Pairing: Steve McGarrett/ Danny Williams, Chin Ho Kelly/Malia Waincroft
Summary: After North Korea, everyone has their demons
⚠ Set just after 2.10 ⚠
Midnight demons talk
Finding herself included in the Five-0 task force's Ohana, was not something that Alyssa expected.
Yes, Danny and Steve had told her to call them by their birth names, and yes, Chin, Kono, and Lori always called her - how they got her number she didn't want to know - to inform her if one of their bosses was arriving into ER.
She even ranted along with Danny on one occasion because Steve was being too stubborn.
But when Malia had invited her over to dinner at Steve's house - "He asked me to invite you, I swear!" - she had been undoubtedly surprised. The dinner turned out to be lovely and joyful: she had met Kono, Chin, and Lori in real life for the first time and Grace had thanked her for helping his Danno when he was hurt; there had been good food, beer, and Kono and Grace hijacked the speaker, in five minutes everyone was dancing.
Danny had been the first to ask her for a dance - he wasn't the best dancer but he tried - then Alyssa danced with Kono, Lori, Steve, Malia, Grace, and even Chin. When she had been able to sit down again her head was spinning but not so much to not catch Danny and Steve exchanging a knowing smile and a gaze full of tenderness above two bottles of beers.
If she would have not been so drunk, she surely would have been fascinated.
She had felt guilty, though, like she had betrayed her old friend in Boston.
She called them the night after the dinner and despite her guilty feeling, everyone turned out to be happy to hear about her new friends: they had been all concerned that she wouldn't be able to open up to anyone.
And so the days had passed.
Then it happened.
She did not know why or how - she did not know how to shoot or how a rescue mission worked - but she found herself sitting on a plane to South Korea to save Steve's life.
She was scared shitless but Danny being almost silent scared her even more. Her blond friend, always vocal and loud, quieted in a silent predator; she hadn't been scared of him but of what he was willing to do to save Steve.
Alyssa had waited with Kono at the "base" and almost ate her nails out. The moment the two of them were told that Steve had been rescued, her lungs started to absorb oxygen again. She had almost fainted and Kono promised to never tell anyone.
When Steve arrived at the base, her work mind had been back in place and she patched him up the best she could.
That night, when Alyssa had seen Danny walking into Steve's room but hadn't heard any of the soothing rantings that always followed the two men, she almost had a panic attack; it was Kono and Lori that had brought her back, telling her that Steve and Danny were going to be fine.
One day and a half later they were back in Honolulu and Steve was admitted to The Queen's Medical Center.
A knock on the door brought her back from the memory of the last few days.
«Come in». She called out, trying not to sound as stressed as she felt. Chin appeared in her office with a smile.
«Hey».
«Hey yourself. What are you doing here? Something wrong?» She asked, maybe a little too much worried.
Alyssa never thought that not having Steve running around the ER for one motive or another would have given her so much anxiety.
«You can stay calm», he half laughed, «Without Steve blowing up half of the city, our work is relatively calm. I am just here to ask for a favor». He said before leaning on one of the chairs.
«A favor?» She asked, sighing with relief in her mind.
«Yeah», he answered. «Danny has Grace tonight, it was a last-minute thing and he doesn't want Grace to spend the night in Steve's hospital room while Kono, Lori, and I have previous engagements we can't postpone. A few minutes ago, I was having lunch with Malia and she mentioned that you didn't have a night shift today».
«You want me to babysit your boss?» She asked, just to make sure. Chin smirked amused.
«Just try not to use the word “babysit” ».
Alyssa laughed out loud.
«I will try but I guarantee nothing», she smiled at his new friend, «but yes, I have no problem in keeping Steve company tonight».
Steve tried to leave the hospital at least five times. The first being at her arrival: she had opened the door to find Steve standing up, his beloved cargo pants in one hand.
She had shouted at him and put him back to bed.
Alyssa, that afternoon, didn't think that keeping Steve company would have been so exhausting. She had joked with all the “babysit” thing but now she understood how much she had been right.
«I never thought that a person with such a temperament could end up being a doctor». His honesty had made her smile.
The other four attempts were a little bit calmer. When the clock hit eleven pm - and ten calls later from Danny - Steve finally had stopped fighting and fell asleep.
Alyssa was so tired that she hadn't noticed she had subsided into unconsciousness too.
She hadn't dreamt. If she had, she didn't remember any of it.
She just knew that a moment she was asleep and the next wide awake. She had balled up on the chair she was sitting on and her back was hurting like the bitch it was, the medical room was dark, and not a sound was to be heard from the corridor.
A nurse probably had passed by because she now had a blanket on her.
It took her a few seconds to understand what woke her up: it was faint, almost nonexistent, but she heard the whimpering again. An agonizing whimper came from the bed near her.
She knew that desperate cry of pain, she heard it before and in the worst night, it came back to haunt her into insomnia. The first time she had heard it, she fled frightened; she had been feeling regretful about it ever since.
But now, almost twenty-one years later, she wasn't a scared child; she was a doctor and her friend needed her.
She was still struggling with herself - her flee-or-die instinct was screaming mercilessly to flee again from that hurtful sound - when Steve's voice raised above whispers.
«No!» He painfully exclaimed, it wasn't a shout but a beg. «Please kill me, but not him!»
Alyssa felt her heart clench and she was by Steve's side instantaneously.
«Steve». She called without touching him. Was this PTSD kicking in or just a terrible nightmare? She didn't know and she didn't want to find out that night, because she knew: if she woke him up and he reacted instinctively, he would never be able to forgive himself for hurting her.
«No!» He exclaimed again distressed, his eyes still close. «Danno, no! Not Danny, not him, please».
Alyssa never heard Steve begged, not even as a joke, and she now found that it was the worst noise possible. It was so wrong in his mouth that she almost started to cry-panic, she didn't know what he was dreaming but she was praying for it to stop.
Steve didn't deserve all that misery.
«Steve!» She called out again, this time in a choked shout.
Green eyes finally opened. Steve was looking around disorientated, his eyes weren't in focus; obviously, he was still more in his nightmare than in reality.
«Steve». She called again and, finally, his eyes stopped on her and seemed to focus a little.
«Lyss?» He asked unsurely.
«Yes, Steve. We are at Queen's Medical Center». She explained trying to bring him back.
«Not North Korea». He said faintly and she shook her head.
«No, Steve, you're home».
«Danno saved me, he wasn't tortured with me».
«Yes, Steve, it was only a nightmare».
Steve sobbed ungracefully and shoved his palms into his eyes. Alyssa didn't hesitate this time, she grabbed his shoulder and squeezed it hard.
They stayed just like that until the brunette's sobs subsided, leaving a peaceful silence in the room.
Alyssa, for the first time in twenty years, felt a little bit of her guiltiness leave her body. She didn't panic, she didn't run away, she stayed put and helped the crazy ex-Navy SEAL; she did what she couldn't have done all those years back.
«Mahalo», she said before she could stop her mouth. Her voice was weak and chocked and her eyes were stinging.
Steve's hands immediately fell from his eyes and he stared at her, uncertain and worried.
«I am not a therapist but I am pretty sure that I should be the one to say that».
Every inch of the tension that had been in the room just minutes before, suddenly, disappeared. Alyssa felt lighter than ever and she even let a few tears escape her eyes.
«Yeah, normally, yeah», she agreed, «but, with my emotional baggage and yours, I don't think we can be classified as “normal” ».
His green eyes searched her face in the moonlight dusk.
«Why don't you sit down?» He asked softly, his voice full of affection. «We can talk about it. You just saw me crumble, I think the minimum I can do is listening to your demons».
Alyssa froze. She rarely confessed her worst remorse, she remembered to have told it once to her university friends. They were opening up to each other and for the first in her life she felt the urge to say it out loud, she had trembled the whole time she narrated them the day her mother asked her to make her suffering stop and she ran away.
She was twelve at the time, she knew that her mother was suffering from hepatitis C for years, and yet nothing had prepared her for that damn afternoon. The way her mother, her rock, had trembled while whimpering from the pain and cupped her hands, still half asleep, asking her child to kill her, to end all of this; Alyssa, that day, had run away from reality for the first time in her life.
She had never escape something before; not even when she was nine years old and woke up one morning to see EMS exit her house with a body bag, in it his grandad corpse.
But when her mum needed her the most, she flew. The remorse that was born that day never left; her mother's death two years after that, didn't help her at all.
And now, Steve was asking her to be open up about it all.
Alyssa studied his eyes for long stretched seconds, searching for the smallest crack of mistrust but all she could find was apprehension and loyalty, she found Steve.
«I always thought that was Danny the one that talked about demons and feeling», she joked as she dragged the chair nearer the bed, Steve giggled.
«Just... Never mention this night to Danno, ever, he will think I am dying if you did. And I didn't say I will “talk” about anything, just listen».
Alyssa waited a few more seconds.
«Are you positively ready for my life story?»
«Yeah, I think I am».
The next morning, when Danny arrived with coffees and malasadas, he found both of them peacefully asleep: Alyssa's head was dropped on her arms near Steve's thigh, one of his partner's hand on top of the woman's black hair.
He took a photo and sent it to their friends.
Neither Alyssa nor Steve spoke about that night ever again, it was their secret to maintain.
They slipped only once, during all the years of their solid friendship, to Danny; they were too drunk and they just talked like they forgot that the blond man was there. Danny let them talked all night long and the next morning he just hugged them.
