#flow of thought

[isupposeitsprose]

Sunday in Summer

Foggy, sleepy Lazy H a z y Sunday.

-g.p.

[these--thoughts]

These Thoughts

I like to hear the sound of typing. I have a special application on my computer that adds extra sounds to my keyboard when I press the keys. I like to listen to the sound of my own typing as I put my thoughts into words. Deep breaths. Everything is going to be okay. I am not sure what to write about, just that I felt like writing. 

[theblueboxscholar]

I'm not excited that David's back (as basically 10 3.0). I love David (and like I'm thrilled FOR HIM) but frankly I'd love to see ANYONE else. Like it's getting annoying now (even if it thematically makes sense and is wonderful) come up with something new ("new").

I am THRILLED about Catherine and David BOTH being back, but if things don't go a very specific set of ways, I will chew through a brick. So like, can you understand how the excitement might be a bit overshadowed? By fucking dread.

Frankly, if they don't give Donna proper closure with the Doctor (no reason not to. Look at Bill and Clara) this whole 60th will be a major let down.

RTD you're on thin ice. Do not disappoint me.

[ghost-of-my-mind]

I wake up early and eat breakfast, and they say "look at you, you're doing better!". But my first thoughts are 'I don't want to wake up anymore, I just want to sleep'. I look at my food and I don't feel hungry.

I leave my house and go for a walk in the sun, and they say "look at you, you're doing better!". But the fresh air brings me no relief, and the songs of birds no joy.

I take my medications on time, and they say "look at you, you're doing better!". But My heart still beats so fast I can't take it, and I still feel I would be better off away from here.

I go to bed at ten instead five, and they say "look at you, you're doing better!". But I lay there for hours thinking of all I have missed, and will never get back.

I struggle everyday, and it's always the same, but I'm getting, right?

[the-write-inspiration]

When you can’t sleep And your ribs itch You’re burning out your eyes with technology. Trapped in a loop Of endless anger. Your friends don’t understand But maybe they do And you don’t. Why can’t you share Or be free To be you? Did you know that Beyond millions of years ago The sun killed us and healed us at the same time?

LM, 18 Oct 2018

[isupposeitsprose]

The more time I spend in between mountains and in front of the ocean, The more I realize how infinitely small I am. How incredibly vast the world is and how much of it I have left to experience. I am a speck of dust in relation to the whole. This is my constant pursuit. I will always be restless in this way. Am I running from something or toward it? The answer is...Both. Away from the mundane and toward what is simple, fundamental and True.

[isupposeitsprose]

Note to self

What I need to function in this world is simple:

1. I need to be outside, in nature, and often.

 2. I need time to create. 

3. I need to get away from home and everything familiar every now and again. 

4. I need time alone. 

5. I need the freedom to say “no” and choose myself without reason. 

6. I need a few loyal people to share in what fuels and drives me (literature, art, travel). This is it. I don’t need more house, or more car or more material shit (though I’ve got that all too). This is what I need.