I'm a dysphoric, unaligned enby and my best friend is a cishet dude. He only wants to help, but... he really falls short when it comes to handling my venting about dysphoria. Do you have any links or words of advice I could give to him? On the topic of what (not) to say to a trans person venting about dysphoria?
https://pride-color-schemes.tumblr.com/post/148156985299/eafluid-enbyfluid-nobifluidwhen we’re venting we’re often not in an intellectual place where we can play teacher. i firstly think diversifying your go-to would be helpful.
secondly, i guess we start with the gender unicorn or genderbread person. it helps explain how gender involves different parts. the genderbread person was developed by a cis dude on itspronouncedmetrosexual.com
granted, there has been criticism about it not being helpful enough for trans people. the big difference is that while the genderbread diagram as a spectrum of zero to yass for male/masc & female/fem, the gender unicorn includes a third option of “other” for each of those. (for example, having the other spectrum helps with showing the nuance between “agender” & “neutrois” (note that “agender” is an umbrella term too.) there’s also criticism that genderbread was plagiarized.
however, you’re talking to a cishet dude, and the genderbread person has been mainly developed by a cishet dude trying to get feedback. therefore, i guess they’d speak similar languages.
https://www.genderbread.org/
https://www.itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2018/10/the-genderbread-person-v4/
http://www.transstudent.org/gender/
https://www.reddit.com/r/transgender/comments/ipgod/oversimplified_diagram_but_still_a_good_way_to/ (this is a reddit where it started out at)
https://cisnormativity.tumblr.com/post/9652156368/gingerbread-person-this-is-an-anthropomorphic (this has a copy of the image posted at that source subreddit. their blogs however seems to have stopped after 2013.)
now regarding alignment, if i understand correctly attributed gender alignment is basically related to style/expression. the key to communicate is how styles/aesthetics get gender-roled/gender-coded is mostly beyond our control. am i misunderstand you? (you can send in another ask to protect your anonymity)
granted, we might use them as signs/pointers as if we’re playing charades, but some people are bad at playing & others would rather sabotage than help. examples of how other people control how they read you is how pink & blue weren’t always for girls/boys respectively, how fashion varies from culture to culture, etc. i hope that helps
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohwbtkMXJJ0
there’s also the “galactian” alignment system. the words might be weird, but basically it talks about attributed gender alignment. the idea is that since these space objects are inanimate they actually don’t have a gender & they aren’t even human, however they have gender alignment because humans have projected/attributed gender onto these objects. https://gender.wikia.org/wiki/The_Galactian_Alignments
solarian = sun (el sol) = masculine
lunarian = moon (la luna) = feminine
stellarian = stars (la estrella/el astro) = neutral
void = the void/vacuum of space = nonaligned (personally, i just learned of this option. it’s good one to have!)
while there are fewer users you might also find using planets like venus & mars helpful (as in ”women are from venus, men are from mars” & also where the alchemy symbols for m & f come from), because those icons have been used since at least the 1960s-1970s, but since it’s often used to describe the idea that the sexes are separate species it maybe too gender essentialist/cissexist. point being, it’s something for your toolchest. i’ve seen earth get used in this alignment system/analogy as the neutral. i guess absence of gender would still be either the void or else earth?
the gender.wikia.com page still says venus/mars/earth system is not yet accepted onto that site yet. it’s also submitted as a fluid/flux type identity/descriptor, but i did see their pride flags on tumblr https://gender.wikia.org/wiki/File:Tumblr_inline_ob0i9nk8j71re2bou_1280.png
https://pride-library.tumblr.com/post/153057421070/eafluidenbyfluidnobifluid
https://pride-color-schemes.tumblr.com/post/148156985299/eafluid-enbyfluid-nobifluid
TLDR: genderbread persons & gender unicorns are helpful. I am impressed with genderbread.org’s material (it’s like for a workshop) however, you might find the gender unicorn to be easier because it includes a spectrum for “other” as well as “m” & “f”. that part is up to you & the person your teaching.
the alignment systems are to show how like reputation is determined by people who aren’t us & are related to gender roles, even though what styles/aesthetics we enjoy might not be the same as how we identify.
