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Hux gave you gold stars? That is just bad for you. Like seriously ouch.
Look,
I work VERY HARD for the First Order and I don’t even get fancy distinctive armor like Captain Phasma or the Executioners or whatever the hell a Sith Trooper is.
LET ME ENJOY MY STARS
S.H. Figuarts Star Wars: The Last Jedi First Order Stormtrooper Executioner.
Had lunch with my buddy AR-T13 the armorer today. There were a couple of executioners a few tables over, also on their lunch break. We gossiped.
I was like, “Why do we even have executioners? They’re not that special. Hell, I’ve killed people and I’m just the handyman. Just look at those smug assholes and their fancy armor. They’re probably looking for someone to tattle on right now.”
“Yeah, it’s kinda crap that the higher-ups have those guys keeping tabs on us. Hux and them are still pretty pissed about FN-2187, so I guess they felt like we need extra ‘motivation’ to keep in line. But I don’t need to be intimidated into not committing treason against the First Order. I have a pretty sweet gig here. I still don’t want some power-tripping butthead to turn me in for saying the wrong thing about the Supreme Leader or the General or whoever, though. That’s why I designed their ‘fancy armor’ in the first place.”
“The cool black stripe was your idea? Why?”
“Tell me, Stevey; would you bitch about the officers nearly as much if you thought there was the slightest chance the person to whom you were speaking might be an executioner?”
“Hell no. I’m very into being alive. It’s kind of my thing.”
“Makes life a lot easier, then, when they don’t look like the rest of us, right? Much easier to cover your ass when you can see Big Brother coming from a mile away.” I must note here that AR-T13 has the cheekiest grin.
“AR-T13, you sneaky bastard.”
“You can pay me back for my thoughtfulness by not dinging up your armor quite so often.”
“No promises, but you’re still a hero.”
“Damn straight.”
Had a chat in the mess hall today with one of the Executioners. I just...cannot get over how much I love their armor. Like, they get these little color blocks to differentiate them from the rest of us and it’s so simple but it’s so chic, you know? I’m a special trooper. I want to be different, too. May need to find AR-T13 and request some sweet new paint apps.
And not the words “KICK ME” across my back plate, like K8-T3 suggested.
She’s such a kidder I love her so much <3
STAR WARS LAST JEDI FIRST ORDER STORMTROOPER EXECUTIONER ARTFX+ STATUE
A specialized soldier responsible for the execution of First Order soldiers that have been sentenced for treason, the First Order stormtrooper executioner joins Kotobukiya's ARTFX+ line of 1/10th scale statues. The statue's signature black and white costume and laser axe are rendered in high detail. The statue's feet are embedded with magnets so that you can display it on the special metal stand alongside your favorite characters!
Available at Lobo Comics & Toys this coming Wednesday, 07/11/2018
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