SATOSUGU MITSKI ANALYSIS BY ME😈
this took me so long because if I think too much about mitski in general I can’t breathe😜
I highly suggest listening to the song on repeat while reading this, it enhances the comprehension and suffering <3
"Today I will wear my white button down
I'm tired of wanting more, I think I'm finally worn.
For you have a way of promising things
And I've been a forest fire; I am a forest fire,
And I am the fire and I am the forest and I am the witness watching it,
I stand in a valley watching it, and you are not there at all.
So, today I will wear my white button down.
I can at least be neat, walk out and be seen as clean.
And I'll go to work and I'll go to sleep and I'll love the littler things.
I'll love some littler things."
"Today I will wear my white button down"
This is the KFC breakup. Today, Suguru is healing. He is giving up everything he's ever had and defecting from Jujutsu Tech. It's his turning point. He's letting go of his old life, closing all the doors to open new ones. His white button down is this new, free version of himself that isn't controlled by the system & forced to watch his friends die anymore. The tone and mood of the song is melancholic and bittersweet; Suguru has been/is grieving over this loss that he is about to experience by leaving, but the point is not to be happy, but to be free. Of his own inhibitions as well as the higher ups. This violent change, this new path he is forging for himself is the opposite of linear, and in leaving, he is letting go of his soul mate. It's hard. But necessary.
"I'm tired of wanting more, I think I'm finally worn."
Suguru is so emotionally and physically drained. Shifting the timeline to before his defection, Suguru was having a horrible time. This life he led at the school, it was slowly enabling his death. He was rotting from the inside out. All there was to life as a sorcerer was cruelty, death, and the inevitability that tomorrow would be no different than yesterday. Exorcize, Absorb, Repeat. Suguru was bone tired. Tired of seeing his friends die. Tired of not being able to do anything about it, even as a special grade. Tired of being told that it was all in the name of saving the helpless. This sickness, this rotting within him had finally crossed a threshold after Riko (rip).
"For you have a way of promising things"
Satoru was the last thread holding Suguru to Jujutsu Tech. Satoru was Suguru's person. His one and only. How nice life would've been with Satoru at his side. The yin to his yang. The two strongest sorcerers. This dream of a future with his other half was beautiful and so, so tempting. But the reality was that this future was never possible. Not as sorcerers in their timeline. Not when they were being used and thrown around by the system. If there was any one person who could've stopped him from defecting, though, it would've been Satoru. In the end, Suguru's love for him took precedence over his need to be together. Suguru chose love. Love over the promise of a future with his soul mate.
"And I've been a forest fire; I am a forest fire,
And I am the fire and I am the forest and I am the witness watching it,"
Flashback again. Suguru was rotting from the inside out. He was losing control. He was depressed and descending into madness. Riko’s death, combined with Gojo’s death & resurrection, had completely flipped his life over. His mind capsized and he lost faith in his once strong ideals. The anger and confusion and negativity were pouring out of his body and suffocating him everywhere he went. He had no control over his life, his friends' lives, and even some of the non-sorcerer's lives (Riko). He was becoming every cursed spirit he absorbed. He was inhaling the negative energy. He became the negative energy. He was surrounded by the negative energy. He was watching the negative energy eat at others, too. Everything was out of his control and he couldn't take it anymore.
"I stand in a valley watching it, and you are not there at all."
While Suguru descends further into madness after Riko's death, he compares his grieving to Satoru, who used his trauma to get stronger and develop new techniques. Suguru knows that Satoru compartmentalizes by hiding his feelings behind playful smiles and silly remarks, but it doesn't make it any easier to watch. Satoru can get through this, but Suguru feels as though he cannot. He cannot put himself through another friend's death on account of "justice" or finishing jobs the "right way". This is where he realizes that their paths must diverge. The end of their time together as the top sorcerers is in sight. Suguru knows he must leave Satoru behind. Satoru is strong enough the push past this and make a difference as a Jujutsu Sorcerer. Suguru being there would only be a hindrance, a complication that would hold Satoru back. Satoru is no longer a part of his future in the way he wants to be. Satoru might hate him, but it's for the best.
"So, today I will wear my white button down.
I can at least be neat, walk out and be seen as clean.
So, flashing forward to KFC again, their paths separate. Suguru has salvaged and remade some small part of himself. He is no longer Satoru's moral compass, he can't be. In doing so, he has let go of expectation and started listening to his heart instead. Suguru's being seen as clean is him finally standing up for his true self. He knows that this road he's heading down will lead to his death, but at least he is fighting for himself and those he truly cares for. For Satoru. This truth is all he needs to accept his inevitable death.
"And I'll go to work and I'll go to sleep and I'll love the littler things.
I'll love some littler things."
After KFC. Suguru starts his cult and gets the cogs moving for his plans. He pushes himself like he always has, but instead of saving those helpless against curses, he's against them. In this, he believes he is saving Satoru. Suguru's new life will go on until it doesn't anymore and he has come to terms with it. His life is his now, he can make his own decisions, and that is what matters to him. In the end, he had to let go of the biggest part of his life. The biggest love of his life. It was not easy to leave, and there is a gaping hole in Suguru's heart where Satoru belongs, but Suguru can deal. It's worth it if he can try to save Satoru instead, even if he despises him. He also started to love some littler things (mimiko and nanako) before he passed. In the end, he was driven by anger and hate, but amongst it all was the creation of those feelings: love.
Wow okay everyone please go drink some water, head outside & reconnect with nature after this (I need to)
Please comment your thoughts down below, I would love to hear all the different interpretations y’all have!!!