I was always the type of person who would try to mend things with all who I considered close to me and look past the hurt or lack of reciprocity. I always felt like that’s what love was, loving despite it all. Until I noticed that loving someone can easily happen by just forgiving yet still allowing myself to love at a distance, I started to realize that I wasn’t being genuine to myself or to the people in my life. I was doing a disservice to myself by allowing my peace to be disturbed just to please others, feeling tremendous guilt for wanting to put myself and feelings first.
But then I slowly started to decide to put God in front of me, he became my peace in allowing me to surrender my need for wanting to salvage broken connections. I started to understand that he was protecting me by removing every person that was not meant to stay. That some are just placed for a moment of time just to teach, guide, awaken and then to leave.
I grew to understand that he was gently unraveling truths in others that I had not wanted to admit, but peace came when I stopped being disobedient with what God was releasing. Understanding that his “NO” was often mercy in disguise. Breaking relationships that were hindering his light and glory. He was always that gut feeling.
I realized that he wasn’t taking people away to hurt me but to guide me back to him. He was freeing space for what was always meant to be,to serve him fully. So now I don’t beg to be kept or fight to stay where love cost me clarity. I trust Him even when I don’t understand.
