each other. but despite desire, neither of you moved.
you spoke first. “thank you for today, for being honest. for going to vegas with me. your not too bad, wheeler.” you began to head to the door out of mikes room and into the spare room he had offered to you earlier in the evening.
mike stopped you before you could get two steps out that door. “today was scary. you’re here because you don’t want to be alone. i’m not going to let you be. not if you don’t want to be. anyway, it’s not tomorrow yet, so you can stay, if you’d like, with me. you know the old saying, what happens in vegas stays in vegas. no one’s got to know if you and i happen to share a bed.”
a/n: hiiii! i have like 5 more parts planned out for this story so if you you’ve enjoyed what i have so far, well then yay! thank you guys for reading! i just started my second semmy of my graduate program so know i am super busy but i will produce more parts as quickly as i can!
