#gamorning!

[spritely-elf]

barty was always a bit mad, but evan always balanced him out, it’s how they were, why they were so perfect for each other. and that’s not to say evan wasn’t mad, he was, but in a quieter, softer way. in bones and feathers and beads while barty was teetering on edges and broken bottles and ripping at his hair. they were different, but oh so perfect together. and barty was always terrified of going mad, but that’s what kept him from insanity— evan. and barty didn’t always know if he was all the way there and if it was all real, but evan— evan with his soft voice and long fingers always brought barty back. made sure he knew it was all real. and that’s why it hurt so much— why it was so truly tragic when barty finally did go mad. when he finally stepped off the edge of insanity because evan was no longer there to hold him back. and then he toppled off— and voldemort made sure to keep him that way, giving him the face of his lover’s killer. and he knew evan was not fighting for the dark lord, but to make sure his threats against pandora stayed that way— threats. he knew evan could not possibly risk it so instead gave up his life in the mere hopes his sister would be left alone. she wasn’t. and now they were both dead. and so was his first love, oh reggie. they were all gone. and tom knew that— knew to not let him forget. knew to remind him so he would not crawl tooth and nail, bloody and battered back to the cliffside of sanity. so he gave him a face he would hate— a reflection that would end in bloody fists and broken mirrors and tears and screams. because barty knew although it was not his own eyes that stared back at him, they would have been the eyes of evan’s killer none the less. no matter the polyjuice potion. he was at fault too, he didn’t protect him like he should have— he was too busy trying to build a railing on that goddamn cliffside. didn’t seem to matter in the end though did it? because they were all gone, and barty’s greatest fear was realized, becoming a madman and being controlled— just like his father had, but now he was on the opposite side of a useless war. but barty can’t think any of this, his mind is far too fragmented. so instead he rocks and cries and screams at night; out of view from the students, out of reach from the imperius curse, but perfectly haunted by the ghosts of all his friends— of faces he can’t quite remember and certainly not name. so, barty is alone and insane and used by voldemort— he was no death eater just a boy with a dad who was so very bad who was on the right side of a war and he got caught up on the wrong side with another very bad man all to get away from his dad— make him hate him for a reason he could control— until he couldn’t. because now he was controlled by that very bad man on the wrong side. controlled with one of the curses that man taught barty. and now barty was controlled and mad and very, very alone.

[spritely-elf]

haha literally don’t know how this stemmed from me offhandedly writing down my favorite twink and redhead duos(dean and charlie and remus and lily) but here you go:

but lily never liked sirius, they were far too similar and lily hated that. hated that she saw herself in him, a child who left another child to the wolves and is only trying to survive. a child who left a sibling behind through no fault of their own. and lily hates her mirror so in turn she hates sirius, because that’s what he is, a mirror of everything she is and isn’t. all her flaws staring back at her with silver eyes and black hair. and maybe that’s why james was so perfect for them, because they were the same and somehow he worked for each of them. and maybe sirius and lily did not always hate each other but they were far too similar to ever be friends. and they were each extremes of the same scenario. one pushed it all away with books and grades and perfect presentation, cracks dutifully hidden, while the other did the same with drinking and drugs and parties and games. both were compared unfairly to the other. “mr. black, you really should start taking after miss evans” and “c’mon lily why can’t you be more like sirius, he knows how to have fun”. but sirius hurt remus, and lily would never forgive him, and lily hurt marlene and sirius would never forget that. 

oh marlene, once shy and eager to please, a perfect match to lily. both unusually studious for secret reasons but marlene would allow herself to be trodden on, and so lily was their voice. but lily allowed herself to cry only in front of marlene, and marlene had soft words and tender touches to heal a hurt that lily never let slip to prying eyes. but then marlene grew into herself, and lily was left behind. marlene learned to be loud when necessary and she grew her circle of friends, and she and mary began to enjoy the parties, but of course marlene kept up her grades. and then lily was the odd one out in the trio. she did not talk to boys, she had only ever done so to defend marlene. and marlene did not need her anymore. so lily was alone. but remus oh remus, she did not have marlene’s reassuring whispers, but she did really try her best. and panda.. well that’s a story for another day. but lily grew to resent james and marlene. quidditch prodigies. star students. social butterflies. life of the party. and james didn’t even have to try. and lily could not afford to find out if the hours in the library were really necessary. if she would be isolated from her family and her best friend, oh tuny. then she would excel in every way. she had no choice. 

but marlene thought lily could not love her anymore, now that she had found herself. found that girls were far better than boys in every aspect, found that she liked the big black boots because all her steps turned to stomps, found that she could still wear smudgy eyeliner and listen to loud music even with her light blonde hair. and she thought that lily did not want her anymore, now that she had changed. and she told herself she didn’t care, but that was always marlene’s problem, she always cared, far too often and far too much. so marlene thought lily did not want her anymore, and lily thought marlene did not need her anymore. 

barty and sirius were the same on the outside, bold, brash, and loud. drank too much and each had tattoos they had no memory of getting. both in detention for dress code violations and lateness.

evan and remus were the same on the outside too. both were quite in a dangerous sort of way. scars you don’t want to ask about. connections that are beyond questionable. studious, but the brains of all the big groups and mischievous beyond measure, but never a braggart.

but the thing was that barty and remus were the same on the inside. madness barely contained. always teetering dangerously close the the edge of insanity. barty and remus were just the same, but one was loud about it and one was quiet. both had self inflicted scars, barty the controlled silver kind, remus the violent gold kind.

evan and sirius were the same on the inside too. although barty and sirius were both rebellious from their fathers, evan was small and broken in the inside, just like sirius. and they both had personas they used to hide their souls from the world. one of feathers and bones and unspoken hexes, the other of leather and metal and loud records. but both hid red noses and wet eyes for nighttime.

different houses, same souls.

[spritely-elf]

look i love atyd and all but the train scene is just wrong

remus’s first friend was lily

they met on the train, both alone and confused in a strange world (assuming remus’s backstory is the same) but they had a lot to talk about, how they didn’t fit in at home, how they hoped to fit in here— not that that ever happened— but they were each other’s first friend and maybe james didn’t like remus at first but he saw lily and chose to take remus in if only for lily maybe, i don’t know but no matter because lily and remus could never be ripped away from each other, not even when the order all thought he was the spy, because lily knew werewolf was just a word, lycanthropy just a term, and neither defined her remus. because that’s who he was— never moony to her— always remus. and he could never hate his name when she said it, hate it the way he did at the boys’ home, the way they spat it out all strange and not like the others, not like tim or john or liam. and maybe she thought she loved him somewhere along the way— she would be right— just not in that way. because they loved each other. and maybe she crushed at one point— or never like veronica and wallace, more importantly remus never did because he and sirius. and speaking of sirius, the prank, lily knew and never fully forgave sirius either, it’s why sirius and remus would never work in the end, so much trust was lost after that day, even more so when the possibility of a spy leaked into the order, and even worse when sirius  thought it was him, not because he didn’t trust him, but because he didn’t trust the wolf

[spritely-elf]

this is from forever ago but my notes app is on the verge of tears so here:

yknow what i just realized? harry probably never knew the anniversary of his parents’ deaths. not only that but it was halloween. the first big feast of the year (other than the first day) and let’s be real this kid didn’t get to go trick or treating, it was probably just another glum holiday where he was neglected and stuff. so he would be at hogwarts (especially first year) just absolutely marveling at the feast and the celebration and the decorations. he’d be having a blast, never knowing on that same night over a decade ago his parents were murdered in front of him at godric’s hollow. it’s eleven and i’m laying in bed but i just thought of this and wow. because petunia definitely didn’t tell him and it’s not really the kind of thing you bring up to an eleven year old on his first day at a magical school. maybe i’m completely wrong and he’s melancholy on halloween but cmon think about it. wait wait new train of thought imagine snape despising him extra around or on halloween. like thinking how can you not be absolutely devastated and sulking about, he’d never even think that the dursleys didn’t tell him— that no one did. or even when remus comes, maybe harry knows by then w sirius and all but still, being resigned and mourning, and looking at harry and seeing them, james and lily, lily and james, and not being able to do a damn thing about it or tell harry, but he wouldn’t blame him, looking at harry would just hurt a bit extra that day.

[spritely-elf]

also nagini deserves more screen time bc hello albanian witch turned snake then took by voldy could make a bomb ass story

[spritely-elf]

completely unedited shitpost level johnlock from my notes app from forever ago that i could not possibly be bothered to try to make coherent :) have funnnn:

john

okay so this is based of a hc au type thing where they get the soulmates names right and sherlock’s like agh john’s such a common name and john’s like where the fuck am i gonna find someone named sherlock. okay so i expanded on this in my tragic little brain lemme learn u some things.

kay first off when they meet neither of them tell the other what their soulmates name is. idk maybe it’s not highly discussed in this au but let’s be real it’s sherlock so they don’t have to follow norm. but anyways john meets sherlock and is like oh- (still grappling w internalized homophobia) maybe it’s like how there’s friend soulmates and stuff. omg and maybe that’s even why he dates around sm bc part of him is like i can’t believe there’s no romantic soulmate to me like oh no im unloveable. 

meanwhile sherlock is intrigued by john the second he walks in the room and once john introduces himself he makes a mental note but pushes it away bc he can’t deal with a soulmate bc work and stuff tho lets be real deep down sherlock craves that kind of bond but obvi he can’t do that outwardly so he’s like hmm. but he’s alr intrigued bc john is ‘interesting’ and he needs a flatmate anyways so it’s fine. yes john is a soldier and lives up to and possibly creates sherlock’s many kinks but it’s fine no emotions and such.

but then (fast forward to the point of this rant) they’re waiting for the plane and guys keep in mind i haven’t actually watched this ep yet but ive seen the scene many times and i get the basis of it. and sherlock goes like i have smthn to tell you and such blah blah “sherlock is actually a girl’s name” and sherlock ofc is doing this to see john smile one last time before he never sees him again BUT john just absolutely crashes (internally) so up to this point he’s thought that the sherlock name sm thing could be a coincidence or they’re js meant to be friends/ partners whatever they are. and he’s even at a point where he might love sherlock (prolly doesn’t know or understand if that love is romantic and stuff but still) and so john has spent so long coming around to the idea that maybe sherlock is his. his soulmate- ofc👀. and he hears that and all the progress towards idek but towards sherlock and away from the homophobia and ptsd and stuff is just wrecked. he is wrecked. because now he’s thinking i’m never gonna see this man again and i thought he was my soulmate but what if there’s some woman out there with his name and i’ve just been what? delusional all this time? and this is all in a heartbreak of course and since he’s john he laughs it off and says “no it isn’t” and sherlock earnestly says “yeah but it was worth a shot” and john’s heart just soars and then plummets because if sherlock really is his, he’s never gonna see him again. orrrrrr option b that because the smile was genuine and such he decides in that split second heartbeat that he doesn’t care if it’s someone else, sherlock is his. in every sense of the word. 

even if he’ll never see him again

it’s 11 again idk i’m just really on a roll lately 

[spritely-elf]

it breaks my heart a little every time i remember that no one will ever truly know me. no one will ever understand me, their perspective will always be skewed or influenced.

i will always be alone with myself, the me i see, the me i know, the me i will never be able to escape.

[spritely-elf]

i hc that james saw a picture of little reggie with his haunting eyes as a girl when he was in first year and was a bit smitten, but stopped after one “she’s pretty” at the look on sirius face and the explanation that that was his sister but bc of reggie’s tendencies the family wants to preserve the female image ofc and because reg was always sick as a child, they sort of kept him hidden, so they sent him to beauxbaton to like get him with other girls and then when he kept defying and sirius helped him cut his hair and do a couple other things and such, and bc he was so young he could sort of pass, but it got worse as he got older and so then sirius helped him with some of the bigger stuff and then in fifth he rebelled and ran away over the summer and it was getting harder to control reggie and there had been too many changes and he had been too depressed so he was in and out of school and so they were like fuck it we need a male heir and obvi bella went batshit so reggie kinda took siri’s place which sirius was so glad he could finally be himself but also like yknow and reg was so afraid he would get this taken away he went along with the plans until he was too caught up in the death eaters and stuff but wait this was mostly supposed to focus in on that he shows up sixth year fully transitioned and is like holy shit i need that and then yknow have to keep it hidden and shit after he finds out he’s siri’s brother and their beef and stuff so like yeah or maybe james had seen some pictures over the years and kept his thoughts to himself and covered it up with lily but sixth year he’s like oh lord bro dude man and stuff and goes after him like crazy or smthn and then like some shit happens over the summer or smthn some kind of riff oh wait no because this could all be canon because and stuff and james finds out reg becomes a death eater at end of fifth or smthn and like omg omg omg and then is like oh fuck no reggie whatve you done and reg’s like fuck off you don’t know anything and so they separate and then james starts dating lily the next year bc she finally starts liking him bc he stops being pompous bc he’s depressed from reg and all his friends are like u need this man this is what you’ve been waiting for omg omg this is all canon holy shit but no james never would’ve found out reg rebelled fahhhhh

or maybe to give them more time reg finds the mirror when sirius is at home at some point and like he and james start talking and it like kind of continues over the years and james isn’t really sure why he doesn’t tell sirius but he likes that this is his especially after sirius and moony get closer and reg thinks he’d be in robles with sirius bc sirius is kinda being a bitchy thirteen yro and starting to rebel or smthn and omg maybe the rift between them started earlier than him running away bc reg starts conforming to the black blood purity shit bc he’s desperately trying to be allowed to be himself and like him and sirius could’ve had a plan or no idk but whatwhatwhatwhat bc this would all technically be canon 

compliant like it could be w james and lily or smthn and omg maybe reg obliviated him in the fall of james’ seventh bc THIS IS MY OTHER HC AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAÄ

and after james finds out they have a rift over the summer and reg is like good whatever but he either alr had plans to rebel and shit oh wait canon says shortly after he joined voldemort fucked w kreacher and he was like hell nah so okay maybe that happens over summer and he’s like okay no it’s good james is gone bc like i can’t have any distractions if im gonna do this and like i gotta keep him safe and james is pining and like i can change his mind and in the fall james goes back after him and regulus finally breaks and goes i know im trying to do something about it and is like fuck bc james can’t know like he has to be completely secret if they ever find out their connection so he obliviates him like tragically w tears and that’s how he finally gets with lily even tho he was over that forever ago bc like his friends tell him to and he’s depressed and he doesn’t know why and like lily is like wow he’s so deep and like all this and he dies either thinking reg is evil OR NEVER KNOWING HE LOVED HIM NOOOOOOOOOOOO omg omg no i can’t my babies and this all could’ve technically happeneddddd 

also this was the other note i was referring to!:

i genuinely think reggie obliviated james and  he would be with lily and have these weird deja vu moments and bc it was all secret even from sirius no one knew to make him remember but reg didn’t really mean the spell it didn’t have full effect and bc sirius is sirius he just thought he got back to normal and was just a little confused ig after a period of either a lot of happiness or got caught crying too many times bc omg wait what if he and lily were like on a break or smthn and sirius just thought it was bc he missed lily