To Tenma- “You’re my friend, but… sometimes I wish you were more than that.”
The words trembled from her lips. He could feel her warring emotions along his skin; the trail of goosebumps that was left in the wake of the cold sweat that had swept through him. The tension in the room continued to stir and he left his head bowed, hands clasped tightly as he dared not to even breathe.
He was not a blind fool. He noticed the confessions which had lingered upon her lips for quite some time now. Her love for him was etched upon her very eyes whenever she welcomed him back - to the way her embraces seemed a little too desperate. He tried to ignore it - the longing that lingered in her sky blues. Maybe he had mistaken them; perhaps he was just polluting his view of her with his own bewildering yearnings.
If only he could pretend; then it would be so much easier to swallow his own feelings.
But with her cards laid out, Dr. Tenma could no longer run from the truth. He felt as though the room was narrowing in on him, her spoken words still lingering in the air, making it hard for him to breath. His long ebony strands perfectly hid the terrified expression that exposed his quivering heart. His palms were getting clammy, he began to fidget with his fingers when it dawned on him that soon he would need to compose himself and properly reply.
He closed his eyes, quietly inhaling a breath and exhaling as if to calm his nerves - but did so in vain. He knew once he lifted his head, Nina would see through him immediately. He had to be ready for it. Lying would not do him any good - he was a terrible liar anyways. Tenma wanted to be honest, especially since no one around her in her life had been.
But were the words dancing along his tongue the very sentiments tracing his heart?
He was not good enough for her.
He shouldn't waste her time.
That was the decision he held onto when he finally decided it was time to face her head on.
Finally, he lifted his head and forced a weak smile. But once his eyes locked on hers, his convictions shattered.
“Nina…” He uttered her name, eyes widened in shock as he continued to gaze. Why hadn’t he noticed it before - how much had changed? Sure, her blonde hair had grown even longer and she wore a little make up now for work. But when he looked into her eyes, he no longer saw a young girl full of uncertainties. The Nina Fortner that needed him as her rock was no more. She was a woman who knew she loved him. It was burning in her glossy eyes. He realized now, she spoke her confession with fortitude while he entertained the idea of running away. Here was a grown woman prepared to deal with the consequences for being true to her heart - and he was going to half ass a sugar coated response because the truth terrified him.
Of course he loved her - more than a friend; beyond someone he felt compelled to protect.
But it was him that was the problem - not her.
Tenma squeezed his hands into fists, sighing a bit too loud as his eyes found themselves on the floor once again.
“Nina…I…” He replied airily. And then his shoulders sank. “You deserve someone much better than me.” He hated speaking those words just as much as when they were echoing in the back of his mind. Tenma forced his eyes out the window, a frown shattered the happy-go-lucky persona he usually donned in front of the world. “...I’m hardly here for you in general because of work.” He then naturally took her hands into his, finally meeting her head on as he fixed his stare directly upon her. “You deserve someone who will always be there for you; on your sunny days and most importantly your rainy days…” He began caressing the soft skin of her hands with his thumbs as the rest of his fingers gripped her earnestly. “You deserve…someone who will put you first.” He inhaled a sharp breath, feeling parts of himself shatter as he decided to shove aside his own feelings for what he assumed would be best for her.
“...I…I can’t offer you that Nina.” His eyebrows furrowed, his voice cracking with the emotions he tried so hard to swallow down.
