For Flambert February - Day 23: At Work
(I have a full fic wip partially inspired by this, but have some of my thoughts)
Robert has days where he just feels off.
Not explicitly bad, just wrong.
He doesn’t think he can put a name to the cause. It’s never consistent.
Sometimes it’s waking up and feeling his body screaming at him like his wounds, deep in his muscles, were reopening.
Often his back. Sometimes his neck. Sometimes the joints in his legs.
Sometimes it’s due to him staying up too late and his lack of sleep making him short and snappy. He can’t survive on two hours of sleep and five cups of coffee the same way he did when he was twenty-four.
Other times it was the nightmares.
Those just contributed to the lack of sleep. So nothing new. Just new faces, new situations, combined with the old.
And if those factors just trail into the workday, he can’t really stop it. He just downs another cup and hopes he doesn’t pass out. From exhaustion or a caffeine overdose.
But, point is that he isn’t pleasant to be around.
He glares—more like glowering, he’s told his resting judgement face turns into a resting bitch face—at nearly everything. He curses at every ache in his body that sets off a string of more pain. Everyone keeps a five foot distance and his paperwork is rerouted to be delivered while he’s on lunch.
Which is not any better because then he comes back to a few new folders and a stack of papers and he gets the overwhelming desire to bash his skull in until the migraine stops.
It typically never gets worse, most of the pain being taken out on himself or held in until he can drive home and cuddle with Beef for an hour.
But today, he’s faced with Prism’s livid indignation over the comms after he lectured Malevola and Waterboy on a mission they’d just barely managed to scrape by with a victory on.
Which would’ve been fine, probably fair for him to be annoyed by the addition to the long list of close calls they’d been having all week.
If he hadn’t completely snapped and nearly yelled at them.
The raise in his voice was uncontrolled and unexpected, from either his team or even himself.
Robert pressed the heel of his palm into his forehead to keep himself from giving in and snapping back at Prism, and Sonar who was finally joining in as a less than ideal voice of reason.
Galen, who typically co-dispatched with him, peered over the cubicle wall to see his friend shrimp-postured over his desk with his head in his hands. He’d just heard the absolute shitshow of an interaction.
The tinny voices emanating from the headset were clearly part of the cause of Robert’s headache. But he’s been working with him long enough now. This was far from normal, and he was beginning to worry deeply for the man.
Without hesitation, he plucked the comms off of Robert’s head, holding a hand up to his protestations when Robert tried to half-heartedly snatch it back.
“Take a break, Robert.” Galen said, voice just as tired and flat. “Come back when you got your head screwed on right. I got you.”
Robert just fixed him with the same glare—more like a pinched knit of the brow—he’s been giving everyone all day. But it relaxed slightly at his final words, almost apologetic.
Galen understood. He passed Robert a five, then sat back down.
Robert considered the money then stuffed it in his pocket. He swiped his hoodie off the back of the chair and disappeared down the hall towards the stairs.
His legs take him somewhere. He doesn’t really know, he just tries to walk off whatever the fuck is making him hurt his friends. Galen was right. He was going insane and letting it affect how he did his job.
He wasn’t going to get up from his desk on his own without the man forcibly stopping him.
He can’t help being a little grateful, even as the niggling guilt of responsibility trickles back in.
Before he can even consider turning around, the door to the test lab is hissing shut behind him, and he finds himself stood a few feet away from where his mech was positioned.
It was solitary and quiet, keeping vigilance over the garage space.
Robert had done this a few times before already, escaping during lunch and after shift. He wasn’t meaning to make it a habit outside of breaks.
It was in danger of becoming one.
Robert stares up at it. Like he’s asking for a reason to turn around. A sign.
A hand that never reached to help him up gently, but to drag him back into work.
Robert doesn’t think as the cockpit opens with a hiss of pneumatic air and hydraulics shifting. He feels his racing pulse slowly lowering, his chaotically unfocused thoughts settling, as he climbs into the pilot’s seat.
He presses his back to the seat and fits his arms in the rests as the door shuts slowly.
The hiss of the seal comes with a sudden, overwhelming quiet.
It’s never terrifying. It might be the most comfort he’s ever felt.
The machine hums around him, fluctuating as it power on to the lowest of settings. The screen remain dim, the sensors pulsing with a wavelike rhythm in his periphery.
A breath he’s been holding rushes out of him in a half wheeze, half sob.
He doesn’t bother hiding—who’s going to see him breaking down anyway?—the way his chest heaves with each frantic, labored inhale-exhale.
The shake in his hands as he runs them roughly through his hair and over his neck.
He forgets to breathe. Or maybe he stopped just to feel the consistent, predictable pain in his chest spread outward, making his limbs and head go fuzzy so he can stop fucking thinking.
He wants the walls to close in if that only meant he’d be held.
The health monitors start to awaken, beeping and blinking red. Robert gasps an inhale.
He waits for the beeping to stop. The health monitors go silent after a moment.
But there’s one still softly alerting in the otherwise deafeningly quiet space.
A proximity sensor. Scanning a large, warm body just outside the door. Their hand is pressing against the exoarmor. They know Robert can see everything they do, so they don’t even have to knock. They don’t say anything at all.
He doesn’t even have to turn on the visuals to know who it is.
Robert waits a moment, trying to still his shaking and failing. He fumbles to open the hatch, then sits up, ramrod straight as faint fluorescent light filters back in. At least Flambae had been kind enough to shut off the overheads.
The near painful press of the crown of his head to the padded seat makes him screw his eyes shut.
Maybe he also just doesn’t trust himself not to break down again. He doesn’t want to cry right now. His sobbing had been dry before, he can’t do it today. Not in front of him. He just can’t.
The hatch clicks open in full. The warmth grows closer, slowly until hands, textured yet soft, brush his neck.
They guide Robert’s skull away from its death press to the headrest. Gentle and careful.
Robert’s forehead is pressed to a warm, solid chest. He smells of smoke. Familiar and sweet.
Robert lets out a distressed groan, leaning in closer to get more of that scent ingrained in his head. His hands blindly search for a waist, wrapping around a mesh-covered back and just holding.
Not pulling in or pushing away. Just touching and needing. Grounding himself in the unspoken comfort.
Those hands on his head card through his hair, smoothing the ragged strands out and massaging gently at the back of his neck. His large hand rests against his nape, nearly enough to cover half of his neck. That fact makes his breath hitch every time.
But today it only serves to choke out another aborted sob.
Another grateful acceptance.
Robert finally pulls. The man in his arms goes willingly, folding himself into Robert’s lap tenderly. He closes the hatch for Robert, sitting still until the seal’s hiss punctuates it.
Neither of them say a word. Just touches and soft breaths and solid bodies.
Robert’s hands tracing Flambae’s spine through his clothes.
Flambae’s thumbs smoothing over the edges of scars that barely hurt, pressing just enough to make Robert quietly whine.
Robert’s shaky exhales as his mouth is pressed to Flambae’s chest.
Flambae’s easy, firm direction as he tilts Robert’s head up just enough to kiss his hairline.
Robert’s head has never been so quiet.
Robert never wants to let go.