What's Real ~ Fox x F! Jedi Reader
Summary: You're bored out of your mind at a Senate banquet. Fortunately, Fox has some "confiscated contraband" that's enough to lure you from your post. However, this leads to a topic that catches Fox off-guard, leading him to slip out his best kept secret. Word Count: 10.1k (i need therapy) Warnings: Brief alcohol consumption, mutual pining, openly discussing sex like it's nothing, THIS IS SMUT - MINORS DNI A/N: I am incapable of writing a SFW Fox fic. Thank you @bigbadbatch for beta reading this for me so I don't die like Fives. join my taglist / masterlist
The heavy double doors of the Republic Senate Banquet Hall were designed to keep the chaos of Coruscant out, but all they really accomplished was trapping a different, far more exhausting brand of madness inside.
To the average galactic citizen, tonight’s gala was the pinnacle of high society. It was a dazzling display of unity, wealth, and unwavering resilience in the face of a grueling war. To you, it was a waking nightmare. The air inside the cavernous hall was heavily perfumed with imported Corellian lilies, expensive roasted meats, and the sweat of hundreds of politicians who had never seen the muddy trenches of the Outer Rim. The noise was a bruising weight on your ears. It was a chaotic symphony of clinking crystal glassware, high pitched forced laughter, and sycophantic conversations that made your temples throb.
Worse than the noise, however, was the clothes.
The formal ceremonial robes of a Jedi were clearly designed by someone who had never had to swing a lightsaber, let alone stand perfectly still for four hours under the blinding glare of high intensity lights. Your formal attire was a masterpiece of restrictive design. The inner tunics were woven from a heavy, stiff linen that scratches mercilessly against your collarbone. Over that sat the drapes. They were thick bands of dark, heavy fabric that pressed down on your shoulders like pieces of lead armor. The final insult was the formal cloak. The yards upon yards of floor-length silk caught on your boots every time you shifted your weight, wrapping around your legs like a fabric trap.
To the Senate, the outfit looked like discipline and flawless devotion to the Republic. To you, it just felt like a very expensive, very hot coffin.
You were stationed near the Chancellor’s elevated dinner table, ostensibly under the guise of "heightened security detail." In reality, you were a glorified living ornament. The Jedi Council loved to place its generals on display at these functions. You served as a subtle, visual reminder to the wealthy dignitaries that the Order was successfully bleeding for them on the front lines, so they should probably keep voting to fund the military.
Every muscle in your shoulders was locked into a painful knot. You tried to rely on your training, closing your eyes for a brief second to reach into the Force, searching for a thread of peace. But the Force in this room was a muddy, turbulent swamp.
One senator was hoping another senator’s trade route would collapse. Meanwhile, a corporate delegate was furious that his glass of Alderaanian wine wasn't chilled to the exact, correct temperature.
The sheer, concentrated selfishness of the upper class was staggering. If you stayed inside for one more minute, you were going to entirely lose your composure.
Stepping backward into the deep, welcoming shadow of a massive marble pillar, you bided your time. You watched the crowd for a while, timing your exit perfectly between a boisterous burst of laughter from a group and the grand entrance of a fresh, distracting tray of rare Naboo appetizers. The moment the eyes of the surrounding dignitaries shifted toward the food, you bolted.
You snuck down the hallway and slipped through a pair of arched glass doors at the rear of the hall and stepped out onto a balcony.
The air out here wasn't exactly clean - it was the upper levels of Coruscant, after all. It tasted faintly of speeder exhaust, and the permanent metallic rust of a world entirely made of durasteel. It was cold, but more importantly, it was beautifully quiet.
You immediately leaned your forearms against the polished stone railing, letting your head drop forward. You closed your eyes and took a long, slow, deep breath, letting the wind whip at your robes. Slowly, the tight, throbbing knot behind your eyes began to loosen.
You knew you couldn't stay out here forever. Eventually, an aide or a fellow Jedi would notice your absence. If anyone asks, you firmly told yourself, crafting the mental script, that you are conducting a physical sweep of the perimeter. You were just assessing security vulnerabilities along the outer terrace. You are doing your job. That would work.
"You look like you're plotting an escape, General."
The voice was instantly recognizable. You didn't even have to open your eyes to know who it was. Regardless, you opened your eyes and turned your head, a genuine, unforced smile breaking across your face for the first time all evening.
Commander Fox stood in the balcony doorway. He wasn't wearing his helmet - it was tucked securely under his left arm. In his right hand, he casually carried two condensation beaded glasses of chilled liquid.
"Commander," you exhaled, letting your rigid posture slump just a fraction now that you were in safe, trusted company, "Are you accusing me of slacking?"
"Just making an observation," Fox replied smoothly, his boots clicking with each step against the stone tiles as he walked out onto the balcony. He stepped right up to the railing and extended his right hand, offering one of the glasses, "Here. It looked like you were about two minutes away from drawing your lightsaber on yourself."
You took the glass, your fingers brushing briefly against the rough, black fabric of his glove. You took a sip and nearly sighed with relief. The liquid was crisp, ice cold, and carried a sharp bite. It was the exact kind of drink you would get for yourself if you wanted to forget where you were.
"You're terrifying, Fox," you teased, raising the glass to him in a silent toast, "Did they teach you mindreading on Kamino, or is this a specialized skill they only give in Commander training?”
Fox took a slow, deliberate sip from his own glass, a rare, faint smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Neither, Sir. It’s just what happens when a clone gets stuck on the same planet with his commanding officer for an entire war. You learn the tells. For instance, when you start rubbing the bridge of your nose right before the Chancellor speaks, it means I have approximately ninety seconds before you completely bolt."
You let out a soft, genuine laugh, "Am I really that transparent?"
"Only to me," Fox murmured. His eyes drifted away from you, fixing on the endless, swirling traffic lanes below, where millions of speeders blurred into rivers of red and white light cutting through the skyscrapers. His smirk faded, replaced by his usual, no nonsense professionalism, though his tone remained relaxed, stripped of the rigid military formality he used regularly, "And frankly, I don't blame you tonight. The banquet is a complete disaster. I've spent the last hour stationed near the western entrance listening to a senator from Bespin complain about the air quality on Coruscant."
You snorted into your drink, thoroughly amused, "You're joking."
"I wish I were," Fox exhaled, "A man who literally represents a floating city surrounded by toxic gas clouds spent fifteen minutes lecturing me on atmospheric filtration systems and the legal rights of Tibanna gas workers. Protocol dictates that I remain silent, stand at attention, and maintain a pleasant, compliant demeanor. But internally? I was calling him a colossal idiot in three different languages. It's pure bantha crap in there tonight, General. You don't want to go back in for the closing toasts. Trust me."
"And what do you suggest I do instead, Commander?" you asked, tilting your head back against the stone pillar, looking up at him with a playful, challenging glint in your eyes, "Desert my post entirely? Mr. Protocol himself, suggesting a retreat from a mandatory Senate function? I'm shocked. Truly. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you had a hot date lined up down in the lower levels."
Fox actually scoffed, a short, sharp laugh that rattled the plastoid plating on his chest. "A date. Right. Because between managing logistics for this entire planet, dealing with the Chancellor’s endless security audits, and hunting down rogue bounty hunters, I have so much free time to court civilians."
He turned his head to look back at you, his intense gaze holding yours for a moment longer than usual. "No date. But I did manage to acquire something far more valuable than a civilian companion during a customs raid in the lower docks this morning."
Your curiosity sparked instantly. Your strict Jedi training entirely failed to suppress the sudden, human urge to know what a tightly wound Clone Commander considered contraband worth bragging about. You leaned in slightly, your robes rustling. "Oh? Do tell, Commander. What did you find?"
Fox leaned closer, lowering his gravelly voice to a conspiratorial whisper, as if they were discussing highly classified Separatist intel rather than standing on a balcony at a public gala. "My men impounded a light Corellian freighter coming in from the Mid Rim. The captain was smuggling unmarked spices, but his personal cabin had some luxury items. Specifically, a pristine, high definition, completely functioning holoscreen. Color-accurate, localized audio, no blue hue. The whole works."
You blinked, a bit startled. "Fox. Did you steal a civilian holoscreen?"
"I requisitioned a piece of unmonitored electronic equipment for monitoring purposes," he corrected flawlessly, his eyes gleaming with a hint of rare, wicked mischief, "It is currently set up and fully operational in my quarters at the military ops center. And before we left for this nightmare gala, Thone got it hooked up to the local broadcast feed."
You stared at him, a sudden, ridiculous realization dawning on you. "Wait so you’re saying-"
"Dilf Dungeon," Fox beamed, “That diabolical show you saw that ad for outside 79’s and have been curious about ever since? The season premiere is tonight. If we leave through the eastern maintenance lift right now, we can escape before the Chancellor's convoy blocks the main exits."
The sheer, glorious absurdity of the situation struck you right in the chest. A highly respected Jedi General and the fearsome Commander of the Coruscant Guard, elite protectors of the Republic, bailing on a crucial, high stakes political gala just to go watch trashy civilian dating drama on a stolen holoscreen.
"Fox," your voice was entirely devoid of any Jedi restraint as a massive, beaming grin split your face, making your eyes crinkle, "If I get caught, I am telling the entire Council that you baited me.”
Fox pulled his helmet from under his arm, sliding it back over his head. Through the visor, his voice carried a distinct, amused smirk. "They'll never believe you, General."
By the time Fox's private office door sealed shut behind you, the tension in your shoulders from the weight of your robes had turned into a dull, throbbing ache.
The main office room was exactly what you would expect from the Commander of the Coruscant Guard. It was a functional, unyielding workspace dominated by a heavy central desk stacked with encrypted datapads and a flickering tactical grid mapping the lower districts. There were no personal trinkets and no signs of life outside of the strict demands of a soldier.
To the side, however, a narrow door led into his private quarters. It was a compact layout designed for sleeping and that’s it. The quarters were dominated by a single, narrow cot pushed flush against the dark durasteel wall like a utilitarian daybed, and tucked just beside it was a private refresher.
"Make yourself at home, General," Fox murmured as he unlatched his chest plate. He set the plastoid armor into its designated spot for the night. "The security logs for the night shouldn't hit my desk for another few hours. We have time."
He stepped past the cot, bending down to pull a heavy, reinforced storage crate out from beneath the frame. He flipped the latches, fished out a folded bundle of dark fabric, and disappeared behind the sliding door of the refresher.
You leaned your back against the edge of his metal desk, crossing your arms tightly over the heavy, suffocating layers of your ceremonial robes. Every second spent wrapped in the stiff, chafing inner tunics felt like a minor form of torture.
When the refresher door hissed open a minute later, Fox stepped out completely transformed. The imposing Commander of the Guard had vanished. In his place was a man wearing simple, standard issue gray GAR sweatpants and a form fitting black t-shirt with a faded Republic cog stamped over the left chest. Stripped of the bulk of his armor, the sheer physical reality of his build was obvious. But most important, he looked entirely comfortable.
An immediate, sharp wave of jealousy hit you right in the chest.
"You've got to be kidding me," you groaned, looking from his relaxed collar down to your own heavily draped, velvet lined prison of a robe. "You look like you're about to take a standard cycle of shore leave, and I am currently sweating through three separate layers of formal roves. Do you happen to have a spare set of those in that crate, or am I expected to watch the premiere of Dilf Dungeon like an expensive human statue?"
Fox paused, an amused smirk tugging slowly at the corner of his mouth. He leaned his hip against the doorframe of the refresher, crossing his thick arms over his chest as he took in the sheer, tragic absurdity of your elaborate attire.
"The crate is strictly inventoried for Guard personnel, General," he hummed, his voice dripping with dry, playful trouble. "I'm fairly certain misappropriating Grand Army physical training gear for a Jedi civilian counts as a code violation. I'd hate to have to write myself up."
"Fox," you warned, narrowing your eyes at him with a mock-serious glare, "I am your commanding officer. If I have to sit on that cot in these formal drapes, I will make it my personal mission to make you audit the entire military inventory logs for the next three standard months."
Fox let out a short, low huff of a laugh, shaking his head. "Rank pulling. Truly unbecoming of a peacekeeper."
Despite the teasing, he moved back to the storage crate beneath his bed without a second thought. He dug through the neatly stacked contents until he found another bundle of dark gray and black fabric, tossing it directly at your chest. "Here. Go. Before you actually find a code violation to charge me with."
You caught the heavy, soft material with a triumphant grin, "Thank you, Commander."
You practically bolted into the small refresher. With an almost aggressive sense of relief, you began tearing at the intricate, stubborn bands at your shoulders. You unpinned everything, letting the thousands of credits worth of custom tailored fabric fall into a sad, crumpled, abandoned pile in the corner of the floor.
You shook out your arms, letting out a long, shuddering breath of pure physical freedom, and reached for Fox's spare clothes.
The moment you pulled the gray sweatpants up, however, the reality of the size hit you. Clones were engineered to be tall, heavily muscled soldiers. You, by comparison, were completely swallowed alive by the fabric.
The thick waistband of the sweatpants had to be rolled over three full times just to keep them from sliding completely off your hips, and even then, the heavy fleece cuffs pooled comically around your bare ankles. You pulled the black short sleeved t-shirt over your head, and the shoulder seams dropped halfway down your biceps, the hem hanging so low it reached nearly to your knees. You pushed the massive sleeves up your arms, took a breath, and slid the door open.
Fox was standing by the desk, adjusting the volume on the scavenged holoscreen. The moment the refresher door hissed open, his eyes snapped over to you.
He froze entirely. His gaze slowly tracked from the comically rolled up waistband down to the pooled fabric at your feet, then back up to the way the oversized collar shifted loosely against your bare collarbone.
A silence stretched across the room. Then, a deep, rumbling chuckle started at the base of Fox's chest.
"This is outstanding," Fox remarked dryly, a genuine grin splitting his face as he shook his head, "Good to know that if the Separatists ever cut off our supply lines to the front, we can use my spare physical training uniform as an emergency shelter for you. You're drowning in that, General."
"Oh, shut up," you whined, throwing your hands up in exasperation, though you couldn't help but laugh as you took a clumsy step forward, nearly tripping over the excess fabric of the left pant leg. You kicked your foot out toward him in mock defiance. "It is incredibly comfortable. And frankly, after three hours of standing like a statue for the Chancellor, I don't care if I look like a deflated balloon. Now, turn on the contraband, Commander. I didn't risk a lecture from the council just to stand here and be roasted by my own officer."
Fox let out another soft huff, the amused glint still lingering in his eyes as he walked over to the narrow cot. He plopped onto one side of the mattress, leaning his back straight against the wall, one leg bent casually up to support his arm.
You happily shuffled over, navigating the massive sweatpants, and plopped down on the opposite side of the cot. The mattress was firm but compared to standing on the cold marble floors of the Senate, it felt like absolute heaven. You pulled your legs up, crossing them securely beneath the massive folds of the gray shirt, using the far side of the durasteel wall to prop yourself up.
Fox picked up a small, heavily modified remote control, pointing it toward the crate near the foot of the bed. "The things I let myself get dragged into," he grumbled, "If anyone checks the power logs and asks why my quarters has a signal that is streaming a civilian broadcast, I'm blaming you."
"No one will check," you shot back smoothly, leaning your head against the wall. "Boot it up, Fox."
Fox paused, the remote control hovering in his hand. He didn't turn toward the screen immediately. Instead, he slowly turned his head to look back at you, his brow raised.
"Fox?" he questioned, his eyes locking onto yours with amusement, "So we're good to drop titles entirely now?"
You gave him an unbothered, playful tilt of your chin. "I’m hiding in your private quarters, wearing your sweatpants. Titles can take a break."
"Fair enough."
With a quick tap of his thumb, the holoscreen hummed to life. His quarters were instantly flooded with light, casting vibrant shadows across the cold durasteel walls.
Within two minutes, the sheer, unadulterated chaos of civilian entertainment exploded into the room. The show’s premise was laid out by a wildly enthusiastic Twi'lek host with entirely too white teeth and an obnoxiously shimmering vest. A group of young, incredibly glamorous civilians had been moved into a luxury estate on a tropical resort world, entirely unaware that the new batch of contestants entering the house to date them were, in fact, their own fathers.
Fox's expression went from mild curiosity to absolute, unfiltered horror in a matter of frames.
His jaw visibly tightened as a young human woman on screen began sobbing hysterically into a silk couch because her father had just entered the main lounge wearing nothing but golden swim bottoms and immediately tried to flirt with the woman she befriended moments ago.
"What? What is this?" Fox asked as if he were trying to analyze a crime scene that made absolutely no logical sense. His brow furrowed so hard the scar near his hairline twisted. "Why is she weeping? Why is the man in the gold short talking directly to the recording droids about his 'emotional journey'? Is this some form of psychological warfare?"
You burst out laughing, the sound echoing brightly in the cramped room as you watched his face. "No, Fox! It’s a reality show. It’s entertainment. Look at his face! He genuinely thinks he’s the most attractive man in the Core."
"He looks like an insecure man with zero emotional discipline," Fox groaned, his eyes wide with a mixture of disgust and profound disbelief as the screen cut to a commercial for luxury speeders. He turned his head to look at you, “The civilian sector is completely untethered. If my men conducted themselves with this level of public instability, the Coruscant underworld would have dismantled the Guard in a standard week. Who watches this? Why would you want to watch this?"
"Because my life is filled with war, political corruption, and tragedy, Fox," you said softly, shifting slightly against the wall, your voice relaxing into the quiet space between you, "Watching entirely inconsequential people cry over entirely inconsequential problems is the only time my brain actually turns off. It's pure, beautiful, garbage, and I will defend it to the death as elite entertainment."
On screen, the dramatic music swelled as two contestants began a screaming match over who got the larger bedroom, but Fox wasn’t looking at the screen anymore.
He was still staring at you, his head tilted slightly, his eyes narrowed in deep thought.
"I still don't buy it," he mused. He shifted his weight on his side of the cot, resting his forearm on his raised knee. "There's got to be a psychological angle here. I bet you only like this garbage because it represents everything the Jedi Order doesn’t stand for."
You turned your head away from the screen, an amused smile playing on your lips. "And what exactly do you think is everything the Jedi Order doesn’t stand for?"
Fox gestured vaguely toward the screen with the remote control held loosely in his hand. "The whole premise of this show. It’s entirely centered on relationships, romance and sex. Those are the big no no’s, right? This is your way of experiencing all of that, but through civilians who don't have a code to follow." He leaned back slightly, a look of absolute certainty on his face. "It's all about relationships and sex. That's what you guys can't have, right?"
You let out a soft snort, leaning your head back against the wall. You looked at him, your expression entirely flat, completely devoid of the solemnity clones usually expected when their generals were discussing the Jedi Code.
"Relationships, no. Sex and romance? Yeah, we can."
Fox froze. The remote control dropped from his hand. For a second, his brain seemed to physically stutter, as his mind was trying to process a sentence that completely shattered everything he had been led to believe about the Jedi.
"What?" he asked, his voice dropping into a flat, stunned register. He blinked, shaking his head as if trying to clear a bad comms signal, "No really, what?"
"We are forbidden from forming attachments, Fox," you explained calmly, shifting comfortably within the massive, enveloping folds of his clothes. "We can't have possessive love, we can't get married, and we can't allow our personal feelings for another individual to dictate our actions or cloud our judgment. That leads to jealousy, fear of loss, and attachment. But the physical act itself? The Order doesn't forbid it."
Fox stared at you, his jaw tightening. To a man who had been bred, raised, and trained under strict, unyielding military protocols where every single action had a regulation attached to it, this loophole sounded completely lawless.
"How does that even work?" Fox questioned. He looked genuinely baffled as his hand dropped to his knee. "How do you just do that? How can anyone separate a physical act like that from emotional attachment? It's an intimate connection between two people. You can't just switch your brain off from attachment, right?"
You couldn't help but laugh at the sheer, intense gravity of his confusion. You gave him a playful, teasing look, tilting your head. "Oh, Fox. Look at you. You're a total romantic, aren't you?"
A dark, red flush crept up the back of Fox's neck, though he stubbornly refused to look away, his gaze locked onto yours with fierce curiosity. “I’m just trying to make sense of this.”
"It's strictly one night stands," you admitted, your tone softening as you laid out the cold reality of Jedi intimacy. You looked past him for a moment, watching the lights of the holoscreen dance across the ceiling. "It’s simple. You see someone once, and you go into it knowing that if they vanished from the galaxy tomorrow, you wouldn't care. There are no names exchanged, no second meetings, no comm frequencies traded. It begins and ends in that room."
You paused, letting out a small, quiet sigh that felt heavy in the narrow space between you. "I admit, it’s unfortunate. But it’s a necessary boundary to avoid attachment. It ensures that my path through the Force remains clear and untainted by the threat of loss. We take what we need for physical release, and then we walk away as strangers."
Fox didn't answer right away. He absorbed your words, his eyes tracking the subtle shift in your expression. The quiet in the room stretched out, entirely detached from the dramatic chaos playing out on the scavenged screen across from you.
Fox cleared his throat. He changed his position on the cot, leaning forward slightly, his chest tightening as he gathered a level of courage he rarely needed on the battlefield.
"Alright," he exhaled, prefacing his next line with a sharp, heavy breath that signaled he was stepping into dangerous territory, "This is the big one."
You raised a brow, thoroughly intrigued by his sudden intensity. "The big one?"
Fox swallowed, his eyes darting to the floor for a fraction of a second before snapping right back to yours, "So, is it any good?"
A wicked, delighted smirk broke across your face. You leaned forward, resting your elbows on your knees, entirely unwilling to let him off the hook that easily, "Is what any good, Fox?"
Fox's jaw clenched, his shoulders squaring as if he were facing down a firing squad. "The sex," he said, the word coming out clipped, professional, and entirely forced, "Is it any good?"
You hummed, leaning back against the wall again, throwing a casual, nonchalant shrug into your shoulders. "It’s fine. It’s not all it’s hyped up to be, honestly."
Fox completely short circuited.
He didn't just look surprised - he looked visibly, utterly stunned. He sat perfectly still on his side of the mattress, his eyes wide as your nonchalant review fully registered in his brain. He had sat through this entire conversation fully assuming that you were speaking purely from a theoretical standpoint. He had expected you to say you didn't know because you had never tried it.
But with your casual tone and your effortless dismissal of it all, it pretty much confirmed, without a shadow of a doubt, that you had. You had actually done it. With someone else. Someone nameless.
"Oh," Fox managed, the word coming out hollow.
The silence that followed was suffocating. Fox's gaze hardened, a strange, sharp tension suddenly flaring in his jaw. He placed his hand on his knee and squeezed, his knuckles turning white as he questioned the reality spinning out in front of him.
"You've actually done that?" he asked, "You've actually just gone out and found a stranger for the night?"
Fox sat perfectly still, his jaw locked so tightly that the small muscle near his temple twitched. The hollow, strained edge in his voice hung in the air between you, a tangible marker of the boundary he had just crossed by asking a question so raw and so entirely divorced from military protocol.
You blinked at him, momentarily caught off guard by the sheer intensity of his reaction. The defensive, almost possessive sharpness in his dark eyes was entirely unexpected. To you, discussing the cold realities of the Jedi Code was as natural as discussing standard supply routes or hyperspace coordinates. But looking at Fox now, you realized his engineered, structured mind was fighting to process something that felt inherently lawless.
A sudden, lighthearted thought broke through your confusion. You leaned forward, resting your elbows casually on your knees, allowing the hem of his black t-shirt to sag loosely against your collarbone.
"You know, Fox," you began, letting out a soft, incredulous gasp as you tilted your head to look up at him, "You’re sitting here looking at me like I’ve committed a crime. What exactly is stopping you from getting that kind of experience? Clones are technically allowed to. The Republic doesn't mandate celibacy for the Grand Army. We all know what the shinies are up to at 79’s when they are on shore leave. Rex in the 501st even told me one of his men found a long term girlfriend there."
Fox didn't blink. He stubbornly refused to break eye contact, though the blush that crept up his neck seemed to burn just a fraction more. His shoulders squared instinctively, a hard, protective instinct kicking in as he tried to save face, desperately scrambling to composure back over himself.
"My role doesn't exactly leave a lot of room for wandering around over there. Besides, when I do, you typically tag along and have never played wing-general for me," he joked, though his voice was in a defensive mumble. He cleared his throat, looking toward the far corner of the ceiling for a split second before forcing his gaze back to yours. "And frankly, if nameless encounters are as entirely mediocre as you claim they are, I don't mind waiting. I’ll wait for the right person."
His words were spoken with a stubborn conviction that made you pause. The teasing remark that had been forming on your tongue completely died away.
You stopped Fox in his tracks, your entire demeanor shifting from playful amusement to a deep, unyielding seriousness. You looked at the scars on his arms, then up to his hair. Your eyes dragged along the thin scar cutting into his hairline and down to the heavy exhaustion etched permanently under his eyes.
"The only reason it’s mediocre for a Jedi is because there is no passion allowed. There is no emotion, no vulnerability, no warmth. We purposefully drain the act of everything that makes it human so we can walk away without feeling anything."
You leaned back against the cold durasteel wall, pulling your knees up closer to your chest, your hands wrapping around your legs, "It’s admirable that you’re holding out for the right person, Fox."
You turned your head to look at him, "Consider that a luxury you have. Once the war is over, you are a man with his own heart and his own destiny, you have the right to give yourself completely to another person. You have the right to feel that emotional intimacy where two people become entirely intertwined. You have the freedom to experience love in its purest, most passionate form."
Your voice cracked slightly, "But a Jedi will never know that. The Code ensures that we are permanently barred from that kind of intimacy. The freedom to love someone and to wait for the right person and give them everything you are; that is a beautiful, precious thing. Don't dismiss it just because my version of it is hollow."
Fox sat entirely paralyzed on his side of the cot. He never heard you speak with such unshielded vulnerability. To hear you call his capacity for love a luxury, especially to hear the quiet grief in your voice, tore an invisible tear through his heart.
"Look at them," you huffed, trying to inject a bit of your humor back into the room as the Twi'lek host began explaining the romantic drama. "This is a prime example of what I'm talking about. They can swap partners by the next broadcast cycle and they won't suffer a crisis of identity. It's the perfect model of detachment."
"Alright," he mused, "Let's say I accept the logic. If there's no emotion allowed, how does a Jedi even select someone? How do you choose a person to do that with? What's the criteria?"
You let out a genuine laugh this time. "Oh, it's incredibly scientific," you joked, throwing a wide, playful grin his way. "You don't overthink it. You just go into a cantina, look around, and pick the closest, tall, handsome guy who doesn't look like a total loser, but gives off massive 'one night stand' vibes. You look at them, they look at you, you reach an unspoken agreement, and that's it. It's safe. It's predictable."
You expected him to huff, or to make another dry, sarcastic comment about civilian lack of morals.
Instead, Fox completely slipped up.
"The woman I'm attracted to - hypothetically - I'm going to be attached to," Fox hesitated, for a moment. He stared at you, "I wouldn't want the idea of her with anyone else even scratching my mind. The thought of some random lowlife, some cantina stranger even looking at her like that."
You froze, the smile completely vanishing from your face as you stared back at him. The sheer, untamed ferocity in his voice was startling. You had seen Commander Fox face down angry anti-war mobs, corrupt politicians, and syndicates without ever losing his cool, but right now, he looked entirely ready to tear the galaxy apart with his bare hands over a purely hypothetical scenario.
"And that, Fox, is exactly why we look for guys who don't think like you.” Your voice carried a gentle but firm warning, "A man who loves with that kind of intense, protective possessiveness would get entirely destroyed by a Jedi. If a Jedi took someone like you to a room for a night and then walked away the next morning without ever looking back, it would break you. That's why random civilians are the only safe option. They don't care, so we don't have to care either."
The words were meant to be an explanation and a gentle reminder of why the boundaries existed. But inside Fox’s mind, the truth was an agonizing reality.
He sat there, staring at you, realizing the absolute, bitter irony of his entire existence. He was a perfect fit for every single piece of your physical description. He was the closest man to you, he was tall, he was undeniably attracted to you, and he knew damn well he wasn't a loser. He was right here. He was the safest harbor you had in the entire galaxy.
But because he actually cared, because he harbored a deep devotion to you that went far beyond military duty, he was permanently disqualified. A random, nameless scumbag in a dirty cantina was a safer choice for you than the man who spent every single day at your side. The fact that his attachment to you was the very thing that made him toxic to your Jedi way of life made him want to scream.
"Fox?" you asked softly, leaning slightly closer across the space between you, your eyes searching his face with genuine concern, “I can feel it. You’re angry."
Fox closed his eyes. He took a slow, deep breath, "It’s not that.”
He offered you a small, sad, and entirely heartbreaking half smile, "I'm not angry. I guess it just upsets me to think that out of everyone in this miserable galaxy, the person who deserves that kind of real, passionate love the most isn't even allowed to have it. It’s a shame, that’s all."
"Thank you, Fox," you said softly. You looked at the tired, dark lines beneath his eyes, giving him a gentle look. "But you know, you deserve that kind of love just as much as anyone else in this galaxy. Probably more than most."
Fox didn't answer. He simply gave a slight, microscopic nod.
You shifted your weight on the narrow mattress, stretching your legs out across the length of the cot. Without overthinking it, you casually rested your lower legs and feet right across Fox's lap.
Fox didn't move away. He didn't tense up, either. He simply let his hands rest on your legs, his thumb tracing a slow, subconscious circle against your shin, entirely accepting the casual intimacy of the gesture. He looked down at your feet in his lap, then cut his eyes over to the holoscreen where one of the girls was currently throwing a tropical drink into a dad’s face.
"This show is absolute garbage," Fox grumbled, "If you're that desperate for a distraction that we are watching this, let’s head down to the lower levels. I’ll personally escort you to the nearest cantina and help you scan the room for a tall, handsome stranger who fits your criteria. I'll even check his security clearance for you."
You slowly lifted your right leg and playfully nudged his forearm with your foot to get his attention. You tilted your head against the wall, a dangerously amused smile breaking across your face.
"Nah," you shrugged, "I’ve got one right here I can just look at."
Fox completely froze.
The circle his thumb had been tracing against your leg stopped dead. Slowly, almost painfully, he forced his neck to turn, his head pivoting until his intense, bewildered gaze locked back onto your face.
"Right here?" Fox questioned, "Are you telling me that I physically make the cut for one of your one night stands, but I don’t make the final cut for the list because I’m me?"
He expected you to laugh. He expected you to kick his arm again and call him an idiot.
Instead, the humor entirely faded from your face.
Your expression went serious. You looked at him, your gaze holding his with an intensity that made the smirk die instantly on his lips. The playful, teasing atmosphere evaporated.
"Fox," you said just barely over a whisper, "Trust me. You never want to be on that list."
Fox blinked, his brow furrowing, "Why not?"
"Because I don't even remember those men's names," you confessed bluntly, looking dead into his eyes. There was no shame in your voice, only the cold reality of the Code you lived by. "I can't picture their faces. If I passed them in a hangar or a corridor tomorrow, I wouldn't even recognize them. When I was with them, I felt pure apathy. They were a nameless, fleeting hookup meant to be forgotten. That is all they ever were, and that is all they were ever allowed to mean to me."
You paused, leaning forward, your knees brushing against his thighs, "If I woke up tomorrow and you were gone, I would be upset for quite some time. I would miss you terribly. I would miss your humor, your complaints, and the way you always know exactly when I need to escape. I care about you."
Fox's breath caught in his throat, his chest rising as your words sliced through his last defenses.
"If I put you on that list," you explained, "it would mean I’d have to force myself to feel that apathy toward you. It would mean going into a room with you knowing that if you vanished from the galaxy the next day, I wouldn't care. And the truth is, Fox; I care far too much to ever do that to you."
He caught the beautiful, terrifying paradox immediately.
"Hold on," Fox paused, his voice dropping as he leaned in just a fraction closer, his eyes searching yours, "That kind of sounds exactly like the way you were describing what attachment is earlier."
A small, helpless, and incredibly soft smile broke across your face. You didn't look away. Instead, you looked at the man whose clothes you were wearing, whose lap your legs were resting in, and you gave him the ultimate, honest confession.
"That's why I'm sitting on the other side of your cot, Fox," you hummed.
"Well," he murmured with his familiar irony, "good to know that legendary Jedi self-restraint is actually functioning for something. I'd hate to think all that meditation was going to waste."
You let out a soft breath that was half laugh, half sigh. The casual warmth of your legs resting across his lap felt dangerously comfortable. But the sheer honesty of what you had just admitted, that you cared too much to ever reduce him to a nameless face, still lingered in the air
"If you keep looking at me like that, maybe you and I are just going to have to take a little trip to the nicer cantinas tonight. I'll help you find someone absolutely perfect for the night. Someone who is just right for you."
The reaction was instantaneous, and it wasn't the amused banter you had been angling for.
"No, no, no, no," Fox shut it down aggressively. His entire posture locked up, his hands tightening around your legs as he shook his head, "Absolutely not."
You blinked, surprised by the hostility of his rejection, "Fox, it was just a-"
"I know," he interrupted, doubling down. He leaned closer to you, his jaw set in a hard, uncompromising line, "If random, nameless encounters are as entirely bland and hollow as you say they are, then,” he paused, “I want the real thing, or I want nothing."
You stared at him, completely captivated by his romanticism. For a clone bred in a laboratory, his view on intimacy was staggering in its purity.
You tilted your head, “How do you plan on identifying a feeling that complex?"
Fox didn't answer immediately. A sudden, quiet stillness washed over his face. A very small, private smile touched the corner of his mouth. It looked so soft, it completely transformed him.
"I know," he said simply.
The words slipped out before he could catch them. He froze for a second, his eyes widening slightly as he realized exactly what he had exposed. He rushed to correct it, "I mean- I'll know. When it happens. I'll know."
But the slip had already done its work. He kept his eyes fixed on the holoscreen, his heart thudding a slow, heavy rhythm against his ribs. He had been keeping his feelings hidden for months, burying them beneath piles of datapads, late night security logs, and inventory records. The man was completely, deeply, and hopelessly in love with his General. He loved the brilliant, chaotic light you brought into his world. He loved the sound of your laughter in his quiet quarters. He loved the very fabric of your being. And keeping that truth locked away was becoming harder with every passing second.
You, however, had caught the slip, and your curiosity was instantly piqued. You pried at the sudden vulnerability, leaning closer across the gap of the cot.
"Fox.” You reached out, nudging his forearm with your foot again, demanding his attention, "Don't you dare try to 'I'll know' your way out of this."
Fox kept his head turned away, "I don’t know what you’re talking about."
"Oh, bantha shit," you laughed, "There absolutely is someone in mind. Because if there wasn't, Fox, you'd just deny it. If you know you’re in love then what are you waiting for?"
Fox let out a long, ragged sigh that seemed to drag itself from the very depths of his soul. "I don't even know what I'm waiting for," he admitted in a defeated whisper. He looked down at your legs over his lap, "Even if I tried, it won't happen."
"Hey," you said, your humor instantly softening into a gentle, optimistic pep talk. You hated the absolute defeat in his tone. You couldn't understand why a man like him would ever count himself out. "Don't talk like that. You don't know until you try, Fox. You face down impossible odds every day. Whoever she is, you just have to take the leap."
Fox huffed out a bitter, hollow half laugh,"I do know. She's the only person in the galaxy I can't have."
The words were a direct, screaming confession, but your mind remained completely blind to it. You wouldn’t even think of the idea that you were the center of his universe. You scoffed, throwing your hands up in a dismissive gesture as you rolled your eyes.
"Oh please," you exaggerated, entirely missing the mark as you rained compliments on him, "You know damn well you could get whoever you want, Fox. Look at you. You are incredible. You run the entire security of this planet without falling apart. You are handsome, you are fiercely dedicated, you are brilliant, and any woman in this galaxy would be damn lucky to have you completely devoted to them. Stop selling yourself short."
Every single word of praise tore through Fox. The compliments, meant to lift his spirits, actively hurt him. Hearing the person he loved list every single reason why he was desirable, while remaining utterly blind to the fact that his heart belonged entirely to them, was a form of torture the Republic wouldn’t dare use on even its worst prisoners.
"Do you truly believe that?" Fox asked.
“I would never lie to you. You know that."
Fox looked away. The last line of hope inside his chest completely collapsed, leaving him entirely crushed. He stared at the far corner of the room, his face hardening into a mask of pure sorrow.
"Yeah," he whispered, his voice almost cracking, "Then it really is unfortunate."
The words echoed in the small space, bouncing off the walls. You sat perfectly frozen on your side of the cot, your mind racing backward through the entire conversation at lightspeed.
I'm waiting for the right person...
The woman I'm attracted to, I'm going to be attached to...
She's the only person in the galaxy I can't have...
That's why I'm sitting on the other side of your cot…
The pieces finally clicked.
A sudden wave of realization crashed over you, leaving you entirely breathless. Your heart gave a massive, frantic thud against your ribs as your face dropped in shock. The blindness vanished in an instant, leaving truth exposed between you. It wasn't a civilian. It wasn't a senator's aide.
It was you. It had always been you.
"Fox," you softly whispered his name, the syllable barely carrying enough air to escape your lips.
He immediately locked down. Sensing the exact moment the realization hit you, his survival instincts kicked in with a vengeance. He completely shut his emotional vault, his face turning into an expressionless stone wall as he snapped his gaze upward. He stared fixedly at the ceiling, his eyes wide and unblinking as he deliberately avoided eye contact at all costs. His chest rose and fell. His breath came in strained, shallow gasps as he tried to pretend he hadn't just destroyed the only boundary he had left.
"Fox," you repeated, your voice stronger this time, filled with a sudden, fierce determination.
He didn't move. He kept staring at the ceiling as if his life depended on it.
Completely obliterating the physical boundary that had kept you safe on the other side of the cot, you crawled forward. You dragged your legs out of his lap, bending your knees as you slid across the mattress, closing the distance between your bodies until your chest was only inches from his.
You reached up, your hands entirely steady despite the frantic racing of your heart. You placed your fingers gently along the rough, scarred line of his jaw, your thumb resting against his cheekbone. The heat of his skin burned against your palms.
Gently, you guided his face down, forcing his head to turn. He still tried to look away, his eyes darting desperately toward the far wall, his teeth grinding together as he fought the pull of your hand.
You dropped your voice to a soft, incredibly intimate whisper, the sound vibrating directly against his skin.
"Hey."
The word was a command, a plea, and a promise all at once.
Fox's resistance completely broke. He finally, slowly, turned his eyes straight into yours. The depth of his devotion was entirely exposed, a quiet storm of love and terror swirling in his gaze as he looked at you from inches away, entirely at your mercy.
A breath shuddered out of him. The most fiercely guarded secret of Clone Commander Fox was laid out between you.
"You're right, Fox," you whispered, "I already failed in the attachment department. Because no matter what happens today or tomorrow, you will always mean something to me. You already do."
His hands came up, not to push you away, but to grasp your wrists where they held his face, as if your touch was the only thing tethering him to reality. His grip was tight, almost painful. Slowly, he leaned his face closer, his nose brushing against yours as his voice dropped.
"Please," Fox pleaded, "I know you forget those nights and the people you shared that with. But please, promise me you won’t forget this."
You began to breathe out, a soft, sweet response. A promise to never let him fade into the dark, but the words vanished entirely, swallowed whole as he leaned in and placed his lips on yours. There was no desperate collision. His kiss was claiming, deliberate and deep like slow, soul searching exploration that poured every ounce of his confessed devotion into you. His hands released your wrists to cradle your face, his touch tender, his thumbs tracing the arches of your cheekbones.
You melted into him, your own hands sliding up his chest, feeling the powerful, rapid beat of his heart through the soft fabric. You kissed him back with equal measure, pouring your own truth into it. It was your want, your certainty, your love, a word the Code forbade but your soul screamed nonetheless.
The kiss deepened, and grew hungrier. His tongue swept against yours, a slow, intimate dance. One of his hands slid from your face, down your neck, over your shoulder, coming to rest on your hip, his fingers pressing into the muscle there, possessive and grounding.
He broke the kiss to trail his lips along your jaw and down your neck. You tipped your head back with a soft sigh, your fingers tangling in the short, soft hair at the nape of his neck. He found the base of your throat and sucked gently, drawing a low moan from you. The sound seemed to galvanize him. His hands moved to the hem of your - his - t-shirt.
He paused, “May I?”
The uncertainty in his voice melted you.
You pressed your lips to his ear, "Of course.”
That single fragment of permission was all it took to collapse the final wall of his hesitation. Fox’s hands slid beneath the hem of the shirt, his touch sending a shiver straight up your spine as his palms dragged upward. He was incredibly gentle, yet entirely checking for any sign of hesitation as he lifted the shirt over your head and cast it away into the darkness of the small quarters.
The cool air of his quarters kissed your skin. You sat before him in just his sweatpants, and you had never felt more seen. You reached for him, pulling his own shirt up. He helped you, his muscles shifting under your palms as you pulled the shirt over his head. His chest was a map of his service. There were pale scars from shrapnel, a deeper one from an explosion, but above that was the powerful build of a man who carried himself through war.
Fox reached back out to you, wrapping his hands around your back and pulling you closer until his lips were almost brushing yours. But he paused, blinking a few times and pulling his head back.
“I- What if-” he began, but he couldn’t finish. The fear was too large. The fear of being inadequate, of being a disappointment, of giving you the most sacred thing he possessed only to have it filed away as a forgettable experience. The fear that his inexperience would mean he couldn’t give you what others had, that he’d fail you in the one moment he wanted, more than anything, to be perfect.
You rested your forehead on his, sensing his fears, “I don’t need this to be perfect. I need this to be you.”
He didn't speak. He didn't need to. The answer to his fear was in the steady, sure pressure of his hands on your shoulders, a gentle but undeniable force that guided you backwards until the mattress met your back. You went willingly, your eyes never leaving his. The world narrowed to the space between your bodies.
He followed you down, bracing himself on his forearms, caging you in. t across your chest with each breath. His gaze traced the line of it, then lifted back to your face. He leaned in, slowly, his lips finding yours in a kiss. It was deep, unhurried, and profoundly quiet. A communication more intimate than words. His tongue swept against yours, a slow, claiming dance that tasted of shared breath and absolute trust. You could feel the slight tremor in his muscles, not from fear now, but from the intensity of his focus, the sheer magnitude of the moment.
He lowered himself, the heat of his bare skin meeting yours from chest to thigh. The sensation was so profoundly right it drew a soft, shuddering sigh from you both. He buried his face in the curve of your neck for a moment, breathing you in, his lips pressed to your collarbone. Then he lifted his head, his eyes finding yours again. In their depths, you saw a universe of feeling - awe, devotion, a tender, fierce protectiveness that stole the air from your lungs.
His hand slid down your side, over the curve of your hip, his fingers hooking into the waistband of your sweatpants and the soft cotton beneath. He paused, a silent question in his raised brow. You answered by lifting your hips. He drew the garments down your legs with a reverence that was never taught on Kamino. When you were bare to him, he simply looked, his gaze a slow, worshipful journey that made you feel not exposed, but seen. Truly, completely seen.
You returned the favor, your hands going to the waistband of his own pants. He helped you, shifting his weight, and soon the last barrier was gone, kicked to the foot of the cot. The reality of him, fully aroused and achingly ready, was a potent truth between you. The sight sent a fresh, liquid rush of heat through your core.
He settled back over you, and this time, the full weight of him pressed you into the mattress. The feel of him, skin to skin, from the hard planes of his chest to his legs against yours, it was an overwhelming, perfect intimacy. He kissed you again, as he positioned himself at your entrance. The broad, blunt head of him nudged against your sensitive folds, already slick and ready for him.
He stilled, breaking the kiss to look down between your bodies, watching. His expression was one of rapt, almost painful concentration. Then his eyes, dark and blazing with emotion, lifted back to yours. He held your gaze, a silent promise passing between you. This was it. No going back.
With a slow, inexorable press of his hips, he entered you.
It was a feeling beyond description. A stretch of initial resistance that melted instantly into a consuming, perfect fullness. He filled you completely, a joining so deep it felt less like penetration and more like two separate halves fusing into one whole. A low groan escaped his throat. It sounded like a mix of profound pleasure and overwhelming emotion. You cried out softly, your nails digging into the hard muscles of his back, your legs wrapping around his waist to pull him even deeper, to take all of him.
He held there, buried into you, his entire body trembling with the effort of remaining still. His forehead dropped to yours, his breath coming in ragged, hot gusts against your lips. You could feel him, every throbbing inch of him, inside you. You could feel the frantic beat of his heart where your chests were pressed together. The connection was absolute, a circuit of sensation and emotion that left no room for thought.
Then, he began to move.
It was not a frantic pace. It was a slow, deep, rolling rhythm that seemed to originate from the very core of him. He moved with a natural, instinctive grace, his hips finding a cadence that worked perfectly. There were no words. The only sounds were the soft, wet sounds of him thrusting against you, the syncopated rhythm of your mingled breathing, the occasional, gasp or groan that was more feeling than sound.
Your eyes remained locked. In his gaze, you saw only Fox giving himself over to this experience with a trust that was humbling. You watched as pleasure consumed his face; the tightening of his jaw, the flutter of his eyelids, the parting of his lips on a silent moan. He watched you, seeing every flicker of ecstasy that his movements wrought within you, his own eyes darkening with a possessive, tender joy.
The coil of pleasure in your belly tightened, a sweet, relentless pressure. You could feel his own control beginning to fray at the edges, his rhythm gaining a subtle, urgent hitch. His thrusts became slightly harder, deeper, each one a deliberate press against that blissful, internal spot that made the galaxy burst behind your eyes.
You clenched around him and his eyes flew wide open, a sharp gasp tearing from his throat.
“Please,” he managed to let out.
It was the only word spoken.
The peak, when it arrived, did not crash over you. It rose from the depths of the profound connection and radiated outward, suffusing every limb. Your climax was a silent, shattering expansion, a feeling of pure, radiant light flooding your senses. Your muscles clamped around him in rhythmic pulses, the sensation tearing his own release from him.
He didn’t cry out. A deep, shuddering groan was wrenched from the very depths of his soul as he buried himself into you and held, pulsing inside you. His entire body locked, then convulsed in a series of powerful tremors. You felt the hot, intimate rush of his release, that triggered another, softer wave of pleasure within you.
Through it all, your foreheads remained pressed together. Your eyes, blurred with unshed tears of overwhelming feeling, stayed open, locked on his. You witnessed the exact moment of his surrender, saw the awe and the disbelief that washed over him. He saw the same in you.
For a long, timeless moment, there was only that point of contact and the emotion of a moment that was about far more than physical release.
Gradually, the tremors subsided. His breathing began to slow. He didn’t collapse. He softened, his weight settling more fully upon you, but he kept his forehead pressed to yours, his eyes still holding yours. A single tear escaped the corner of his eye, tracing a slow path through the stubble on his temple. You didn’t brush it away. It was a sacred part of this.
He had not lost his virginity through sex. He never wanted to. He wanted to by making love. And he did.
After a long moment, he shifted his weight completely off of you, rolling to the side just enough to pull you flush against his chest. He wrapped his arms around you like the whole army would be needed to try and tear you away from him.
You rested your head over his chest, your fingers mindlessly tracing scars on the edge of his shoulder. You closed your eyes, letting yourself sink into his warmth, finally understanding the truth your Master spent your lifetime trying to protect you from.
The one night stands weren’t intimacy at all. They never were. They were just the Jedi’s fabrication of what they believed intimacy should be.
This is what it was actually supposed to feel like. It was supposed to leave you breathless, but not from sex, but from the sheer magnitude of caring about someone so much it hurt.
You let out a soft sigh and pressed a gentle, lingering kiss against his chest. You spent your whole life following a Code that was designed to keep you from all of this. But lying there, wrapped in Fox’s arms, you knew there could be no darkness in this. You both were merely experiencing what love was supposed to be, with the person it was supposed to be experienced with.
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