- generation kill: big brother edition -
- [ LEANDRO BAPTISTA ]
*stares in portuguese*
he angry rants at you all the time in portuguese and like... FOR WHAT????
but it’s fine tho you can just make jokes to him because he shit himself
watches your mom beat you up for something HE DID
he’s the type of person to ask you to do something he was asked to do
always says “yeah, I’m an only child”
like bitch if you don’t-
even if there’s no one else in the car besides you two, he’s still never letting you ride shotgun
he’s nice to you like MAYBEEE 4 times a year max
and every single time he’s nice (which is obviously rare), you look at him like he’s an imposter
seriously is he ok he’s never like that
the only time you guys vibe is in the car when no one else is watching and you’re blaring music and screaming the lyrics
- [ DOC BRYAN ]
ahh yes, caring but make it AGGRESSIVE
dotes on you hand and foot when you’re sick but does it in like a mean way??? he’s like “omfg imagine getting sick you have such a weak immune system i could NEVER”
doesn’t know how to mind his own business when it comes to your personal life
he heard a rumor about you at school? he’s beating up the person who started the rumor. your s/o cheated on you? where’s his baseball bat cuz he’s going in SWINGING-
he’s acts real tough but he’s just a big softie.... he even makes you hot chocolate when you’re cold
don’t get me wrong tho, he’s an ASSHOLE
like some days you’re just feeling down and he doesn’t pick up on it
so he’ll just poke fun at your insecurities and you’ll break down
he always feels bad after and tells you that you can hit him
just bring up that he makes you cry if you want something because then he’ll immediately give it to you
he’s not sharing his food i’m sorry you’re just gonna have to get your own
he always yells at you and accuses you of stealing stuff he can’t find, and then he’ll find it somewhere like 10 minutes later
- [ JAMES CHAFFIN ]
gross... just gross...that’s all i can describe his room as
you don’t borrow stuff from him or even go in his room because it’s just so nasty (like is this a really old sweaty sock or a fermented cum rag....sis we don’t know)
he always loses fights.... i refuse to believe that he’d win a fight with a baddie like you
i feel like this is just an awkward familial relationship because you’re either annoyed with him, embarrassed, or you just wanna fight him
he leaves his stuff EVERYWHERE
i SWEAR this man has literally no idea what drawers are
you probably find shit that you don’t wanna see too because he doesn’t understand cleanliness
you either vibe or you hate each other
there’s no in-between i’m sorry
gets fast food but doesn’t get you any
if you share a bathroom... i’m so sorry
because jesus this man does not know how to aim
- [ JOHN CHRISTESON ]
innocent duo
you guys rewatch the lion king like every week and he always cries when Mufasa dies
finishes the verses when you start singing
takes up the entire couch with his lanky ass and then has the audacity to not make room for you
tried to make you a birthday cake once... it didn’t go well to say the least
yes, he’s wholesome, but he’s also a little shit
if you ask him to do a simple task, he’ll literally just act deaf and like you’re not there
you’re the one helping him with his homework... we love a man that’s absolute trash at math
does girls night with you and actually knows how to properly paint toenails now
original, he wouldn’t be careful enough with the nail brush and the nail polish would go all over your foot
plus, he got it on the floor, which got him an ass beating from your mom
overall, 9/10 hella chill
- [ BRAD COLBERT ]
DID YOU SAY ANOTHER PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE CAREGIVER???
he’s nicer than Doc though and he can read your emotions better
sits on the couch with you when you get dumped or lose a friend... he provides the mandatory ice cream bucket and shoulder to cry on
tries to one-up you all the time
your teachers constantly talk about him to you because he was actually a good student and you have a lot to live up to
you two get along pretty well, he does almost nothing to annoy you
you get on his nerves a lot though, especially if you’re a slob
also don’t take his stuff, that’s a one way ticket to a headlock
ACTUALLY SHUTS THE DOOR BEHIND HIM WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT-
organizes your room when he gets bored... you can’t find anything when you come home
constantly complains about being the older sibling and that he’s too old to hang out with you, but still watches Disney movies???
one of the best comforting and caring brothers (don’t let his nickname fool you)
- [ POKE ESPERA ]
will NOT watch Disney movies with you because “that’s some white people bullshit”
protective older brother mode is very much on 24/7
if ray so much as breathes in your direction, it’s on sight for him... you better not get a boyfriend because that man is gonna have a rough time
yet another aggressive caretaker... like yeah, he makes you soup when you’re sick, but he also nags you into the next century
nags you all the time to take better care of yourself... he acts like a 3rd parent sometimes it’s lowkey irritating
he’s always there for you, he knows ALL the drama about your friends and foes
makes you breakfast on saturday mornings while you make him coffee
you guys get along pretty well, you’re pretty much everyone’s sibling goals
however, he oversteps his boundaries sometimes as an older brother and gets a little too controlling, and that’s when you guys fight
he means well, and you know he has your best interests in mind, but he doesn’t understand that you’re not a little kid anymore and that you can take care of yourself
no matter how many times you tell him off, he’ll never listen because you’re both stubborn af
neither of you actually apologize, it’s more like a “hey, do you want to watch this movie with me?” type of apology
- [ NATE FICK ]
Nate is literally the golden child of the family, so you’ve got a lot to live up to
he’s such a cranky bitch if something isn’t going his way at work, school, or in the corps, so expect him to be rude for no reason sometimes
Nate gets screwed over by a lot of girls because he tries to see the good in everyone, so you’re the one that’s gonna have to beat up people in the name of your sibling’s honor
steals all of your pens & mechanical pencils because he always forgets that he already has one (come on we all saw the amount of pens he had in his jacket)
he’s actually very good at teaching, so go to him if you need help with homework
you guys have that relationship where one sibling could just come into the other sibling’s room and sit on their bed for like an hour and the other sibling would just be like “vibes”
does not understand memes, do not try and explain them to him
actually, just don’t show him them in general, he’s not gonna get it (he’s an old man in a young body)
the amount of sarcasm in this relationship THE DINNER TABLE CANNOT HANDLE IT
scolds you a lot or just gives you “the look” whenever you tell him about something you regret doing
he never tells your parents though
he’s pretty chill with you being an affectionate sibling (if you are) BUT NOT IN PUBLIC THAT IS A NO NO
- [ GABE GARZA ]
the amount of times you’ve had to pretend to be his girlfriend by holding his hand in public because some gay man is hitting on him is UNREAL
you tease him about it all the time and he just rolls his eyes
flicks your forehead as a greeting, it is not fun
you guys traded halloween candy all the time as kids, and you still do it now with other food
the type of sibling to lie to you about a board game’s rules just so he can win
he is petty as hell, especially when you’re arguing
i hate to say it, but he can be dumb as hell, so you always win those arguments (which is why he’s petty)
you guys are the stupid & chaotic sibling duo
you two spend most of your time trying to piss the other one off, but somehow you always have each other’s back
he will bully you in public, but no one else is allowed to talk shit about you
eats all your food, so rip your leftovers
- [ WALT HASSER ]
WHOLESOME
wrestles with you regardless of gender... no one is safe from his headlocks
feels really bad if you get hurt when you guys roughhouse.. seriously, the man apologizes every minute and follows you around like a kicked puppy for a week
controls the radio even though he’s in the driver’s seat, so you’ve become immune to annoying country songs and know every word to each Johnny Cash song now
the family dog likes him more I’m sorry
actually isn’t embarrassed to be seen in public with you
he’s the type of brother that would be your bestfriend, whether you like it or not he’s there for you
doesn’t snitch to your parents, especially when he knows it’s something important
he doesn’t really like to share food with you, but he does occasionally
definitely the type of brother to give you the computer early when your mom asks him to
teaches you how to play video games instead of telling you no
actually knows what to get you on your birthday because he pays attention to your interests
- [ MANIMAL JACKS ]
yes, another version of Chaffin
but like, nicer
his room is also just a clusterfuck, so you guys hang out in your room
touches everything you own for no reason, but trust me, you wouldn’t want to do the same
you guys watch South Park together in the mornings in complete silence, and ngl it’s kinda a vibe
rubs your head all the time for absolutely no reason
talks shit about your aunts and uncles with you
hides behind corners to scare you
it’s not funny
fights you for the last sandwich in the fridge
loses because we fight dirty in this house
takes up the entire seat during the road trip, to the point where you’re squashed against the side of the window
- [ JASON LILLEY ]
wholesome but isn’t even aware he’s a wholesome sibling
carries you to your room and tucks you in when he realizes you’ve fallen asleep on the couch studying
99.9% of both of your vocabularies just consist of the word “bruh” & “brah”
greets you with a loud as hell “good morning bitch!” all up in your face
he plays music wayyyy too loud at super inappropriate times
goes through all of your stuff, even when you’re in the room
like he doesn’t run down the hallway back to his own room when he hears your footsteps, he just keeps rummaging
lets you try out new hairstyles on him when he has longer hair
helps you control the younger cousins when you’re both forced to go to a family gathering
you guys are never allowed to sit at the big kid table on thanksgiving because you guys always throw food at each other
every. single. year.
c’mon now grandma worked hard to make that stuffing
- [ PAPPY PATRICK ]
pulls your hair TO THIS DAY
shares his snacks with you while at the movies
always in the bathroom... he leaves shaving cream all over the counter and there’s hair everywhere when he’s done
you two have a look that you give each other that’s just like “fuck this shit i’m out”
rides shotgun and will not let you sit there, even if you call it first
everyone swears you two have telepathy
he has... so many cringeworthy photos of you
but he will not use them because he knows you will murder him
gives you hand-me downs but like in a super weird way
he basically just walks into your room, throws the shirt at your face, and then just leaves
he is the reason for all of your phobias
he will use them against you don’t test him
- [ RAY PERSON ]
oh this fucker... he’s the best but he’s the WORST
he will literally die if you grow taller than him
if you’re taller than him, you call him angry elf man... if you’re not, he’s never gonna let it go
you basically have 2 older brothers because duh Brad
legend has it he hasn’t stopped giving you wet willies to this day
he is so NASTY!!! his room is full of old clothes, rotting food in dirty dishes, cigarettes, empty dip cans, etc.
honestly he acts more like a younger brother than an older brother
helps you study but makes fun of you for not understanding certain concepts
if you need something fixed, just give it to him
no matter how bad you fucked it up, he somehow always manages to fix it
watches weird documentaries with you but mocks the narrators and won’t stop talking during it
wakes you up at 4 am for random fast food adventures
- [ RUDY REYES ]
MAKES YOU SO MUCH TEA WHEN YOU’RE SICK
you’re practically peeing every 3 seconds because of it
forces you to do yoga with him and go on morning runs because he wants you to be healthy and live a long life
hugs you all. the. time.
but you’re used to it at this point and it’s very wholesome
used to throw dirt at you when you were both younger
he still apologizes for it and you milk it to this DAY
very doting!!! not gonna lie, he’s super caring
he’ll bring you water if you ask for it, make you food, bring you more toilet paper, etc.
you are the test subject for all his new recipes and lattes
does face masks with you
if you don’t like coffee... he might want to disown you
- [ Q-TIP STAFFORD ]
you like him but you don’t like him... but you can’t bring yourself to hate him
plays loud 90s rap music at literally 7 am
you’re ready to fight him at that point
pretends to get mad at you because you’re the only one that calls him Evan (it’s his fucking name for christ’s sake-)
you’re mad at him cuz he ate your food??? steal his durag while he’s showering AND HIDE THAT SHIT
you guys are always fighting but make up with no hard feelings
he shoots you in the forehead with nerf guns when you try to study
stays up super late on the phone & you can hear his conversations through the walls
he kills bugs for you which i guess makes up for it
he waves the dead bug in front of your face though
pretty chill ngl, he’s introduced you to some of your favorite songs and franchises
he’s also super supportive, even when your parents aren’t
- [ JAMES TROMBLEY ]
another person you should never go into the room of
whenever he brings over his girlfriends, you always look them dead in the eye and say, “you’re too good for him”
he’s lowkey livid about it but he won’t fight you until your parents go to bed and his girlfriend is gone
literally annihilates you when he slaps you on the back
like you got a handprint and everything
it’s fine though because you do the same to him
if you want him to do something, just tell him mom told him to do it
you’ve done it for years and he’s still never figured it out
calls you dork.... like that’s not even insulting???
people say you look alike sometimes and you’re both like “are you calling me ugly?”
when he’s nice to you, you’re super confused and kinda scared
he literally always ends up having whatever you spent all day looking for and it drives you MAD
- [ EVAN WRIGHT ]
makes you read ALL of his writing
and i mean all, even the p*rn reviews
just give him the validation... his writing is pretty good though
you will never win arguments, especially because he has such a large vocabulary... you’re going to get verbally abused
he is... so scared of you when you’re mad??? even when you’re not mad at him
like he actively avoids you (probably because he doesn’t want to fight with you)
if you see him just minding his own business, not doing anything wrong, there’s only one thing that comes to your mind
hit that bitch
covers the TV box when you try to change the channel
blame him for the dishes... do it
your version of hanging out together is sitting in the same room in complete silence
your mom does NOT understand it but it’s just how you guys are
- [ MIKE WYNN ]
gives you advice all the time, but it’s actually helpful
eats anything and everything and your food is NOT an exception
gets you stuff when you can’t reach it
honestly, when your parents are disappointed in you it hurts, but when he’s disappointed in you??? it hurts more
he’s usually pretty proud of you though
brags about all of your achievements when someone asks about you
he’s like “ya, i have the best sibling... what about it?”
super chill, will literally hang out with you no matter what you want to do
he’s still a dick sometimes though
slaps you upside the head for absolutely no reason & then just acts like he didn’t do it
rude as hell to your friends
bothers you about things you told him you don’t have... like he just doesn’t believe you
YA BITCH I’M COMMITTED!!!! I WASTE MY TIME DOING THINGS NO ONE WANTS TO READ INSTEAD OF FINISHING REQUESTS.... AND WHAT ABOUT IT??? just joking, i hope you actually like this tho because I’m lowkey proud of it 🥺👉👈
- ky