#fucknotony

[fucknotony]

I hate days when I wake up and fail.

Mom

[fucknotony]

As soon as you get to Alabama...

[fucknotony]

I just let the ants walk all over me while I’m cooking...

I ain’t even tryin’ to givez a shit anymore.

[fucknotony]

I'M the commander of MY family; NOBODY gets to hit my kids except ME!!

My Mom to the school principal

[fucknotony]

Eatin'...

Me: "DAMN; we ain't got SHIT to eat. People in PRISON got more to eat than we do!"

Mom: "YEAH! AND I'M FAT, TOO!!"

[fucknotony]

Conversation...

Me: "Wow! That bitch just threw up!"

Mom: "..."

Me: "...I don't remember the last time I threw up."

Mom: *shrug

Me: "...oh yeah! That's right; that time the dog bit my cigar in half, and I was like 'WHAT DID YOU DO?!', but then I glued it back together, taped it up, and smoked it right there..."

Mom: "???"

Me: "THREW UP ALL OVER EVERYWHEREZ! DIARRHEA'D OUT OF MY MOUTH AND ASS AT THE SAME TIME! That was quite a while ago... It was ass-tastical!"

Mom: "!!!"

Me: "..."

Mom: "..."

Me: "...SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU DONE MADE YOUR MISTAKES DURING YOUR WHATEVER, TOO!!"

[fucknotony]

I Puts Salt On My Brownies...

Because I’m an asshole.

[fucknotony]

I KEEP RUBBING MYSELF AND NOT GETTING THE ORGASM!!

My Mom, about doing all the work and not getting any results