i have this immeasurable pain that it seems i can longer bear. all i wanted is to be with him, to hug him and kiss him; to let him know that i am still right here. that i never intended to leave. that i will do anything to make him stay. even if i change my attitude and outfit, even myself. i am willing to forgive him anytime he comes back. my heart is still full of his memories and love for him.
i cried each time i remember him. my breakfast, lunch and dinner is my tears. i will never get mad at him. i still love him that’s all i can say. that’s why i let him go.
i got mixed emotions on the 6th day.
i remember the unbearable pain so well, when i cannot stop the tears from flowing even though i already wore my make-up and walking in the subway. but now, it is really different. i feel numb. i am confused with what i’m feeling. even if i wanted to cry, i can’t. for i believe that this is the therapy for broken hearts, i still can’t cry. i still love him but i can’t bear the words to say that again. i am not that mad, but i already forgave him even without apologizing to me. no more tears. no more drama. i don’t know if i am ready to move on with my life without him. but yes, i miss him but not like before. i know this is too soon, but this is what i’m feeling. i feel numb. i feel careless. but i’m still afraid that i fall back in the dark pit again.
i don’t know what this phase is but maybe i am starting to accept it.
