A few years ago,
I always (and still) continually go on online websites (omegle, tumblr) in order to meet people and hopefully find friends. I met a girl who told me she’d be my friend if I faked and pretended to be someone else. I thought it was fine because I thought it wouldn’t lead to anything serious nor did I believe the person she wanted me to pretend to be someone else to was someone I would actually enjoy. I should have known better but I didn’t. Down the road, that girl and I hurt someone she was lustfully aiming for and someone I in turn actually ended up liking. This ended up messing me up internally. I lost sight of who I was, I faked someone else to be friends with a girl who only used me because I knew that boy would hate me when I told him the truth (which I did about three years later) and now I’m at where I’m at.
Truth be told, however, I did like that boy. He was the most enlightened boy and I liked him. But he would never been someone to have loved me and that’s what broke me. When I told him the truth, I begged for the girl who convinced me to catfish someone to tell him the truth because I was still searching for who the girl I was faking was. But it didn’t happen and she managed to get her phone disconnected and stopped responding to my emails. I also gave her personal information just because I wanted her to trust me. Later did I find out she used my personal email (a gmail account) to create multiple other Facebook identities but deleted the emails Facebook sent to me so I had no idea this was all being done until I wanted to create a Facebook for myself and couldn’t because it was connected to a different name.
I hate myself for it everyday and I apologize deeply for my actions. But now I’m much too scared to talk to those people again and I can’t apologize because there are some things that just can’t be done any further to avoid any more conflict than there already is. Though I individually apologized to the guy I catfished and the girl I pretended to be.
Now I’m back to where I began. Alone with no friends, depressed, and I don’t know how to atone for my sins anymore.
That is my statement of purpose for this blog. Poorly written but it is my purpose. For those who need to talk about their problems or to write confessions and to receive anonymous ears to listen to your troubled minds, I have got you all.