“The traitor has been disposed of, my Lord,” Cody said evenly, holding up a lightsaber as if in support of that statement. A perfectly satisfactory report – except for the small fact that Obi-Wan Kenobi was, in fact, standing right behind Cody in clear view of the holotransmitter. Sidious wasted no time in informing the clone of this.
Cody didn’t even turn around. “We hired a stripper and gave him the traitor’s cloak when he got cold,” he said, his words so completely deadpan and unexpected that Sidious was taken aback.
“That is clearly Master Kenobi,” Sidious said, a few beats late.
“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about, my Lord,” Cody said, still just as thoroughly deadpan. “That’s our stripper, not a Jedi. Certainly not our commanding officer, who you ordered us to murder in cold blood, which we, of course, did.”
Sidious stared. A clone wouldn’t have the audacity to lie to him, nor the foolishness to do so so blatantly. So how could this one be doing just that?
Perhaps Kenobi had mind-tricked the clone into truly believing this absurdity. It was the only explanation that made sense.
“Whatever you believe, Commander, that man is a traitor and must be executed as such under Order 66.”
At this, Kenobi finally stepped forward, flashing a smile that Sidious supposed others must have found charming. “Perhaps the Chancellor would like a demonstration as proof that I am what the Commander says I am?”
“I most certainly would not!” Sidious snapped, appalled. Gathering himself together, he continued harshly, “Commander, if you refuse to carry out Order 66, you and your men will be considered traitors as well, and I will not hesitate to commit forces to hunting you all down.”
And with that, he hung up.
Cody turned from the now-dead transmitter and shook his head as he looked over at Obi-Wan.
“The Chancellor has no taste, sir. I’m sure you would’ve given an excellent performance.”
“That is not a civilian. That is Master Windu, who made an attempt on my life.”
“That’s impossible, my Lord.” Fox said. “General Windu has two hands; this man has one. This man has hair, General Windu has none.”
- The Chips Didn't Work by Peppermint_Shamrock
https://archiveofourown.org/works/25964908