Frozen - Domestic Assassin (Crack AU) Masterpost
This is a Masterpost of all the fanfiction I’d written (all on Tumblr) based in @ultranos’ Domestic Assassin crack AU which was hilarious for a fairly good-sized group of us! And from what I”ve seen in my notifications, people are still enjoying and finding fics of mine in this AU even to this day, which is great!
I’ve basically dug into my previous fanfiction pages and pulled them out year by year, so because it’ll be way too much work to try and arrange everything by title, I just went by year. At least Tumblr keeps the links when I copy and paste.
Since there are so many, you’ll find them under the cut. Enjoy!
Pre-2016
Air Mattress Prompt
An exhausted Anna returns home from a hot night with Kristoff only to accidentally make her sister fly off the air mattress when she flops down on it for a sleep.
“Am I supposed to be alarmed by the moon tonight?” prompt
Elsa is so exhausted she gets confused between the sun and moon apparently.
“Can we please stop fighting and talk about the koala in your room?”
Elsa adopted a koala, much to Anna’s exasperation.
“Can you pull this fake cobweb across the door?” Halloween prompt
Anna wants to play a prank on Elsa...
Cell Block Sniper (M - violence and strong language)
Yes. Yes. It’s a crossover. A crossover between “Cell Block Tango” song from Chicago and this AU.
“Do you realise what this means?” “That you’re a really bad shot?”
Elsa is NOT having the best of time trying to instruct a new trainee.
Domestic Assassin AU prompt: Hans’ POV (pre-reveal)
Hans has a visit from Elsa when he dumps Anna.
“Don’t touch that!” (Healthcare writing prompt, Snow Sisters)
Elsa was bound to fall out of a tree at some point and end up in hospital. Anna takes care of her.
Elsa and Weselton prompt
Elsa refuses to let Weselton in the door.
Eyes That Glisten
Anna knows how to persuade Elsa to do whatever she wants.
“God you’re such a grumpy bags in the morning aren’t you?”
Elsa is not a happy camper after a long night where everything just goes wrong. “Holy shit. Most realistic Dementor costume ever.” Halloween prompt
Turns out, Elsa just looks like that most of the time.
“I can’t help being a geek about my vital signs!” prompt (Elsarik)
A crossover between another AU (Shardsverse)
“I don’t think I should tell you what we’re dressed as.” (Halloween Prompt)
Somebody think of the children!
“I dropped my cookie :’(”
Elsa cries when she drops her cookie.
“I feel like a T-Rex”
Anna is too lazy to just grab the goddamn stepladder and get the jam herself.
“I wish I could drive you out of my life with a sword!” (Hans and Anna, prompt)
Anna is NOT a fan of Hans...
“Maybe you should go as an assassin. Oh wait, you already are one.” (Halloween prompt)
Anna is a sarcastic little sister to Elsa.
“No one unfollows like Gaston!”
Anna overhears Gaston boasting about how he unfollowed someone because of a disability. She is not happy.
Ruined Dinner Party
After an hour of waiting for her sister to come to the party, Anna finally spots her with “ketchup” all over her top.
Part 2 of “Ruined Dinner Party”
Of course it wasn’t ketchup. Duh. Anna is NOT HAPPY.
Sleepyhead (drabble, Snow Sisters)
Elsa, going to the kitchen for midnight munchies, spots Anna sprawled on a couch, textbooks all around her.
“So. Many. Triangles. Help me here!”
Anna, not being a maths-y person, gets frustrated with geometry, and Elsa offers to help.
“So you’re going as yourself for Halloween.” Halloween prompt
Elsa is not keen on dressing up as Halloween.
“Tell our parents my Tumblr URL and I swear I will make your death look like an accident” prompt.
Elsa practically threatens Anna when the latter demands to explain her Tumblr URL (of course she quickly forgives her little sis.)
“That mask is all kinds of creepy. I like it.” Halloween prompt
Elsa practically shits herself when Anna scares her while wearing a terrifying mask.
Things you said at 4am prompt
Anna gets a call at 4am on her phone from Elsa, who accidentally sniped the wrong guy..
Those Poor Birds
Elsa mistakes a pair of birds’ mating antics as fighting, much to Anna’s amusement.
“Wait, you’re yelling at a movie?” (Snow Sisters, writing prompt)
Elsa is very confused to find that Anna’s yelling from the lounge is at a movie. Not at an invader.
“Was it really necessary to shoot my pumpkin carving?” (Halloween prompt)
Anna is NOT happy when Elsa decides to use her pumpkin carving for shooting practice.
“What do you mean it’s a sunset…?” prompt
Elsa wakes up only to find that it’s already after sunset, not sunrise.
“What the hell? You gave out alcoholic chocolate to trick-or-treating kids?!” (Halloween prompt)
Anna discovers that her German chocolates had been opened by Elsa, who’d handed them out to kids.
“Where did you leave the spare copy of that book?” (Elsarik DA!verse, prompt)
Crossing over with another writer’s AU with her OC, Alarik. Elsa can’t find that one specific book she needs, and she’s sure Alarik has it.
“You once asked me what I’d do if I had only one day left.” prompt
Anna will most definitely NOT be spending that final day of her life with Hans.
“You did what?!” prompt (Elsa and Kristoff)
Elsa does not appreciate Kristoff’s concern over her having WAY too many cats for one house.
“You mean a line segment.” prompt
Elsa is a huge geometry nerd, even waiting in line for takeaways.
“You should go as an assassin. Oh wait. You already are one.” prompt
Another one where Anna suggests Elsa goes as an assassin for Halloween, only to be all “oh wait, you are one.”
2016
Accidental shooting
Elsa accidentally shoots someone she did not mean to shoot in a library’s basement.
Amuse Me
Elsa’s having one of those blah days and Anna’s there with bad puns all ready to go.
“Bittersweet and Strange” (not based on a prompt)
Elsa explains exactly how she likes her coffee to Anna. Turns out Elsa is also a huge fan of marmite.
“Can’t I at least take this baby koala home?”
Anna, no, you cannot take a koala home from Australia, no matter how cute it is.
Cat Gallery (not based on a prompt)
Kristoff discovers Elsa’s huge photo album of her cats.
“Did you lose your main point…”
Anna hears something about money and bills and wait what now.
“Do nurses ever fall asleep on the night shift?”
Anna visits Elsa in hospital and inevitably someone has to wonder this. Elsa’s adorbs when she’s pouty and Anna can’t help but annoy her on this count.
Fight Me
One sister challenges another to a fun boxing game.
“How did you get these bruises?”
A crossover with another writer’s canon OC, Alarik (”Elsarik”) where he asks how she got some bruises while on the job.
“How many cats are in bed with you?”
Anna marvels that there are nine cats in bed with Elsa.
“I don’t think you’re supposed to have the whole packet at once.”
Do not eat a whole bag of coffee. Do not.
I Have Found My People (not based on a prompt)
Elsa has discovered that certain Scandinavian countries drink the most coffee in the world and wants to migrate there right now.
“I know you don’t want this but it’s for your own good…”
Kristoff is rightly concerned when he finds that Elsa had thirty cups of coffee in 48 hours. Do not do this at home.
“I, uh, kinda dropped it in the water.”
Elsa calls Anna to tell her there’s an emergency: she dropped her wallet in the sea and all the fish now have her personal information.
“I want a Venusian day…”
Elsa tries to explain to Anna why she would not want to live on Venus. Anna doesn’t give a fuck. More hours in the day what’s not to love about that?
Of Cat’s Paws and Adopting Stellar Systems (not based on a prompt)
Elsa is enthralled by a photo of the Cat’s Paw Nebula she has found on the laptop.
Of Monkeying Around and Going Ape (not based on a prompt)
Anna comes home to discover that Elsa has adopted a monkey that had been neglected by its owner. Even Anna is almost (I said, ALMOST) tempted to keep the monkey but her common sense reigns.
“Oh so you were in my bed this whole time?” (nsfw)
Dontcha hate when you’re in the middle of coitus and your goddamn cat has to interrupt you? (Elsarik, with another Frozen writer’s (@patricia-von-arandel) OC for Elsa)
“Once we start tickling, we can’t stop!” (nsfw)
Another steamy one with an old abandoned OC of mine (Jannike), where they find themselves having a quickie while the boss is away.
Rubbish Day (not based on a prompt)
Anna is horrified to find a rubbish bag gone and trails of what suspiciously looks like blood leading outside. Turns out some meat thrown in there leaked inside.
“The best way to get rid of your ex…”
Anna didn’t think that Hans Westerguard would ever end up on Elsa’s targets to “take care of”. Until he does.
The One Time Elsa Caught Anna “Studying” (not based on a prompt)
Anna uses the mirror in the bathroom to practice distinguishing teeth for a medical exam. Elsa suggests alternatives.
“What is this owl doing in our bathroom?”
Of course Elsa would adopt an owl and want to keep it in the bathroom. Of course.
“Who dances in the rain anyway?”
Elsa comes home to discover Anna dancing in the rain.
“Why is there an otter in our kitchen?”
Anna comes home to find that Elsa has “adopted” an otter from a “client”. As you do.
“Why would you wish to be at a backpackers?”
Elsa and Alarik (Shards AU, Elsarik) decide to stay at a backpackers together for some private time.
“Yes, yes the cold doesn’t bother you…”
Anna is not impressed with Elsa standing in the snow when she has a major cold.
2017
The Blood of White Men (not based on a prompt)
As Elsa’s favourite song goes, he had it comin’ all along.
Is the Earth Broken? (not based on a prompt)
Elsa is confused about why the day she thought it was today...actually isn’t. She convinces herself the Earth has somehow broked.
“It won’t be high tide you said…”
Elsa needs to learn that reading yesterday’s newspaper’s high tide times is not helpful.
Kittens on Saturn (not based on a prompt)
Elsa hopes there’s actual giant kittens on Saturn after seeing a graphic manipulation on an astronomy news site.
Of Singing Humpback Whales and Rock Trolls
Kristoff visits Elsa in hospital while Anna’s busy with other things. It...does not go as expected. Poor Kristoff.
“Proboscis Monkeys look ridiculous…”
Anna’s exasperation at Elsa rescuing a Proboscis monkey is still not so great that she can’t help but wonder what would happen if you honked their nose. Anna NO.
“She’s going to kill you.”
Kristoff knows his days are numbered when he spills carrot juice all over Elsa’s brand new rifle. Uh oh.
“There’s a perfectly good reason for all these kittens.”
Turns out Elsa decided to adopt some kittens left on the side of the road when they’re already over-run with cats.
“This is extreme, even for you.”
Elsa is so addicted to her coffee she’s begun pouring them into wine bottles, as you do.
2018
Elsa brings home a parrot
Anna discovers that Elsa has “rescued” a very large, very loud parrot from one of her, ahem, “clients”.
Elsa’s Back Up Cat, Mushu
Anna discovers one of the cats apparently reading a book, and much to her consternation, Elsa explains he’s for back up.
“Oh what a circus!” photo prompt
Anna takes her still-bewildered-after-five-coffees sister to the circus. This may or may not turn out to be a great idea.