I’m Going to Write for a Living
A while ago I wrote a post called “If I had to write for a living”. I wrote it after reading Po Bronson’s book “What Should I Do with My Life?”, which was a collection of personal anecdotes regarding people who often started out in one field or with one goal in mind but were forced to adapt to changing circumstances and adopt another. The book follows the lives of a monk, of business people of varying professions, of lawyers, people in medicine, and even a woman who devoted her life to social work in a nonprofit. There are even more professions represented than the ones I just listed. Through personal stories the book demonstrates that there is often not just one “right” career path or one way to move through the world.
Now, I am convinced that I want to move through the world as a writer. Truthfully, I have always known this- it’s always been that one thing that I could do and do well. I wanted to expand beyond that, so I decided to pursue the Associate in music. I learned that I do not want to be a musician. Now, I am tempted to expand on one of my other interests: psychology. As a person with a mental illness, understanding the mind is very important to me. It is an area of study that I could see myself doing well in, and jobs in the mental health field are abundant. However, if I am being honest with myself, I can see that it would be yet another divergence from my main passion. Maybe I’ll change my mind one day, but for now, I think I’ll keep my study of psychology informal.
Honestly, I think I have always had this secret fear about officially going after writing as a career. I was afraid that I would burn out, try very hard and fail, or both. I know that when money was tight I tried to secure some writing gigs on Upwork, but I wasn’t successful. I knew that I needed to have some work experience to present so that I could stand out from everyone else, so I didn’t too much take the failure to heart. I would be lying, however, if I didn’t say that it made me a little bit uneasy. The encouraging thing is that I don’t just love one specific type of writing, I love it all. It doesn’t matter if it’s editing, writing synopses, publishing, writing poetry, writing reviews or frankly even writing on a soup can, sign me up. That was something that I couldn’t say when I was pursuing music. I didn’t see myself being immersed in all aspects of it. I wasn’t networking. I wasn’t putting myself out there. I was just doing what I could to graduate because I was too deep in to quit.
I am not sure if burning out is a real possibility for me or not, but I can’t be afraid to pursue this. This is something that I must face. Now that I am taking steps towards finding colleges to study English at, everything has become more tangible. The reality of the decision I am making has become so apparent to me. Even if I think being unable to succeed in this would crush me, I can’t not try. Even if it all fails, I must remind myself that I still have this. I can still write, even if it doesn’t work out as a career. Just like the people in Po Bronson’s book, I can reinvent myself and try something else. This wouldn’t be the end for me.
It’s tempting to see decisions as only black and white, right and wrong. There is more nuance than that. We all make mistakes, but often things we thought of as mistakes were merely lessons. I am learning how to trust my judgment and pursue the things that I think are best for me. I am not beholden to one path and one path alone. There are always options. There is always another choice. For now, I choose writing.
