Howdy! Name's Noodle!
Pronouns He / They / It / 🔰
Yes same Noodle that runs the Janus ask blog @twofacedsssssnake hiiiii
Inspired by the sudden appearance of several daily sides blogs
( @dailyromansanders @weeklyremussanders @dailyjanussanders @dailyvirgilsanders sorry for the tag lol hiiiii )
I thought I'd join in on the fun. I do daily doodles anyway so why not doodle the braincell !
Posts will be queued, which means some asks may not appear for a while, and most will be traditional art! Asks are encouraged!
Please do not tag my art with discourse tags of any kind, especially if they are unrelated to sanders sides, thank you very much.
Tags list below cut
art.post : Any art done by me will be here!
poll.post : polls
chat.post : sides chat
ask.post : Asks!
lyrics.art : Art with lyrics attached, usually from the song that
inspired the piece!
update.txt : updates about mod
fave.txt : Favorites
(side).txt : Named side talks in that post
fusion.post : A fusion of 2 or more sides is featured. more info below
all.sides.post : posts featuring all sides
reblog.txt : reblogs
others.art : reblogging others art
art.digital : digital art
hero.forge : stuff I made in Heroforge!
specific fuisions are tagged as ###_###.fuse. So far, the fusions that have appeared on this blog are as follows (will edit list when art is queued, not when it is posted):
vir_pat.fuse : Virgil and Patton. Role: depression. Name: unnamed
its been so long since my body didnt hurt all the time that i barely remember what it was like
i cant bend or stretch in certain directions because i know that it'll make my back hurt. i have to wear particular shoes and rest my feet frequently or my legs and feet hurt. i cant sit on my knees because my knees just cannot handle having weight on them without a cushion under them.
sitting at work being reminded the baseline level of pain is no pain because i caught myself wondering how my coworkers walk around when their feet hurt this much. they dont - their feet dont hurt.
the urge to bang my head against the wall, or cut myself, or bite my fingers until they bleed is overwhelming. i try so hard to resist. i usually even manage not to hurt myself at all.
yay me.
but sometimes, like right now, it's so fucking strong. i want to hurt physically instead. i want to be hurt, i fucking DESERVE it. but that's the fucking devil talking so i keep fucking trying to be nice to myself.
sometimes it even works.
sometimes i eventually just have to physically smack myself in the fucking face just so that the urge to hurt myself will subside a little.
im so tired of being a goddamned wreck all the time.
there's two parts of me at each others' throats lately
the part that always wants to be there for everyone, yelling that my friends deserve the world and i need to treat them better, that they dont owe me for the effort i've put into the relationship already
and the part that's tired of being tired, being needed, hissing that no they dont owe me but they should be grateful that im even around them and even trying when i barely have the strength to get out of bed
and the worst part is not knowing ig either one of them is even right
im always the one people run to despite my own problems, and for years i've opened myself up to it over and over and let them come to me for everything they need because i feel like i have to be helpful and useful or else i have no reason to be around and im an awful friend
but the thing is that i have my own problems. a lot of them actually
and i work myself to the bone worrying about everyone else, until i cant take anymore and i break down from the pressure of my own problems as well as everyone else's problems
and because im the therapist friend, the designated one in the friend group who is Strong and Can Take It, there's usually not anybody there to catch me when i tumble over the edge
and i know its bad for me, and that i need to stop. i need to step back and set boundaries for what i can handle and when i can handle it and how often i can help/what levels of help i can offer and when
just boundaries in general
but i really REALLY suck at setting boundaries
and im even worse about sticking to them
so i just keep spiraling and promising myself i'll set boundaries when im calmed down and i keep not doing it because my friends need me
im in literal constant physical pain, and im rarely doing any better mentally than i am physically, but far be it from me to establish that im not as strong as i used to be and im okay with that, and that i need everyone to back off just a little
far be it from me to take away the only place where some of them can sling as much vitriol as they want without judgement and without worry i'll take them lashing out personally, because i know theyre upset and that theyre only doing it because they know its safe to be as upset as they want around me without it damaging our relationship
