Unmasked vs masked
I wonder just how much neurodivergence is effected by compulsive application of early European gender constructions
Above as I smile for the camera in my pink top, how much of it was based on how a 'girl' should smile, how a girl should be seen, how a girl should behave, how a girl should make her body smaller so that only the smile is the focus for her purpose is to be seen as something pretty to look at
As opposed to for social safety social communication social expression of positive experiences
In the other as I smile for myself, excited by whatever gifts I had gotten and that it was a special day just for me, I see a wildness in the smile something more feral and alive. Instinctively I know this smile is conceptualised as more boisterous than the other, associated more with terms like cheeky. Yet u as the child had remained the same in both. Struggled with verbal communication and loud sounds in both, loved to look after my baby dolls in both, loved to dance sing and draw in both, loved to play in mid and build treehouses in both, loved bicycles races with the neighbourhood kids in both, loved showing the older children my wrestling skills in both
Yet they are read so differently is it the pink top vs black leather or the fake smile vs weak
And how much of the fake smile is read as prettier or more feminine because it is fake?
How much of what is seen as pretty and feminine is hand in hand with what is trained was is forced what is made by instruction and enforced by their treatment of you
Is femininity then, also interchangeable with being the contented victim?
