vanilla salt
↳ summary: the entire school thinks you’re in love with kim sunwoo, but only you and sunwoo seem to know that’s not the case.
↳ prompt: “and i’m thinking that at this point, we’re so terrible that we deserve each other.“
↳ pairing: sunwoo x gender neutral reader
↳ genre: fluff, angst
↳ themes & tropes: friends to lovers, high school au, matchmaker au, implied love triangle?
↳ warnings: the word “damn” is mentioned once
↳ word count: 4.1k
↳ notes: if you understand what the title is referencing i love you <3 this fic is loosely based on toradora and was originally written as a birthday present for a mutual but life got in the way for me and then they deactivated… ira if u see this, this one’s for you!!! there’s also a brief tense switch in the second scene to emphasize that it’s a flashback, so i hope that’s not confusing either.
[this fic has been reuploaded]
“So you and Sunwoo…” Eunbin pries, her face lighting up in curiosity as she peers around your locker.
“We’re not together,” you say, exasperated, grabbing your lab notebook before slamming the door shut.
“But you like him, right?”
“We’re just friends!”
Before you can turn to leave, she pulls you back by your sleeve, leaning in to whisper in your ear. “I’ve never seen you exchange more than two words with Kim Sunwoo outside of class until last week. I’m your best friend and even I find it strange.” She pokes you firmly in the chest as if to further drive her point home. “You’re hiding something, I’m sure of it.”
You don’t know why the entire school seems to think you’re in love with Kim Sunwoo. Under different circumstances, you might’ve found the situation amusing, especially considering the person you really like is Eric Sohn, Sunwoo’s best friend, and the person Sunwoo likes is Kwon Eunbin, your best friend—the very same Eunbin who’s convinced the two of you are hiding something from her.
Then again, you and Sunwoo are the only ones who know the truth. That’s the reason why you’re in this mess in the first place.
The classroom was empty, lights dimmed and doors closed. You took one more glance at the hallway, making sure that no one else had come back from lunch early before slipping into the room without a sound. Your grip tightened on the note in your hand as you made a beeline for Eric’s desk, the edges of the envelope starting to fold under the pressure. Crouching down, you unzipped his backpack quietly.
“What are you doing?” a voice called out, causing you to jump up in surprise.
“Nothing,” you squeaked, attempting to conceal your confession before the intruder could catch a glimpse of it. A hand shot out to grab your wrist, and with a sudden tug, you found yourself face to face with Kim Sunwoo, the star of the boys’ soccer team—and the school’s resident heartthrob. He plucked the piece of paper out of your grasp, a smirk on his lips.
“What were you doing in Eric’s bag?” he asked, holding your letter in front of him.
“None of your business,” you snapped, snatching it out of his hand. Thankfully, he hadn’t even bothered to open the note, saving you from any future embarrassment.
Or so you thought.
When Sunwoo opened his mouth to speak again, you wished the ground would swallow the both of you whole, dread filling the bottom of your stomach.
“Do you like Eric? Is that what that was? A confession?”
“I said, mind your own damn business,” you hissed, crumpling the envelope in your hand as you turned to leave the room.
“Wait! I think we can help each other out!”
You stopped in your tracks, eyeing him curiously across the room. “What do you have in mind?”
“You like Eric, right?” Sunwoo didn’t even bother to wait for an answer, instead launching straight into his next point. “You know, I’m his best friend. I can set you two up.”
“What’s the catch?” you retorted, crossing your arms over your chest.
“Well uh…” Sunwoo started, his voice trailing off as he sheepishly scratched the back of his neck, the tips of his ears turning red. “Do you know if Eunbin likes someone?”
“Wait. You like Kwon Eunbin?” you exclaimed, despite Sunwoo’s frantic gestures for you to keep quiet.
“Do you have any other friends named Eunbin?”
Your jaw dropped open in shock. Kim Sunwoo, who could have anyone he wanted at the school, was asking you, a virtual stranger, to help him win someone over? You almost laughed at how absurd it all sounded, half expecting someone to come barging through the door to tell you it was all a prank.
“Why do you look so surprised?” he questioned, brow furrowed in confusion.
“To answer your first question, no, she isn’t seeing someone. I’m just surprised you asked, that’s all. You don’t seem like the type who needs advice on how to talk to girls.”
“She’s not just any girl! She’s your best friend!”
“I’m sure you can manage to talk to her without my help.”
“If you help me, I won’t tell anyone about your crush on Eric. One best friend to another, deal?”
“Fine,” you muttered, reluctantly shaking Sunwoo’s hand. “Just don’t tell anyone about what you saw today.”
Sunwoo tilted his head to the side, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “What are you talking about?”
By the time you head down to the cafeteria for lunch, Sunwoo’s already waiting for you, pulling out the chair next to him as you place your bag down.
“Our class trip is this weekend,” he says.
“Eunbin thinks we’re hiding something from her,” you blurt out at the same time.
Sunwoo stares at you blankly. “We are hiding something from her.”
“She thinks I have feelings for you!” you continue. “How are you going to ask her out then?”
“Just tell her you like Eric! Problem solved!”
You catch a glimpse of Eric out of the corner of your eye, quickly shushing Sunwoo as you fix a pleasant smile on your face.
Eric places his tray down across the table from you, glancing up in your direction. “This seat isn’t taken, right?”
“Not at all!” Sunwoo chimes in. “I was just talking to Y/N about the trip this weekend. You’re coming with us, right?”
“Sure, if it’s fine with you guys. I can always hang out with the baseball team.”
“Don’t worry about it! Y/N’s planning on bringing Eunbin too,” Sunwoo insists, his face lighting up with a grin.
“I am?” you ask, earning yourself a nudge from Sunwoo’s elbow. “Oh yeah, I am!”
“Oh, that sounds good then,” Eric replies with a small smile.
Ever since your encounter with Sunwoo a week ago, he and Eric have become familiar faces at your usual lunch table, making themselves at home amongst your friends. Today, however, Eunbin is nowhere to be seen.
She must be running late because of calc, you muse, stealing a fry off of Sunwoo’s plate.
“Hey!” Sunwoo protests, moving his tray further away from you as you make a face at him in return. “Get your own!”
“What are you guys up to?” Eunbin interrupts. Both of you turn around to find her standing behind you, her backpack left half open in her rush to get down to lunch in time. Sunwoo pauses, a blush starting to blossom on his cheeks, and you quickly step in.
“We were just waiting for you! You’re free this weekend, right? I was hoping you were gonna come on the class trip with us.”
“Sure, that sounds fine,” Eunbin responds, shrugging off her bag as she takes the seat next to Eric’s.
“What do you think they’re going to do this year?” Eric asks.
“I don’t care as long as it’s better than last year’s trip,” Sunwoo offers, leaning back in his chair. “That sucked.”
“Oh god, I remember that,” Eunbin adds. “It rained the entire time and we were crammed into the bus.”
“It wasn’t that bad,” you counter. “At least we were dry.”
“It was lame, Y/N,” all three of them say in unison, causing the four of you to break out into a fit of laughter.
“Not that I mind hanging out with them, but since when were you, Sunwoo, and Eric a ‘we’?” Eunbin muses after school, stopping in front of her car to look for her keys.
Taking a deep breath, you briefly glance around the parking lot, making sure you’re out of earshot from anyone nearby. “Ok, promise not to laugh,” you reply, recalling Sunwoo’s advice to you earlier that day.
Eunbin sends you a confused look, a small frown forming on her lips. “I’m not going to laugh at you.”
“Sunwoo’s setting me up with Eric.”
Eunbin pauses, her grip on the car door loosening as she whirls around to face you. “You like Eric?” she screeches, the words practically ringing in your ears. You wince, hoping no one was close enough to hear her.
Lowering your voice to a whisper, you mutter, “Yeah, I like him, not Sunwoo.”
“How come you told Sunwoo before me?” Eunbin pouts, throwing her bag haphazardly into the back as she climbs into the driver’s seat. “I’m your best friend!”
“It’s not like I wanted him to know!” you respond, shutting the passenger door closed. “He caught me trying to sneak a letter into Eric’s backpack during lunch last week.”
“You were going to confess to him?”
You wave your hands in front of your face, cheeks heating up in embarrassment. “Yes! No! I wasn’t going to put my name on it, think of it like a secret admirer.”
“You must really like him then,” Eunbin murmurs as she starts the car, her eyes fixed on the rearview mirror.
“Yeah, I think I do.”
“Let’s check out the haunted house!” Eunbin calls out, dragging you ahead of the group. Looking over your shoulder, you can’t help but notice how Sunwoo lags behind his peers, bending down to retie his already tied shoelaces in an attempt to slow you all down.
While the rest of your group excitedly lines up in front of the venue, you wait for Sunwoo, nudging him gently with his shoulder as he passes by. “What are you worried about?” you start. “Nothing’s going to happen to you.”
Sunwoo doesn’t respond, biting his bottom lip in apprehension.
“Come on, let’s catch up to the rest of them. You don’t want to get stuck in the back, do you?” you tease, taking his hand in yours.
Despite your valiant attempts to maneuver Sunwoo towards Eunbin, it seems like fate has it out for you. As soon as you reach the rest of the group, Eric shouts, “Rock paper scissors to see who has to go in the back!”—prompting a chorus of groans to erupt around you. None of your friends seem to have any better ideas, though, which is why you end up having to endure the entire haunted house sandwiched between both Eric and Sunwoo.
By the time you manage to make it out (alive, you might add, no thanks to the both of them), you think you might have to get your ears checked out later, especially with the amount of screaming emitted from the three of you two of them. Your heartbeat pounds erratically in your ears, and you can’t tell if you’re feeling the residual effects of the adrenaline rush, or if it’s because of the way Eric still clutches onto your hand like a lifeline. Next to you, Sunwoo practically falls to his knees in relief the minute he steps foot outside, taking a moment to catch his breath.
“What took you guys so long?” Eunbin exclaims, pushing herself off the wall to help Sunwoo back up.
“Sorry, we got separated! These two”—you gesture at the two boys at your side—”were screaming so much that even the workers started to get worried.”
You don’t miss the way Eunbin’s eyes widen at the sight of your hand in Eric’s, your fingers tightly interlaced together. She winks in your direction, flashing you an inconspicuous thumbs up before she whisks Sunwoo away.
Seems like we didn’t need as much help as we thought we would, you think, watching Eunbin and Sunwoo dissolve into a fit of giggles as they wait in line to order their food.
Eric clears his throat next to you, letting go of your hand as he glances in the other direction sheepishly. “We should probably get lunch soon too,” he says, interrupting you from your thoughts. “We don’t want to fall behind again.”
A quick look around the area confirms his suspicions. It seems like most of your group has already branched off to get their own food, and while you can spot a few familiar faces nearby, you don’t feel like intruding.
“Ah, we should… Does this sound alright to you?” you ask, pointing at the menu of a nearby food stand.
Eric beams at you, his smile as warm as the sunlight on your skin. “I’m down for anything,” he replies, taking hold of your hand once more as he leads you to the line.
Your gaze lingers on your hands. What does this mean? you wonder, attempting to quell the thunderous heartbeat in your chest.
Your phone clatters on the library table, cutting through the sounds of shuffling papers and clicking keyboards as you stare at Eunbin in shock. A few people glance up, surprised by the sudden noise, but thankfully, most of them don’t even bother to lift their heads from their work. Eunbin avoids your eyes, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.
“Youngkyun asked you out?” you hiss, repeating the words she had uttered only moments before, making sure to keep your voice down.
“Yeah,” she murmurs, taking the seat next to you. “We started hanging out after we worked on that history project this month. Right around when you and Sunwoo started hanging out.” She props her chin upon the palm of her hand, her cheeks flushed.
Ah, you do remember her mentioning his name before. It makes sense that the two of them grew closer while you spent more time with Sunwoo and Eric. It’s not like you expected her to wait around for you.
Speaking of Sunwoo…
“I didn’t think much of it at first,” Eunbin continues, “but now, I think I like him too. ‘Kyun’s really sweet,”—the corners of her lips twitch up into a shy smile—”and cute.”
Both of you chuckle at that, and you lean in closer, silently prompting her to provide more details. There’s no denying that Eunbin cares about Youngkyun. Her face seems like it’s bathed in a celestial glow, even under the library’s harsh lighting, and her eyes shine like the stars as she gushes about him.
Despite this, your cheeks feel heavy as you muster up a grin in her direction. You’re happy for your best friend—you really are—but why does it feel like you’re betraying Sunwoo?
You spot Sunwoo in front of the school the next morning, his hands tucked into his pockets and the tip of his shoe scraping against the pavement. When he spots you walking through the gates, a broad grin breaks out across his face as he waves in your direction.
Glancing briefly around the area, you pull Sunwoo aside, away from any possible eavesdroppers. You take a step back, making sure to maintain a good distance away from him, lest people get the wrong idea.
You dread what’s about to come next.
“I understand if you don’t want to help me anymore,” you mutter, eyes fixed on the ground as you avoid his gaze, guilt pooling in your stomach.
Sunwoo takes a step forward, tilting his head to the side in confusion. “What do you mean?”
He probably hasn’t heard the news yet, you think, taking a deep breath. “Oh, um...”—you twist the strap of your bag in your hands—”Youngkyun and Eunbin are together now, so you don’t have to help me with Eric anymore since I can’t help you. I’m—”
Sunwoo shakes his head, chuckling softly under his breath. You stop mid-sentence, taken aback by his reaction.
You don’t know how you expected him to act, but despite all of the possible scenarios that ran through your head the night before, Sunwoo still manages to surprise you.
“Are you laughing at me?” you sputter, shoving him in the shoulder.
Sunwoo catches your hand before you can land another blow, his grip light around your wrist. “That’s not your fault,” he replies, his gaze softening. “Besides, I’d rather see her happy. She’s my friend now too.”
“I didn’t know you were such a romantic,” you scoff, rolling your eyes.
“Don’t worry about holding up your end of the deal. We’re friends, so I’ll help you anyways.” He gives your hand one more squeeze before releasing it from his grasp, just as the bell rings.
“I’ll see you at lunch!” Sunwoo calls out over his shoulder, turning back to head inside.
“See you!”
You glance down at the palm of your hand. What was that about?
“Is Sunwoo running late?” Eric asks, scanning your surroundings. The two of you are standing in front of a local cafe, both of your bags filled to the brim with textbooks and notebooks. With exam season drawing closer, Sunwoo had suggested the three of you meet up to go over notes and quiz each other—and yet, he’s nowhere to be seen.
As if to answer Eric’s question, both of your phones light up simultaneously, text messages popping up on your screens.
sunwoo: sorry i cant make it
sunwoo: something came up w my sister
sunwoo: u guys can study wo me
“He’s not sorry at all,” you mutter, your face heating up in embarrassment. Way to be subtle, Kim Sunwoo.
“What was that?” Eric glances up from his phone.
“Nothing!” you blurt out, waving your hands in front of you. “Do you want to head inside?”
“Sure. I mean, it’s not like Sunwoo was going to be that helpful anyways,” he jokes, his eyes crinkling up with his smile as he holds the door open for you.
While the two of you wait in line to order, Eric nudges you gently with his arm, leaning over to whisper in your ear. “You can go find us a table. Just tell me what you want, I’ll pay for it.”
“You don’t have to!” you protest, fumbling through your bag for your wallet.
He places his hand over yours, offering you a reassuring smile. “You can pay next time!”
Next time?
In fact, there is a next time, and a time after that—and a time after that. Soon enough, you and Eric don’t even need to make plans, not when both of you regularly show up to the coffee shop at the same time each week, like clockwork. But as the weeks go by, you can’t shake the feeling that Sunwoo’s starting to avoid you.
You shouldn’t think twice about how Sunwoo goes out of his way to push you and Eric together at every opportunity he gets. It’s a ridiculous notion—especially considering the nature of your relationship in the first place—but Sunwoo’s your friend now too, and you care about him.
Maybe it is a bit strange that Sunwoo always seems to avert his gaze whenever your eyes meet, as if he’s guilty of something. Maybe it’s also strange that Eric no longer makes your heart race when the two of you are alone—at least, not like he used to. (You chalk that up to the fact that you and Eric have grown closer to and more comfortable with each other over time though.)
As much as you enjoy spending time with Eric, your days feel empty without Sunwoo’s presence at your side, even though your paths cross frequently in the halls and you exchange small talk between classes.
(He smiles at you like nothing’s changed. It feels like there are oceans between the two of you, like the two of you are on opposite sides of a bottomless chasm held together by a fraying rope bridge. You can’t even fathom crossing it.)
You miss him.
You miss Sunwoo.
In hindsight, you probably should have realized that you have feelings for Sunwoo sooner. You should have noticed on your class trip, after you instinctively reached out to him in the darkness of the haunted house, holding onto him for comfort (both his and your own). You should have noticed when Eunbin tells you about her feelings for Youngkyun and your first thoughts are of Sunwoo’s happiness, not your best friend’s—nor your own. You should have noticed as Sunwoo rubs gentle circles onto the back of your hand in the school courtyard, even as he tells you that it’s ok that you can’t help him anymore because Eunbin has a boyfriend now, and he can’t control her feelings any more than you can. You should have noticed your disappointment every time Sunwoo blows off your plans so that you can spend more time with Eric, and you can’t bring yourself to admit that you would have rather spent time with him.
There’s no epiphany, no eureka moment, no precise instant where the sheer force of your emotions barrels into you, forcing you to come to terms with your newfound reality. Instead, the realization trickles into you slowly, like water dripping from a leaky faucet: slow enough for you to compartmentalize it and save it for another day—until you can’t possibly ignore it anymore.
You’re in love with Kim Sunwoo, and he still thinks you have a crush on his best friend.
We need to talk,” you say, pulling Sunwoo into an empty classroom while everyone else heads down to the cafeteria.
“What is there to talk about?” Sunwoo responds, his voice flat as he leans against the door. “All you have to do now is ask Eric out. I’ve done all that I can do for you.”
With that, he slides open the door, slipping out of the room before you can get another word out.
So much for not letting the deal ruin our relationship, you think bitterly, your gaze drilling holes into his back as he turns the corner and disappears from your line of sight. Swallowing your pride, you run after him.
The staircase door slams shut, echoing throughout the empty hallway. You head towards the sound, your breath coming out in quick huffs as you pick up the pace, not willing to let this chance slide out of your grasp.
As soon as your fingers graze the handle, the door swings open. You crash into Eric’s chest, his eyes widening in surprise as he grabs ahold of your shoulders to steady you.
“Whoa there,” he says, grinning widely once he realizes it’s you. “I was just looking for you. Do you have a minute?”
“Not right now, sorry. Have you seen Sunwoo?” you ask, craning your neck over Eric’s shoulders.
“Oh.” You don’t know if it’s your imagination, but Eric’s smile falters a bit. He releases his hold on your shoulders, gesturing upwards. “I didn’t see anyone on my way here, but I think I saw someone heading up to the roof.”
“Thanks! I’ll catch up with you later.”
“Don’t worry about it!” Eric shouts after you as you run up the stairs.
Slamming the door open, you lean against the wall to catch your breath, scanning the roof for Sunwoo. When he sees you, he starts in surprise, taking in your disheveled appearance and the rapid rise and fall of your chest.
“You ran after me?”
“We weren’t finished talking,” you grumble.
“But I saw Eric coming upstairs! I thought you would have talked to him instead. I mean, you like him,” he rambles, as if he still can’t believe the sight in front of him.
With a sigh, you push yourself off the wall, marching up to him. “Can we stop talking about Eric?”
Confusion flickers across Sunwoo’s face briefly as he pauses, his response dying down in the back of his throat.
“I want answers,” you continue, your voice cracking under the weight of your emotions. “You said this arrangement wouldn’t change anything between us, that we would still be friends. But why have you been avoiding me for the past month? Please, Sunwoo, please just talk to me.”
Sunwoo takes a deep, shuddering breath, his eyes meeting yours once again. “I’m selfish, that’s why. I don’t think I could have watched someone I cared about fall in love with someone else, even if I cared about them too much to interfere with their personal happiness. I thought putting some distance between us would make things easier. Clearly, I was wrong.”
“You made me miserable, you know—” you laugh mirthlessly. A poignant silence hangs between the two of you. Your eyes trace his features carefully, committing him to memory in case you shatter what is already hanging by a thread.
“—and I’m thinking that at this point, we’re so terrible that we deserve each other.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I like you, Sunwoo. Not Eric,” you reply, a shy smile spreading across your face. “We’re terrible at this matchmaking thing, by the way. I mean, look at how this turned out. We both ended up falling for each other instead of our best friends.”
“I guess you’re right about that.” Sunwoo laughs as he takes your hand in his, lacing your fingers together. “I like you too, in case you didn’t know.”
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