Sometimes, a person who always smiles does not mean a happy person. It is hidden.
Parents are the very first person who teaches us, without them we are nothing. This is my parents, from the very beginning of my life they are already there, always ready to guide me in the right path in every journey of my life. But one day, I got sick of it, I mean I really really appreciate their support and I am very thankful for it. But their guidance makes me pressured, their expectation about my career in the future makes me overthink a lot, it makes me worry a lot and a lot of what ifs. I don’t really blame it to them, I know what they did today is just for my own sake too, but we are just a human, we are not perfect, we feel tired, we feel to have a break from all the craps in life. And that’s what I have been feeling for this last few years, I really feel the pressure and their high expectations about me and I don't know how to deal with it.
I don't blame them nor hate them, but I blame myself. Sometimes, I blame myself that the reasons why are they like that it is because from the very beginning of my school years, kindergarten, they already saw the potential on me that I will be there breadwinner. They already saw that I am very focused on my studies and that maybe think of them like that. Of course, as a child, it is an initiative that you will strive hard to at least, worthy of your parent's hardship. I hate to see them disappointed on me, I am scared that pursuing my passion will lead to disappointment to them. Although we don't really talk about this, but, I don't know, I just feel like I need to please them.
That’s why I am very proud of those people who doesn't mind to fail or somewhat fail in their academic. But after all, I still love my parents for they are the first reason why I am still striving hard. They are my weakness at the same time my strength.