seizing the moment // jo
warning; mutual pining and two dummies that can't get it together, fluff, i probably cursed at some point bc it's me
summary; The winter season is lonely without anyone to wake up beside. It's also the time where friends realize they might be lovers after all.
word count; 3k+
this is for @antoineroussel 's winter fic exchange! I'm sorry it's so late but I hope you like it @typical-simplelove <3 it only has the smallest bit of angst since it's mutual pining but I promise I gave you a happy ending
The longer you sat on the sofa, the more you wanted to leave. The cushions were comfortable enough but being tucked in the corner of a couch filled with people happily chatting beside you was deafening. Nobody was speaking to you and to be fair, you weren’t engaging in any coverations. It’s exactly how you saw the night being panned out; the exact reason you gave to your roommate when she begged you to come. These were her friends and while you knew a few of their names, you were sick of hearing them all talk about work and school.
It was no secret that you were going through a rough patch. Brought on by the many wonders that life throws at you, the year was turning out to be a major disappointment. Your room that would normally be lined with tinsel with a tall tree tucked in the corner stood barren. The clothes scattered across the floor was a reflection of your brain that never seemed to stop. Being the first winter without your family was hard, and while Amber thought she was doing you a favor by dragging you out, she was doing the opposite.
After promising you to stick by your side as much as she could possibly manage, she disappeared within the first few minutes of you being here. Getting out was the only goal at this point. Getting off of this sofa and into your own bed.
The sound of the door opening and shutting was muffled by the endless conversations happening throughout the room. Your focus was set on the end of the hallway that led to the door, anxiously waiting for your saving grace.
When he walked in your eyes lit up, feet practically propelling you off of the couch and over to him. He saw you just a moment after you had but he’s quick to welcome you into his embrace. His arms wrap around you naturally and you’re enveloped in the warmth that is Jamie. He was your favorite blanket every day of the year and he was proud to be so.
“You okay?” All it takes is a quick nod from you and he’s heading back towards the same door he entered through, this time with your hand in his. You don’t bother to tell Amber goodbye, seeing as she hadn’t bothered to stay with you longer than it would’ve taken her to find the restroom. Jamie doesn’t question where she is or even look for her as he beelines for the door.
It’s not until he’s pressed the button to the elevator that you let out a deep breath. He looks at you with his soft eyes before wrapping you in his arms once again. The silence is comforting, something you’re used to with Jamie. In all of your years of knowing him you’d never recalled an awkward silence between the two of you. Even sitting across awkward family dinner tables together, you managed to crack smiles and nudge each other out of sight from any angry relatives.
Jamie had been your best friend for longer than you could remember. He was the one that walked you home from school until your parents rounded up the money to buy you a car. School dances were always attended together, hand in hand. When your boyfriend broke up with you because he didn’t want to be “held down in college” Jamie was the one that showed up on his doorstep and told him what an idiot he was. It was always the two of you, no questions asked. Regardless of how many times people asked if there was anything beneath the surface, the answer was always the same.
We’re just friends.
It stung every time. Any time he dropped you off and walked you all the way to the door, coming inside to greet your parents more often than not, your lips burned in anticipation. You waited for the day he ducked his head down just enough to press his lips against yours. Kissing Jamie was everything you wanted and more. More so because of what it meant for the two of you.
Being with your best friend in every way you wanted to be would’ve been every dream come true. Waking up beside him and cooking meals together was something you’d thought about for years. Holidays were already spent together, you already knew practically everything about each other, and there was no earthly way you’d ever grow sick of Jamie Oleksiak.
Throughout the years you’d seen him fall in love. It was painful for you, hearing all of the wonderful things he said about every girl he liked. His feelings were so pure, and his words were strung together so beautifully. It was no secret that it was an honor to be loved by this man. Any eyelash and coin tossed down a well had the same wish wrapped around it.
As long as he was happy.
That’s what kept you going. After all this time and all the things you’ve felt, it was his happiness that kept you grounded. If he was happy with whatever her name was, then so be it. They were nice most of the time, and so it wasn’t so hard to put up with them. If they made him happy then they could stay the remainder of their trip.
It never lasted long though. Jamie gave them a year, maybe two if they were lucky. Long enough to impact you but not long enough for Jamie to mourn them too terribly. He seemed to move on quickly, quicker than you expected him to the first few times. You figured it was just his way of getting back to himself and starting over.
There hadn’t been a day that he’d known you that he hadn’t felt overwhelming love for you. Holding you as closely as possibly was important but he was afraid to grab on too tightly. What if he broke you? What if he pulled you too close and you pushed him away? He wasn’t sure he could handle rejection from you. Girls in a bar that he didn’t even know the name of had no impact on his ego. Shrugging them off was as easy as skating to him.
You were different. You were everything. He couldn’t get you close enough in his eyes. He hated that you were going through this tough time. Your parents had always made the trip out to Seattle to see you during the holidays, or managed for you to get to them back home. They blindsided you with their newfound love for holiday vacations. Flying across the world in December seemed merry to them while it left you in the wake of a messy room.
So he stayed close. He didn’t go home even on his time off and he made sure to keep his phone on him at all times. Nights like these made him grateful for doing so. It only took him two minutes to respond to your SOS. He picked you up seven minutes later.
Before you knew it you were sitting in the middle of a parking lot. To what, you were unsure of. The look Jamie gave you was everything you needed to know though. There was no way he could look at you with eyes that soft and a smile that pure if he was taking you somewhere bad. So you climbed out of the car without questioning it and let him lead the way.
The sight of ice sent a chill down your spine. The involuntary whine that escaped your lips brought a laugh out of Jamie. The sound covered you in goosebumps but you quickly ignored the aching feelings and wondered what size skate you were supposed to get.
“You know I can’t skate.” The look of mischief in his eyes had you rolling.
“I know that. That’s why we’re here.” It doesn’t make sense to you how those two things line up but you’re not sure how to dispute the joy seeping out of him right now. So you tuck your complaints into your pocket and let Jamie order both of you skates.
It doesn't take even a minute of you trying to tie your laces for Jamie to swat at your hand and kneel down in front of you. Your hands grab onto his shoulders for leverage as he yanks and ties quicker than you can tie your tennis shoes. The warmth comes back when he finishes the first one and grabs your calf gently. He taps lightly and when you switch and present your other foot he hums out in approval.
You're lost again in a mess of thoughts about a life with Jamie. Frosting cookies with various colors and images that definitely don’t turn out how they’re intended. Waking up at an all too early hour to watch him open gifts you’d been excited about for weeks. Your dogs would be on a constant playdate, never having to leave one another ever again.
His hand is warm in yours despite him dragging you into an ice rink. All heat seemed to rush to your hands, focused on the physical connection between the two of you. It switches to both hands when he pins around effortlessly to give you ample support.
Fear creeps deep in your chest then as you hope and wish on everything that you’ll stay up on your feet. The embarrassment of wiping out in front of Jamie would be hard to recover from. You could picture the goofy smile he’d wear while clutching his abdomen as he laughed way too hard at your misstep. The embarrassment would eventually drown in the beauty of his smile and the melody of his laugh that you can’t seem to get enough of. Anything to make him smile like that. Part of you wonders if you should stumble on purpose.
Jamie’s holding onto your hands for dear life as he can sense your fear grumbling inside of you. He watches your eyes lock onto your feet despite him telling you not to. Words of affirmation and soft laughs aren’t enough to get you to look up at him as you worry your feet will fly out from underneath you.
“If you look at me you won’t fall. I promise.” his voice rings in your ears, soft and sweet like a freshly baked cookie. The thought makes your stomach turn in hunger but you push past it. You’re not voluntarily letting go of Jamie’s hands anytime soon.
Skating’s never been your strong suit. Balance wasn’t your forte and staring at your unstable feet was the only thing you could do for the first ten minutes on the ice. Standing on razor blades and walking - well not actually walking, it’s more like gliding - was not something you did everyday if the week like Jamie. He was practically born in hockey skates with a chipped tooth smile.
Holding onto Jamie’s hands was the only thing that got you through it. The winter chill froze your nose to an aching point but your hands felt so warm in his. His gentle pokes and prods telling you ways to get better felt like a blanket fresh out of the dryer. The look he gave you when your eyes finally detached from your feet and traveled up to his was gut wrenching.
It was a look you’d known all too well. It was the same look he gave you when you failed your driving test for the first time, and the same one you got when he heard the news of you getting accepted into your dream school. Jamie’s eyes bore into you like they were the key to a heavily locked gate.
He never knew why you opened up so easily with him. For the longest time he assumed it was out of habit. You’d known each other for years, too many to count at this point. Nobody knew one of you without knowing the other. It was always the two of you, never just one.
Secretly, both of you liked it that way.
Longing looks and aching hearts were all there was to show for it. Jamie never made a move and you wouldn’t say something until you were sure there was something to be said back. Risking this was a game you didn’t want to play.
Despite how warm his hands felt and how easily his eyes sank into you, you swallowed that love and adoration and shoved a sheepish smile to the surface. He didn’t say anything about it, never does, and the routine started again.
Normal conversation blanketed over the two of you for the remainder of your time at the rink. He opened and closed the door for you and let you choose the music on the car ride home. You noticed he took the long way to your place and he thanked you silently for never mentioning it.
The night ended with a gentle kiss to the top of your head, nothing you hadn’t experienced before, and a simple goodnight. The clock ticks were a painful reminder of every moment you missed with him, every moment you missed him. Being left alone makes you realize just how much you wished you could get over that stupid fear.
Jamie spends his entire ride home regretting the missed moment: the moment he’s dreamed of your entire friendship. He walked you all the way up to the door and held your head in his hands. His eyes lingered on your lips while his mind raced tenfold. The thoughts ran so fast he could hardly keep track of them and by the time he came back down to Earth, he was kissing the top of your head instead of your lips.
It’d be so easy, he thinks. Everything is easy with you, except this. This is harder than he could’ve ever imagined. One wrong move and everything could come crumbling down.
That’s why he doesn't push it. When he finally caved in and let’s you push him into building a gingerbread house, the moment’s there. Even when your fifth attempt fails and you look up at him with sad eyes and a pouty lip. He thinks about how he could kiss the frown away, he could take your mind off of the gingerbread pieces that would surely break any moment.
But what if you pushed him away?
The moments there when you’re standing at a bar waiting for drinks and he slinks his arm around you. His teammates are watching and take bets on if you even notice the way you fall into his side so easily. The moment is there when your shoulders deflate in defeat and you look up at him for help. Instead he just nods at you gently and uses his height to his advantage.
Moments come and pass as they have for years. Jamie hardly thinks much of it, he’s been coping with it for years. He has no idea you’re catching onto these moments, that you’re pining for everything he is and more.
After watching your best friend land the sloppiest grin-filled kiss on her boyfriend of three years your stomach turns and you can hardly take it anymore. Jamie’s not there and you can think of a million reasons why you wish he was.
The moment finally comes around again after a long night with friends. Jamie’s teammates and their loved ones, your friends from school that have found their way into this rather large group. It’s a night filled with laughter and stories from so many people you can hardly remember any of them. The entire way home, the night leaves you. You don’t think of dinner or who was there, rather just the way Jamie’s hand feels on your thigh.
It’s like he doesn’t notice it’s there. He drums his fingers lightly to the beat of the radio. Every tap brings goosebumps to your skin as you just hope with every fiber of your being that tonight is the night Jamie realizes what’s in front of him.
The walk up to your place is longer than it normally is and the elevator ride is painfully quiet. Jamie hangs his head the whole way down the hallway. He doesn’t say anything until you reach the door and it sends your heart down to your feet.
“See you tomorrow?” You nod weakly. He will in fact see you tomorrow, but you wish he had said almost anything else.
“Yeah.” he nods once and moves closer to you. You give yourself false hope and allow your heart rate to pick up, only to feel a warmth on your forehead.
You’re warm but not enough. There’s something missing in the motion and it’s not until Jamie’s halfway down the hallway that you speak.
“Jamie.” He turns on his heels and looks at you with a questioning gaze. He knows nothings wrong because of the tone you’re using, but he also knows there’s a severity to it. “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”
It’s his heart that sinks now as his words get caught in his throat. What’d you just say? Surely you didn’t just say that.
Right?
“I- I didn’t know you wanted me to.” It’s entirely not the right thing to say, it’s not even what he wanted to say but his heart’s in the floor and his brain flew out the window ages ago.
“Of course I do. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
There’s a beat of hesitation - that’s what you think it is at least. Jamie’s not hesitating but rather replaying your words in his brain to fully convince himself that you truly said them.
One more time and he nods gently to himself before taking as little strides as it takes to reach you. His hands find your cheeks faster than they ever have before and his lips are on yours in no time. It quite literally knocks the wind out of you but you can’t seem to do anything but kiss back with as much fever.
Everything you wanted was wrapped up in front of you. Jamie on a silver platter, and he was yours for the taking.
“By the way,” He pulls back to look down at you, lips parted in disbelief that he was getting his moment. “This is all I’ve ever wanted.”
Your smile hurts your cheeks, but he sends it right back to you. You’re both grinning like idiots in the hallway but all you can think about is this moment.
Your moment.
