#funny quotes

[toruandmidori]

[becherdireinen]

what a privilege it is to come home to a little animal that loves you like you're their whole world.

[blackbluecherryblossom]

i’m tired. but not just “didn’t sleep” tired. soul tired. bone tired. like my body keeps going but nothing inside knows why.

[puppetmaster13u]

Bruce, new to parenting: How long does your ideal hug last?

Dick: 30 to 40 minutes.

Bruce, already carrying him: That's a bit impractical-

Dick: You said ideal, not realistic

[shiversdownmyspiine]

[cuando-fingi-quererte]

¿ jugamos?

[iheartvmt]

*My assistant and I are carrying a 90lb dog in a body bag back to the mortuary freezer*

Assistant: WHY is he so HEAVY

Me: I feel like we're lugging a dead person rolled up in a carpet

Assistant: Yeah, that's exactly what this feels like!

*beat*

Wait! No, no I don't know what that feels like, I swear!