His first reaction was full on laughter hearing his name, then he shook his head in protest. “No, no way.” It was all a JOKE to him, but from the stares of those around him he soon realized he didn’t really have a choice in the matter, and with someone pushing him towards the scene he let out a groan before heading there. “PLEASE don’t slap me,” he almost flinched when the announcer moved, the sight of the LAST wheel event right before his eyes—it seemed extremely painful and not something Felix was curious enough to try. Ever, really.
After the announcer rolled his eyes at the tall grown man fidgeting, Felix finally reached out, took a breath, and spun the cursed wheel.
TASK: get ordained, perform a wedding ceremony at town hall; otherwise, ten hours locked inside the haunted house.
“Oh, you HAVE to be kidding me.” He wasn’t a huge fan of weddings, save for his own, but being locked up in a house filled with spirits? No, thank you. “UGH, fine, w h a t e v e r.” He refrained from searching for his wife, from letting his eyes roam the crowd, but he knew she must have been having quite the ball seeing him in a position like that. Another couple of sighs, and Felix hopped off the ramp, without a rush dragging himself towards the hall.
Getting ordained was the EASY and quick, painless part. Painless. More like quickly ripping off a band aid, or plucking out a weird hair from one’s groin. The actual HARD part was only yet to begin, and as many of the same crowd began to gather, they could hear his groans and yells and ‘I’m not going to quote your fucking bible, Barbara’, and a lot of ‘NEXT!’, along with ‘What the fuck are you wearing? No, no, absolutely-FUCKING-not’, because if Felix was going to actually marry someone, it was someone who he didn’t absolutely despise. He must have looked like Gordon Ramsay of marriage, but annoyed to the very core he didn’t even stop to care. He wished he had spun out the bees, or even that slap he didn’t want at the beginning—he even considered the other option, but pulled himself together and walked out to his scene.
“Dear BELOVED... and blah, blah, blah—” a sigh, and he glared BACK at the groom, “No offense, but the last time someone looked at me like that, I got laid.” Felix paused, deep inhale and exhale—and stopped, looking around. “Where’s the wine? —OH, thanks.” He took the golden goblet with “Christ’s blood” or whatever they called it these days, and downed it in one go. Filled it up again, downed it. “Where are the rings?” He asked the man on his side in a whisper, and with his shrug, he just about lost it. “You had to have the fucking rings, Paul! ..God, this is going terribly.” He looked around, searching for a substitute for lost jewelry, a few sparkling little nothings in the bride’s hair catching his eye. Without asking he took them out, bent them here and there a little bit, murmuring cusses under his breath before aggressively rolling his eyes at Paul. Fuck Paul.
He raised his eyes to the crowd, for once, and a breath got stuck in his mouth. Felix licked his lips, took a second before continuing, shaking his head softly. “I don’t know the words,” he admitted, the previous anger melting out into thin air, disappearing without a trace. If there was any, he suppressed it and directed it towards himself rather than people before him. It took only one glance at his wife’s face—catching it unexpectedly, without searching for it—and the charcoal hot needle peeled into his heart. “But honestly, you don’t need that,” he looked down at the makeshift rings in his hands, “Or rings, or fancy clothing—flowers, or even all of this,” spoke he, as he gestured vaguely towards the people watching. “What you need is EACH OTHER, and now you have that.” At the end his voice went a little quieter, Felix could feel his throat clogging up with his own emotions, and he handed the ‘rings’ to the pair.
“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife.”
And soon after his task was officially DONE, before the newlyweds could even turn around to say a word to him, Felix was gone from the hall without a trace.