#floridian problems

[thisbarbi3isobs3ss3d]

I'm sorry but seeing *37, feels like 26* on my weather notification is COLD for a Floridian.

Any other Floridians out there feeling this right now? 🥶

[choi-san-makes-me-wanna]

a hurricane is on the way to my state and now there’s a chance it will connect with the other one on the other side of my state? Cool cool cool cool cool. Sick shit. Can’t wait.

[thats-just-what-florida-is-like]

when people think of florida, they tend to think “alligators” or “disney” but never BIG FUCKING BIRDS THE SIZE OF YOU THAT ARE SCARY AS FUCK AND MAKE THE SOUND OF SOMEONE CHOKING DOWN A MCFLURRY

[dont-touch-my-fandoms]

Florida Gothic

You wake up, and it is too hot. It is always too hot. Your skin burns, but you barely notice now. Outside, it rains, but there are no clouds in the sky. No one seems to think this is strange.

Your breakfast was an orange. There is nothing else to eat here. You ask for more food, but the cloudy look in your mother’s eyes suggests she has never heard of such a concept. You eat your orange, ignoring how the juice stings your lips like acid.

In the afternoon, it only gets hotter. You wear as little clothing as possible, but you can still barely breathe. You would peel off your skin if you could, but you decide not to. You saw what happened to Aunt Brenda, after all.

Your family announces that they are going to Disney World. You don’t like Disney World. No one likes Disney World. Everyone goes to Disney World anyway. It is a trap, run by the hollow carcass of a what might have once been a mouse but has long since ascended to something greater. More dangerous. You know this, but you paste on a smile and walk into the trap anyway.

You desperately try to avoid the dead, staring eyes of Goofy as he opens his arms for a hug, but there is nowhere else to go. You’ve seen that vendor five times in the last half-hour. The sign says he is selling turkey legs, but the meat is too pale. You do not know what it is. You do not want to know. 

You can feel the dolls’ eyes as they follow you, chanting melodically in a song that you know. Everyone knows this song. No one can name it. No one ever forgets the dolls’ song. 

At night, a low hum echoes out of the trees. They tell you it is mosquitos. In your backyard, something with glinting eyes hisses at you. This is its home now, not yours. You do not know what it is. It is not a mosquito.

(inspired by @kinky-caeser-milan ‘s Wisconsin Gothic)

[creepy-witchy-af]

Always cold typa person

I'm Floridian so I got that warm blood baby 😅⛱ it's 70 degrees (F) and I'm currently freezing my booty off wearing jeans a shirt and a hoodie and my nips are doing the hard thing and my fingers feel like ice lmaooo

[thats-just-what-florida-is-like]

i pity tourists who come here to go to Disney World in the summer. melting in the middle of EPCOT’s world showcase is not how i would want to die

[thats-just-what-florida-is-like]

look nobody has ever flat out offered me drugs, but i know they’re around. i can smell them

[creepy-witchy-af]

Floridian problems

I just want to walk in some woods that literally aren’t a swamp?? I wanna feel crunchy leaves instead of poison ivy and vinous undergrowth? Like I love all plants but goddamn sometimes I want to walk through a proper forest and not really a literal fucking swamp with alligators and snakes. 

Also, we don’t have waterfalls here. Instead of waterfalls we have springs, which are kind of the reverse of a water fall. springs are actually really awesome but waterfalls are g o r g e o u s