it was supposed to be just a hangout with hansol like one of the many they had in the past —when origin wasn’t as big and ahreum wasn’t as heartbroken and devoured by his own demons, when he could look at his friends in the face without feeling his shoulders instinctively flinching. and hating himself even more for not being able to keep himself together, to fake a little bit more for the safety and wellbeing of his friends always brought above his own, their love a fuel he cowardly would cling to, afraid of loneliness like he was of the hard hits having him fainted on the floor more, more, always more.
it was supposed to be nothing big, but every time he tried to skip channels at the other’s television while being curled on the other’s couch, there was always origin —no, junsu— there over and over and he just couldn’t take it anymore. he wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, but he knew he had no one to hold onto, because no one could know, no one had to know, or he even more would become a burden for someone he would have jumped off a cliff if asked to. he could feel his nose sniffle and his body tensing up at the realization tears were falling down and he hadn’t even noticed —worse, hansol was there, hansol could see, hansol wasn’t supposed to like many in that world—, the bottom of his palm pushing those salty droplets away and he didn’t want to look at the other, didn’t want to look at the judgement, “ i’m, ugh——it’s okay, i, uh. got something in the eye—— ” yeah, a bad case of redness via tears and castles of cards falling apart at each attempt at keeping them all together. “ tell me the pizza is going to arrive soon. ”
