I'm catching up a little bit with Critical Role right now, after following along with Bell's Hells only sporadically, and I have noticed something: I still enjoy their bantering and shenanigans, but now there are often those moments of "How would I handle this at my table?"
Or in other words, I am not just watching anymore, I'm also learning how to handle a surprise Communion spell, or how to handle choosing mounts, etc. My watching has grown more technical, in some ways, and I don't think I like it.
Because I realised that GMing is still a lot of stress for me, the way I'm doing it now. I thought it would get better when my confidence grows, and it has, but not as much as I hoped. And it's worldbuilding and storybuilding that's still stressing me out, and threaten to overwhelm me a lot. I like doing it together with someone else, but having to come up with cool stuff regularly is just stressful.
The next thing I GM, if I do it again and don't just stick to be a player, will be oneshots, or a module. Because I don't want this stress in my life, but I still love ttrpg, and I kinda also love getting to play so many wildly different characters as a GM. That's real fun^^
