The last month has been a very interesting turning point in my life.I had been trying to establish positive routines and goals, but it felt like I was stuck in a cycle of hopelessness. I had a new commitment to exercise and nutrition which felt great, but problems with work or my living situation were continually interfering with my ability to establish a routine. I was becoming despondent, and slowly receding into my own thoughts: Wondering, had I made a mistake in moving to California? In taking this job over another? Or making a serious financial commitment to a gym I could barely make it to?
I decided I was spreading myself too thin. If I were to succeed, I would have to follow my intuition; I would need focus and determination while shedding distractions. I decided I would do everything within my power to make every gym session I could. I would make myself so sore that the thought of it while I worked would overwhelm any negative thoughts trying to enter my mind. With that resolution, I also decided to give up smoking weed (thanks in part to the encouragement of my lovely sister). I knew that I would be grumpy and depressed while my hormones reset. Damn, the first couple days were a brutal roller-coaster of emotion. I probably would have relapsed into this cycle, had it not been for the advice of my sister to throw every related item into the trash. In return for a picture of said action, she promised to buy me my first tarot deck.
I had been talking to her about my interest in astrology, and hinting about exploring tarot (both of which she already has an interest and knowledge in). As I began to shed distractions and commit to channeling positive energy and growth, I experienced a massive shift. Problems at work were resolved. Which led to the ability to make my gym sessions. Which led to a healthier mind and body, and the desire to nourish and perpetuate this positivity. Better eating, better sleeping, routines falling into place. Time flew, much the same way my spirit was beginning to soar. Then a couple weeks later, while sitting with my sister on my second (unbelievable) day off in a week, she presented me with my first tarot deck.
That night, I decided that while I wait on a couple books to arrive, I would start by drawing a card a day and familiarizing myself with the arcana and history of tarot. As I shuffled the deck and reflected on the past month, this was the first card I drew. I won’t add to an enormous post by adding all of my interpretations, but I feel it strongly represents the negative cycle I was trapped in at first. However, I feel it concluded in a period of positive self-reflection, awareness, and renewal. And it is with that energy that I will continue to look towards the future with hope and positivity (and renew my long lost love of writing)...
