#flutter notes.

[amicrest]

🙏🙏 🙏🙏 takeru reminding yamato at the most un/opportune times about being his number one  🙏🙏 🙏🙏

[amicrest]

taichi: oh my ---yamato grow up stop fighting me we ain’t kids anymore!!!

yamato: *sticks tongue out* i’ll be a child if i want, fite me, meet me in the parking lot, the pit, my concert hall....here are some tickets.... *strums.... guitar passive aggressively* and walks away

[amicrest]

yamato: man i should really ask about things

yamato: nah, let it fester for a week, then attempt to fix it when it’s too late, it’ll be fine and dandy

yamato: well fuck----

[amicrest]

yamato: i got you a cactus 

mimi: really?!! is it because of my adoration for palmon??!! oh i knew--

yamato: yeah because you’re a prick

[amicrest]

It’s unfortunate you have to sacrifice desire in exchange for necessity. Just small wants that have to be turned down because something else more meaningful should be a priority. Which would be logical but it wouldn’t be as fulfilling. Sometimes when the heart wants what it wants you end up suffering the consequences, even if the original intention of that ‘want’ was innocent in the beginning. Every time you commit to your responsibilities, recheck your ‘everlasting’ mortality---you can’t help in the end but feel the edges of the canvas curling with rust. The more you devote yourself to one task, the more repercussions you gather as a result. 

The common yet precious thought is ‘what’s more important?’

Do you take what your life’s daily bread is-- turn it into toast with confidence and a side order of jam or do you attempt to make toast and hope the bread doesn’t end up brunt while settling for butter but not the same feeling as jam? 

In other words: do you stride for something more while over coming the challenges you face or do you simply take what you can get at face value?

[amicrest]

now i got this vision in my head where yamato just has his house full of decorative skeleton art and skull head candles and the theme is just dark--and downstairs is just this huge space where he would practice rituals and has bookshelves full of old seance papers and binders. the walls are painted black and red.

he doesn’t look the type but when you walk into his house you immediately feel the tension and want to leave but he’s the friendly conductor who’s like ‘it’s no dig deal i enjoy conjuring spirits of the dead in my pastime! just like for you it’s playing a new video game!’. 

he’ll turn on jazz music in the background and offer you a drink as you slowly sink into this uncomfortable feeling of dread but you’re also painfully curious as to why he does this shit.

[amicrest]

i have never seen a child put their hands on their hips and hands in their pockets as much as yamato ishida (matt) does. first season is like this HUGE tentative and anxiety driven body language. he constantly has shit on his mind but doesn’t share it because he hardly knows anyone in the group (at first). it’s personal turmoil, it’s frustration, it’s trust issues, he doesn’t want to be ALONE but indirectly alienates and directly growls at others who come close almost like it’s a reflex. a nasty one. he’s reclusive, opinionated, stuck in a double standard stereotype--he wants to break away from it but doesn’t know how. hell he even acknowledges it’s messed up.

he learns later on it’s not that simple--you have to fight for it. 

it’s ironic because at first being TOSSED into the Digital World his idea surrounding it and the others: they would learn from the experiences they face and find out things about themselves they didn’t know about before. he literally stands there and says in similar context ‘i’m waiting to change who i am. i thought i would have felt different by now but i don’t.’ you can’t wait for that kind of thing, you have to REACH OUT AND GRAB IT.

this type of change later on he finds is self realization, it’s you looking deeper inside and deciding if you want to continue being this way. it’s casting away your self doubt, bringing in the positives, cracking the darkness fermented your shoulders. he wanted to be more open, trusting, and himself. by the end of season one he does just that. teenage---hell, not even near teens yet but the angst this child carries is immaculate.