I have no words to describe my disappointment with the 4th season of TUA. Five's character was SO out of character that I wanted to scream!
He would NEVER be in the CIA. He would NEVER have betrayed on Diego.
He would NEVER have been with a MARRIED woman.
He would NEVER have acted SO calm and stupid about everything like a plant!
HE IS EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT AND DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DECIPHER ANYTHING?
I refuse to write anything about him this season. All his virtues; FIERCE loyalty to family, ALWAYS saving family NO MATTER the means, ALWAYS COMING HOME, have been thrown away!
The new Umbrella Academy season is coming out and we need some Five content with his new look 😍. Anything okay including hurt/ comfort and fluff.
God why am I so slow nowadays but yes of course I love five 😩✋
Five hargreeves x reader
Better
He sat sipping on his hot cappuccino sitting on his table outside the cafe, it was still far from lunch break for employees and he was enjoying the emptiness of the place.
"Hello stranger" Ah it seems like like the quietness has gone all of a sudden, he looks up through his sunglasses and smirks lazily at you.
"You’re late" he says.
You tilted your head "And you changed…how long has it been?" You sat down across from him.
"Three years" He sipped on his cup "I didn’t know what you’ll like so I didn’t order anything for you"
"Three years ha? You’re taller now…also I like the new hairstyle, suits you more than the side bang" you chuckled. He sighed and looked at you, really looked at you.
"I would be lying if I said I haven’t missed your awful teasing" He says cooly.
"You also ditched ditched the shorts for good it seems I thought you were loyal to those things and the long pants were just a bit phase"
Five clicked his tongue "Don’t tempt me I still have a pair stocked away"
"No! The horror of skinny exposed knees!"
"Shut up"
"Love you too"
Eventually you two ordered lunch, the place buzzed with life shortly after, you couldn’t help but admires the changes, if someone had told you this is how he’ll look in a few years you would’ve laughed in their face.
Five, your only five now not dressed as some retired middle age man nor in a school uniform, but now in a nice tailored vest with longer hair that actually looked stylish and not annoyingly gelled.
"Liking the view?" He said in a sarcastic tone.
"Maybe…maybe I want to see what else has changed while I was gone" You smirked playfully resting your cheek on the middle of your palm.
He rubs his tongue around his mouth then pushes his plate away and leans closer on the table "Wouldn’t you like to know?"
"Would you like to show me Mr hargreeves?" You bit your lip leaning closer to him.
Five licked his from upper teeth then leaned back on his chair before grabbing his beverage and chugging it in one go "I haven’t seen you in three years and the first thing you want to do is ruin my look? How classical of you"
You shrugged "can’t blame me can you?"
He sighed before reaching his hand to yours "I missed you" he says bringing your knuckles to his lips "I missed us, I missed seeing your face, hearing your voice and being with you everyday" your heart raced with longing, it was the same for you, you’ve missed him so much but this was a new life, he needed his freedom before going back to you.
"Do you think we can still be the same?" You asked with desperation in your tone.
Five shook "not the same as before but better, better than we can ever imagine…it’s weird saying this after being this old"
"It’s ok old man, I still love you"
"Does that mean I’m given permission to take you back home?"
Do u have any Five smut headcanons that u could maybe share plz? 🥹
A/N: Takes place during season 4 the six year gap, Five is aged up.
Five Hargreeves Masturbation Headcanons- NSFW
He’s away from his family now, he’s got a job and an apartment. He’s alone and safe. That means he can relax and alleviate some tension.
At first Five is so nervous about touching himself, like it is so strange? Like it’s weird and feels good but why? That sends him on an internet deep dive at 3 am about sex and everything included
Poor Five in his boxers at 4 am now staring at his phone trying to understand his sexuality and what the hell a blue waffle was. He didn’t dare try to ask Diego or Klaus about this.
It took a few failed and embarrassing attempts to find out what he liked. Five loves to jerk off before bed, he found it gives him the best night of sleep.
Five makes a show of it masturbating, he doesn’t realize it at all though as he sits on the edge of the bed his hair messy in his eyes, calloused hands reaching for the heat activated lube, head leaning back as he started to stroke his cock slowly. The way his cock starts to throb and get hard as he pants softly, moans coming from his soft lips.
The way his back arches as he starts to tugs on his cock, as the long unruly hair tickling his back as a hand starts to move up his bare chest. Five pants and grunts a lot as he jerks off, it’s starts off low and husky but the closer he gets the higher his voice gets and it sounds heavenly.
Is it the Marigold or something but when he cums it’s a lot. (The only reason he knows it’s a lot because a random night he decided to Google: “what is the average amount of cum to ejaculate?”)
But I have more to share! Always free to ask for more! I love the view of inexperienced!Five like I love my Dom Daddy Five but I do love teaching him things.
thinking about five not understanding social media and seeing a random post on twitter he doesn’t realize revolves around a huge very loyal fandom and he comments his very honest opinion like any old man would and gets absolutely swarmed by chronically online stans
and then he takes it upon himself to find every single one’s ip address and comment it under their reply with zero context
I'm SOOOO LATE to this lol
Prompt 360: "You’re calling that jealousy? Believe me, if you can still use your legs, I’m not being jealous.”
Older Teenager! Five x Reader
[This is terrible 😭😭😭]
You could feel Five's glare shooting through your skull. You were sure Klaus could feel his glare, too, because it was not like Five was trying to hide his anger. You finally turned towards him, smiling and waving at him, but his frown only deepened.
"What's up little man's ass?"
"If only I knew-" You roll your eyes and Five gets up angrily and leaves the room. "I should probably make sure he doesn't do something stupid."
Klaus nods and you get up, following behind Five. You rush, grabbing Five's bicep. He quickly turned towards you, glaring at you. You frowned, glaring back at him.
"What's your problem?"
"My problem? I don't have a problem," He remarks snarkily, before he grabs your arm, "You'd know if I had a problem."
"Well, you're acting like a jealous toddler. Glaring and throwing this little fit."
"Jealous? You’re calling that jealousy? Believe me, if you can still use your legs, I’m not being jealous.”
"Then how do you feel Five?"
He stops, looking to the side, avoiding eye contact with you, before sighing. "Well, if you keep talking to Klaus, we'll both find out how far I'm willing to go."
"You're bluffing-"
He looks back at you. His eyes were blaring through yours, unmoving, unblinking. His eyes has a fog of more emotions than he's expressed, more emotions than you ever knew he had, feelings of anger and regret. Though, his back was straightened and he was leaning over you, his face in a snarl.
"Am I?"
You knew he wasn't and he knew you knew. You frowned, finally letting him go. "Okay, Five." You turned around, before freezing and looking over your shoulder, "I do love you, Five. Even though you are a little crazy."
Can we talk about the fact while Five is a mentally a middle aged man, he is also biologically a thirteen year old boy?
He has physically regressed. Him physically regressing could cause him to mentally and emotionally regress too. He has the brain development and the hormones and the body of a young teenager, a thirteen year old kid.
The old version of him did not have mood swings and seemed a lot for emotionally stable. He did not throw temper tantrums like Five in his thirteen year old body.
It can seem like Five is a kid trying to fix everything and behave like an adult.
He does stupid and cute things that a kid would do, like clinging to a comfort objects or only eating sweet foods or getting drunk in the middle of a bank to the point of giggling.
I honestly thought if they were going do something with Five and Lilia it would have been, Five having a puppy crush and it would not have gone anywhere. It would have been like the troupe of the little brother having a crush on his older brother's girlfriend/wife and she loves him because he is family but sees him as her annoying little brother and her boyfriend/husband's annoying little brother. In the earlier seasons it seems like he is a kid with crush. He is flirting in a kid like way. He was pulling her pigtails, teasing her.
He does not like the way The Handler treats him in his kid body. The way he acts around her seems like a kid trying to protect and keep themselves safe from a predatory adult. There are four known reactions of fear and trying to protects yourself: fight, flight, freeze and fawn. At the beginning he is trying to impress her, fawn. Which is something children often do, they think if they make the adult happy it will keep them safe.
Overall, from a scientific point of view and character analysis point of view this is very interesting.
synopsis: ever since five retried, he’s been a lot more affectionate with you
requests: CLOSED
prompts:
043: “Your hands are really soft.”
054: “They have everyone.”
“Not you.”
“I’m the exception.”
067: “Nice hickey. Where’d you get it?”
—
“Hi, Luther, Klaus, Diego!” You greet happily. Five doesn’t bother and just pulls out his chair.
“What’s wrong?” Later said through a mouthful of Chinese takeout. “You look happy.”
You come up next to Five, and he pulls a chair out for you, making your cheeks heat up at the small action. “Why can’t he be happy?”
“Well, he’s Five. Always so… bitter.”
You shrug. “They hate everyone.”
“Not you.”
“I’m the exception.”
“I am plenty happy,” Five spoke, taking a seat. “Had a nap and shvitz, what does a man need?”
“Brother’s who don’t eat like barn animals?” Klaus suggests.
Both Diego and Luther look to Klaus, mouths full of noodles, proving his point.
You sit down, smiling at the three brothers. You're dressed in the same thing as Five, a soft bathrobe that says “Hotel Obsidian.”
Klaus grins at you, and you raise a brow. “Nice hickey. Where’d you get it?”
“What?” You practically scream, pulling back the collar of your bathrobe.
Diego snickers, “Seems like Five got a little more than a Shvitz.”
Luther nods. “Yeah, (Y/N) looks like she’s gonna die of embarrassment.”
Klaus claps. “Oh my god, I’m so happy for you two! How was it?”
Five blinked at his brother. “It’s none of your business.”
“Oh, why not? We’re bros!”
Five sighs, looking at you, then back to Klaus. “It was… nice.” You basically die in your seat at his choice of wording. He notices and chuckles, grabbing your hand in his. The three brothers whistle, and you shrink further into your seat.
“Your hands are really soft,” He whispers in your ear.
“Five!” You whine, feeling like you might explode at all the attention and affection. You and Five mostly kept your relationship on the down-low, seeming it was the most concerning issue the past month.
“So I’ve been thinking through our little timeline snafu, and I’m pleased to report that in my professional, expert opinion: we are totally in the clear.”
“Awesome!”
“Huh.”
“Great! So everything’s totally fine?” Luther asked.
“More or less. I mean,” Five hesitates, smiling. “There is one small thing. But it’s nothing we can’t manage.”
Five hands you one of the carry-out boxes, “Choi mein, your favorite.” And you smile softly, mumbling a thanks to him. He just smiles back, “Anytime.” And your stomach flips when he presses a soft kiss to your cheek. You actually think you might die this time.
“So, spit it out, boomer!” Diego mumbles through his noodles.
“Fine, Diego, it’s like this. Dad didn’t adopt us as babies, but those babies still existed here,” Five explained as you take a bite of your own meal.
Klaus frowns. “Awww.”
“We just grew up in different places with different people.”
“So?” Diego questions.
“So where are they now? Odds are we each have identical versions of ourselves walking around out there living completely different lives.”
Luter gasps excitedly. “Our doppelgängers!”
“That’s a made-up word,” Klaus dismisses.
“No, no, I learned all about this in Texas. Tell them about the paranoid psychosis, Five!”
“It’s paradox,” You correct.
“Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, I thought you said this wasn’t a problem?”
“Okay, yes,” Five admits. “Technically, if you’re near your Doppel for too long, you’ll go insane. So if you ever see your other self—”
“Kill them.”
“Sleep with them.”
“… avoid them."
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Luther asked, giving both his brothers a skeptical look.
“Oh, come on, as if you wouldn’t climb Luther mountain,” Klaus teases. The look on Luther’s face tells you enough about what he’s thinking.
“Wait, how are we supposed to guarantee we don’t cross paths with ourselves?”
“Easy. I mean, we’re the Benetton of superheroes, born all around the world until dad brought us here, which he no longer did. Doppel’s probably aren’t even in the same time zone as us.”
“That’s true,” Luther mumbles.
Diego nods. “Yeah.”
“Would you pass the moo shu?” Five asked, reaching across the table, and Luther does so. Suddenly, Diego leaves in a rush, and you shrug it off.
“So how long have you two been…” Klaus trails off, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Gross, Klaus,” Five said, before adding. “We’ve been together for a while now.”
“Oh, wow,” Klaus sighs. “That’s so cute. I mean, (Y/N) is so sweet, and you’re so… you!”
You giggle at that, and Five rolls his eyes, “Thanks, Klaus.” Five grabs his takeout and a pair of chopsticks before taking your hand and helping you off your seat.
“You didn’t have to do that, Five,” You mumble, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear.
“I know, darling, but I wanted to,” He replies, and you swear you’re gonna pass out.
Five must notice because he waves his brothers goodbye and leads you back to the hotel room. His hand intertwines with yours, and your face is even hotter now.
“You’re easily flustered, darling,” Five said, opening the door to his room.
“You’re not usually so forward, that’s all,” You shrug.
“Well, I’m retired, so I get to spend the rest of my life loving you.”
You hide your face in your hands at his comment. “Five!”
He chuckles, peeling your hands away carefully. “There you are, pretty girl.” Five cups your face in his hands, pressing a tender kiss to your lips that has you internally screaming.
“The rest of our lives is just gonna be this,” He promises.
okay here me out on this. what if everyone at the cia office that five works at thinks hes trans. like 1) hes short (no offense, love our short kings, i am one myself) 2) he has a janky-ass name 3) he acts a lot older than he appears 4) he strikes me as the kinda guy that sits when he uses the restroom 5) the grace in which he handles viktor and klaus 5b) head canon that trans people flock to him for some reason 5c) another head canon that he gets real passionate about the hate crime and civil rights cases he handles because of viktor and klaus (and himself because hes like basically canon bi and probably ace too) and all the cis people in the cia just kinda assumed he was also trans.
