i have this issue with being the therapist friend
im always the one people run to despite my own problems, and for years i've opened myself up to it over and over and let them come to me for everything they need because i feel like i have to be helpful and useful or else i have no reason to be around and im an awful friend
but the thing is that i have my own problems. a lot of them actually
and i work myself to the bone worrying about everyone else, until i cant take anymore and i break down from the pressure of my own problems as well as everyone else's problems
and because im the therapist friend, the designated one in the friend group who is Strong and Can Take It, there's usually not anybody there to catch me when i tumble over the edge
and i know its bad for me, and that i need to stop. i need to step back and set boundaries for what i can handle and when i can handle it and how often i can help/what levels of help i can offer and when
just boundaries in general
but i really REALLY suck at setting boundaries
and im even worse about sticking to them
so i just keep spiraling and promising myself i'll set boundaries when im calmed down and i keep not doing it because my friends need me
im in literal constant physical pain, and im rarely doing any better mentally than i am physically, but far be it from me to establish that im not as strong as i used to be and im okay with that, and that i need everyone to back off just a little
far be it from me to take away the only place where some of them can sling as much vitriol as they want without judgement and without worry i'll take them lashing out personally, because i know theyre upset and that theyre only doing it because they know its safe to be as upset as they want around me without it damaging our relationship
