Guys, shit's getting real with my parents...
Well yesterday there was the follow-up meeting. And far from being placid, a lot more things came out. I wasn't shouted at, but I was put in a very impossible situation regarding Christianity. Background: I professed faith when I was 14, in the last few years that's been up in the air, I don't go to church anymore (but parents don't know that) and yeah I don't know where I am, but they still believe me to be a bible-believing, fundamentalist christian like them. That's the context.
So, it didn't go well. My parents said that they are "Concerned for my spiritual health" A stock phrase for lifestyle disagreement, but they are genuinely concerned, from a "We're worried your perversion will lead you to hell" kind of perspective.
We were talking things out, my anxiety was not helping, being in a room with three people who were against me, I was feeling... just... awful and things but I can remember what was said. The argument was one of the most off-the-wall forms of mental trickery. I was brought up in a fundamental household, I know how to argue apologetics but this completely threw me: The counselor said, that as Christians we take the bible as God's word, literally the words given to humans, in Hebrew. And in the bible the word "daughter" is referred to mean "female offspring of a man and woman" which I specifically am. Though I do not want to be called that, because I am not a woman. Though the argument was, that because I fit this description, I must accept being referred to as daughter, despite what this means. So I asked if he was separating the idea of 'daughter' and 'woman' and therefore that I should accept being called daughter even in the face of my contradictory gender identity. And he said no, that he wasn't separating the terms. Basically putting me in the impossible position of either agreeing that is what the word literally means, and that word is perfect and 'From God' and therefore I must be a woman, or else I don't believe in the authority of the bible or the gospel at all. (My actual beliefs are at a side here, because my parents just would NOT take that. Also note how this argument has NOTHING to do with the message of Jesus!? Funny that.)
Given that they were speaking on very literal terms here, I asked, if the female offspring is a daughter, and the male offspring is a son, what then is a Eunuch? Silence. Then "Oh they're still a son, their status just changes." I asked if any eunuch is ever referred to as a son in the bible, given how literal they were being about daughter... pause for thought; "...But that's only a status, it's not the relational aspect between parent and child." So, I can't win. The entire validity of my gender identity and my faith has been boiled down to my acceptance of one word.
I can't tell them I don't believe the bible is the literal word of God without causing WAY more of a shitstorm than already exists.
They're not going to come around here. My Dad at least had sympathy for the stressful position I was being put in, but he still thinks I'm going down some un-biblical/sinful/worldly path.
To make things worse I came home tonight to find two print-outs Dad had left on my desk, regarding biblical infallibility and authority, as a not-so-subtle-hint that I should read them and either concede defeat and my lack of gender, or basically reject God. Everything from them in that realm is an attack now.
I am close to my parents. The only problem here is the fucking bible. At this rate it will single-handedly drive us apart. I'm lacking any other options than telling them "Look this is what I am, accept or reject me, I'm not changing." Which will be interpreted as me 'putting up walls' and not 'meeting them halfway' (actualquotes) and therefore, I'll be the bad guy.
