Jan 5, 2025
Imperial commanders
first commanders of the First Order
seen from United States
seen from South Africa
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from China
seen from Malaysia
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Uruguay
seen from Malaysia
seen from Russia
seen from United States
seen from Australia
seen from Mexico
seen from China
seen from Slovenia
seen from Germany
seen from Argentina
seen from Netherlands
seen from Türkiye
seen from Türkiye
Imperial commanders
first commanders of the First Order
Guess who's back, back again High-Command's back, tell a friend Your budget is getting cut, cut again
You have reached the Legal Department of the First Order. It has been oddly quiet lately. We thought you'd given up the ghost. Kriff. Welcome back though. Long Live the First Order!
Hux gave you gold stars? That is just bad for you. Like seriously ouch.
Look,
I work VERY HARD for the First Order and I don’t even get fancy distinctive armor like Captain Phasma or the Executioners or whatever the hell a Sith Trooper is.
LET ME ENJOY MY STARS
If one were to attempt to (hypothetically of course) smuggle a companies worth of defectors out how would one go about doing it?
You mean people who want to defect from the First Order?
Sure thing! Here's the simplest way to free people from their duties to the First Order:
1. Lead all of the defectors into the trash compactor on level 13. Make sure to squeeze everyone in all at once!
2. Press the big, green button labeled "Compact." It will open a secret passageway out of the ship. Don't worry about it when the walls start moving: it's perfectly safe. Just hang tight and wait it out.
Trust me.
Spreading malicious rumors of ranking officers can technically be considered treason. Of course I definitely did not hear anything about such things, did I?
Of course not!
Especially because the employee handbook, when referencing rumor-related treason, lists specifically “libel” and “slander,” which both involve spreading either actual lies, or truths that have been...uh, “altered” by the crew in the PR department before their release.
Technically, if a trooper were to spread First Order-related information that is already public knowledge and not yet edited for public consumption, the harshest punishment that person could receive would be three to five days of reconditioning and a public apology/redaction of said information.
~*Technically*~
Some of us actually do read that thing before we sign it.
I should have probably informed you that the (completely hypothetical) defectors are (definitely hypothetically) defecting to the Imperial Remnant.
Absolutely not hypothetically, all defectors are scum and the First Order is where it’s at.
The Imperial Remnant is outdated, inefficient, and (as the younglings would say) old and busted. The First Order is the new hotness. Kylo Ren is a class A douche, but he’s still my Supreme Leader. Get in line or get in the trash compactor.
This line of questioning is beginning to make me uncomfortable. Do I need to call General Hux?
Gold stars from Hux usually mean: Trooper too incompetent/fanatical, send to nearest meat grinder. Tell the boys on Mimban I said hi.
See, now you’re just being mean.
You and I both know that, given the choice between dealing with my shenanigans and investing the time and credits required to train someone to be able to keep this ship running as well as I do, he’d choose my annoying ass every day of the fiscal year.
I'll throw in an box of donuts and an new shiny medal.
I’M NOT FALLING FOR YOUR TRICKS
Also, Hux already gave me some pretty gold stars.