#gildedthorn

[panchashire]

My moon and my man 🌙

Featuring me and @major-toast bénja of course

[major-toast]

ive been tentative to ask this because im worried that you wont want to answer/ already have somewhere and i just missed it ;-; but im curious nonetheless so dont mind me...

im wondering if evan ever misses who belsh was before. does he ever wish for how things used to be? has evan changed too much himself to even miss who belsh was? also if belsh's mother HAD died, how would that have effected him? what would have happened, could you pls elaborate from your post pretty pls

Oh, mavis, no! Don't ever hesitate to ask me to your heart's content! I am an open book: I love nothing more than to talk about the lads. These are my babies, and I take every opportunity to be annoying about them with kisses to your gentle hands. I am honestly always so delighted to see that you're taking an interest. It is everything someone like me could dream of, so why would I not want to answer you?

This goes for everyone, by the way. If you want to know more about them, you can hit me up anytime. I am nothing but a servant. I might link previous answers, but this is mainly because I don't want to sound like a broken record, and not because your question bored or annoyed me. In fact, it never could bore or annoy me. It actually helps me going into detail about things I'd usually overlook myself. A win-win, really.

Does Evan miss who Belsh was before?

This might be one of my favourite questions, because I've never gone into detail despite this being exactly what gildedthorn centres around: the inability to return to something that once was, and the grief that follows. Growing up, I often witnessed in others how there was always someone or something they couldn't let go of; something or someone they always came back to, even if only as a memory. Truthfully, we all have that kind of someone or something. It may be your first partner, your first friends, or even something as simple as your first stuffed animal. So, yes, Evan misses Bénja, and he hates that he does.

They were each other's first love — that is something that cannot be erased. Bénja shaped Evan in ways no one else ever gets to, and vice versa. They left traces on one another by growing up together; traces that stick with you for the rest of your life, that define parts of yourself. Bénja was the first person who made Evan truly feel seen, and that is something he will always remember. But that man who used to treat him with so much respect? Who valued Evan's opinion? Who remembered the small things without ever needing to be reminded? Yeah, that man is gone now, and Evan, too, is left with that lingering memory that never vanishes. The only difference: he learned to let go, even if it took time and wasn't easy, whereas Belsh trapped himself in his own grief.

I've hinted at this in the past, but Evan's missing Bénja is something Barty takes advantage of in the beginning of their budding relationship. He knows that, in certain lights or while moving a specific way, he would resemble his brother. And Evan would get this look. This pained expression of wanting something back he once lost, but knows is unable to return to, and therefore, tries his best to bury it as deeply within himself as humanly possible. Because it hurts to remember someone who no longer is, and Evan is not one to chase, never has been. In his mind, he mourned Bénja long enough. That chapter is done and over — or so he thinks.

Yet, he has not gotten over him, not entirely. In his weakest moments, he gives into the idea that it is Bénja and not Barty before him. He pretends, and Barty knows that he does. It is that false pretense he used to coax Evan into more than the friendship or guardianship between them. Naturally, Evan hates himself for it afterwards, because it is wrong to sleep with someone he's supposed to take care of, and it is especially wrong to do so while he pretends it is his first love that also happened to be that someone's older brother. For the longest time, he is unable to seperate one from the other, and this is what makes the beginning of rosekiller's relationship so complicated and leads into a toxic, five-year-long situationship: Barty plays into it while Evan falls for it more often than he would like. Of course, Evan learns to seperate the brothers from one another eventually, and both he and Barty work out a healthier romantic relationship, but it is a long road until they get there.

Evan's missing Bénja is also what makes the forbidden polycule work. Belsh having a shit ton of cash certainly helps, but it is their shared past, and the glimpses of Bénja that occasionally peek through, that convinces Evan to allow Belsh back into his life. Without that link, he would have never given him the time of day.

If Belsh's mother had died, how would that have affected him?

I'm going to answer this from Bénja's perspective, because once we talk about Belsh, the damage has already been dealt, and there is not much that can be changed by the loss of his mother. In fact, it might make him even worse as losing her would mean losing the last person who stands by him. But I digress!

Bénja spent most of his childhood and youth with his mother. Only during summer breaks or other holidays would he travel back to England and stay with his father. Therefore, Liza's influence on Bénja's upbringing had been much greater than Crouch Snr's influence could have been.

As I've mentioned before, Liza sees Bénja as a vessel through which she can accomplish her dreams. Of course, that is not all he is to her, but it plays a big part in their dynamic. Bénja, who has borne witness to her suffering, may it be the torment of her divorce, the humiliation of her ex-husband remarrying so soon, or even the lingering anguish left behind by the sudden end to a promising career, sees it as his duty to achieve those dreams for her. All his life, she cared for and doted on him, and, in his mind, he owes her to repay all that she's done for him. Liza drilling into young Bénja's head that only wealth and success truly matter in life certainly cemented that belief of having to become successful, and, without it, he would mean nothing. This pressure left him vulnerable to influences such as Osmond, who used these dreams against him to make him, quite literally, his bitch. So, had Liza died while Bénja had still been a young boy, he wouldn't have been faced with these expectations that she placed upon him. More so, her death might have made it possible for Crouch Snr and Bénja to make amends with each other and tentatively rekindle their father-son relationship. In Grievances, I wrote that Snr dreamed of working side by side with his eldest son, whom he, unlike Barty, considers an all-round success. Bénja was his angel of a firstborn, the perfect heir. Without Liza there to put Crouch Snr in a bad light repeatedly, Bénja might have given his father a second chance, thus erasing the second weak point which Osmond could have used to his advantage: the absence of a father figure.

Another manner in which Liza influenced Bénja negatively is his arrogance. While she does put him under a lot of pressure, she adores him more than anything in the world. Bénja is her pride and joy. Not Crouch Snr's, no. Hers. He is who she created, who she raised. Bénja is everything her ex-husband could never be. Misogyny is yet another flaw we can add to the long list of what makes Liza such a complicated character, and, to her, bearing and raising a son is the greatest accomplishment a woman could ever achieve. Bénja is the living, breathing proof that she did accomplish exactly that, and there is no way she is not going to flaunt her success. Behind closed doors, she might be strict and tempestuous (strict, not abusive! she never laid a hand on him, and I doubt she even has the heart to hurt her little darling). In front of others, however, she places him on pedestal after pedestal, constantly praising his brilliance, charm, wit, accomplishments, looks, yada yada. Her Bénja is the brightest, quickest, most handsome, and most perfect little thing, and don't you dare say otherwise! Do not even think it! What else is a young boy left to believe than that he is, in fact, everything his mother praises him to be? Even when it comes to his wrongs, Liza always finds ways to excuse them, which is becoming increasingly obvious once he made the transition into Belsh. So, had she died, he would have been humbler, and Bénja would have most likely stuck around a little longer, if not forever.

To summarise, Liza is Belsh's greatest enabler, and she is so in two ways: 1) her expectations and the pressure she exercises are major contributing factors that made Bénja's descent into villainy possible in the first place, and 2) once he does turn into Belsh, she never calls him to account. Instead, she excuses his actions and blames everyone else on his behalf. She loves him, beyond anything in the world, but their relationship is a cautionary tale of how love can be exactly like sugar: too much of it will rot you from the inside out.

[major-toast]

some gildedthorn headcanons regarding Evan and his transness, because mossy's ask reminded me of some of them:

Evan would never take off his shirt while they're being intimate pre-top surgery, because he hated the idea of someone seeing his chest; Bénja would keep on his shirt in solidarity

he never touched Evan's chest because he knew how triggering it could be for his boyfriend to do so

after Evan's surgery, Bénja developed a habit of drawing soothing circles along the surgery scars because he believed it brought Evan immense pain; it didn't, but Evan appreciated the gesture

Evan always took care of the surgery wounds himself, because it was his 'issue' to deal with, and Bénja respected the decision

while Evan had his surgery, Bénja spent the entire day cooking Evan's favourite meals. They celebrated that milestone in the comfort of their own home with movies, good food, and extra cuddle sessions with their dog

the first time Evan experienced bottom growth due to an increase in testosterone, he got uncharacteristically shy. Bénja reminded him constantly how beautiful he looked, working through these changes with gentleness and compassion. He asked how this and that felt, whether or not Evan liked being touched this way or another. The scientific approach to these changes made Evan's head dizzy from want, and he asked Bénja to suck him off at least twice.

seeing Evan's (healed) chest for the first time post-surgery made Bénja's brain short-circuit. He's been fantasising over coming on Evan's chest for a while, and, in the heat of the moment (+ Evan's permission), couldn't hold himself back. The lack of restraint turned Evan on more than he thought it would.

[major-toast]

𝐌𝐲 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐄𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐲 — 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐎𝐧𝐞: 𝐈𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

Bénja releases him, his hands wandering up to cup Evan’s face. He studies him, softly, and the breath lodges in Evan’s throat. He stiffens. Bénja’s not going to kiss him, is he? He had never kissed him in public before. “We did it, Эванэчка”, his partner whispers, pressing their foreheads together. The awaited kiss doesn’t happen. “Nothing can stop us now. Nothing.” Evan closes his eyes, circling Bénja’s wrists with his hands. For a moment, he allows himself to believe that what he says is true, that nothing can stop them now. If this is what invincibility feels like, Evan will try and cherish it.

gildedthorn | 8,393 words | read on ao3

[major-toast]

hiii happy easter 💕💐

ive been super curious about the lore for Barty's brother ? Can you pretty please point me in the right direction to learn / yap about him i need to know 🤧

Also I love your animagus headcanon for barty it is SO accurate in my brain like you seriously nailed it ✋️😭

Mossy 😭😭 Happy Easter to you, too!

This is one hell of a question to answer, because I have so much about him that I do not even know where to begin. And I haven't even posted everything I have on him yet since, sometimes, I, myself, forget how extensive his lore actually is. I already tried to sum him up in this ask sent to me by Han, but it's messy and hard to navigate with all the hashtags I use on my blog. So, a different solution is in order.

*ahem ahem*

Welcome to the...

Unofficial Belshazzar Crouch Masterlist Post

Basics first: Belshazzar Crouch is Barty's half-brother who is older than Barty by five years. They share the same father (Crouch Snr) but have different mothers, see Crouch Snr's marriages. Belsh's mother is a former Russian ballerina and, after an accident that led to her early retirement, started working as a ballet teacher at their local opera house. So, Belsh spent most of his youth at the opera. He also grew up in Saint Petersburg and only spent his summers at Crouch Snr's place, leading to the brothers having an estranged relationship early on.

Belshazzar Crouch: physical appearance | personality (character questionnaire) | moodboard (outdated version) | escort AU (og Belsh)

The brother's relationship is rather difficult to describe. They despise each other, and would rather kill the other than get along, but there remains a sense of brotherly companionship neither of them can truly get rid of, no matter how hard they wish they could. I explored the tiniest percentage of their dynamic in the fruity pirate AU and Bunk Bed.

Crouch Brothers: some angst | moodboard

Another massive factor that has the brothers up and at each other's throats is Evan. Evan and Belsh used to be teenage sweethearts, back when Belsh had still been Bénja. The shift in Belsh's person happened because of Sir Osmond Edwin Aldrich, who mentored and groomed him into the most despicable person to walk this earth. Don't get me wrong, Bénja had been somewhat annoying before; alongside his charm, eloquence, and excellent manners, he was arrogant, had an ego too big for one man alone to be allowed to have, and carried that posh Russian wanker meets comphet finance bro energy like no other. But he had a good heart. He genuinely cared for and loved Evan, and had even been supportive of Evan coming out as trans, even if he didn't fully understand it. I once described him as someone with a golden heart beneath a hardened exterior. Osmond destroyed all these good parts of him and turned him into that monster that is Belshazzar Crouch. Suddenly, he cheated on Evan, treated him more like a toy than a human being, and barely recognised Evan's wants or needs. Naturally, Evan would not endure this kind of treatment and simply got up and left. Evan's final act of love was to disappear, and his loss is something that will haunt Belsh forever. So, whenever I say Bénja, I mean Belsh before his descend into someone disgusting and immoral. When I say Belsh, I refer to him once this transformation has taken place. And, boy, I do love to make Belsh suffer.

Gildedthorn (Evan Rosier/Belshazzar Crouch): relationship thesis | lighthouse (one shot; mde prequel)

Mind you, gildedthorn very much is a doomed ship. In no universe do Bénja and Evan end up together. Rosekiller is endgame, and I stand by that. The only exception I am making is ✨The Forbidden Polycule✨ — Evan Rosier's semi-incestuous harem of Crouch brothers. It's a fucked-up constellation in which Evan simply likes the attention that he is getting from both Barty and Belsh too much to pass up on either one. The brothers still very much hate each other, but, in their minds, it's better to share Evan with one of their kin than have someone else entirely be in the picture. Yes, it is completely messed up, but it makes up for some funny Christmas holidays, I can assure you that. The fact Belsh and Evan used to be teenage sweethearts simply adds a cherry on top of this disaster sundae.

The Forbidden Polycule: summary of their entire dynamic | what happens when Evan mistakes one for the other?

Last but not least: MDE. This is my gildedthorn-centric, arcane-inspired, mad scientist meets eldritch horror AU in which I explore each of the characters' dynamics extensively and obsessively. However, before you ask, no, it's not published, and, as of now, I am not going to publish it either. Aside from the little one shot I linked above, of course. Nevertheless, I love talking about it, and I am certain to make a short summary post about MDE's storyline soon. It's dark, and gritty, and riddled with guilt, and loss, and death, and questionable sex. Eldritch Evan is real and he will hurt you.

Now to Barty's patronus: thank you. I do see Sirius and Barty as character foils; they have the same chaotic and reckless energy, which is why I adore their dynamic. So, making Barty not a dog patronus was out of the question. He's an aggressive, territorial, cunning mess, and Evan is the only one able to handle all that. More than handle, actually. When Evan whistles, however low, Barty heels. It's as simple as that. At first, we (@panchashire and I) had him be a Doberman breed, because they have a violent reputation, and can be more than panic-inducing when one decides to stalk you. And our Barty is a stalker, essentially. However, we ended up switching, because Dobermans are too elegant and sleek to truly convey Barty's chaotic energy. One beautiful evening, Pan sent me a reel about a Belgian Malinois terrorising its owner, and that's how Barty came to be a Malinois after all.

Fun fact on the side: Belsh's patronus would be a black panther.

All right. That's about it. I hope I could cast some light into the endless jungle that is my thoughts on Belshazzar Crouch. He makes me sick.

[panchashire]

My brother in everything except blood, please share with the world your favourite headcanons or aspects (personality traits, habits, quirks, etc.) of our dear boys (forbidden polycule). We need to spread the agenda further, I say, stroking my non-existent sidekick pet ominously and villanously as I plot world dominion for the lads.

Hello hello Bread bowl sorry for taking so long but I clearly had something planned hehe. I hope the things I threw in here are worth the wait my friend. Little mini disclaimer for anyone else reading this, this will be a mix of me and toasts version of roaskiller and our oc insert so shoo if you're not interested in it. Anyways, Sorry in advance for the messy way I answer this and for the typos since we both know damn well theres gonna be atleast one or two in here but let get into it

Starting with--

Barty

Personality wise we both know exactly what kind of person he is. He's a bastard first and foremost and can be intentionally dense when he wants to be. His cunningness and street smarts makes him very calculated but I also like that he's academically smart at well. He's a lot like Bénja in that sense. Barty easily gets top marks without even trying just imagine what he'd be able to do if he had just tried but at the same time he wouldn't be Barty anymore if he tried. He wouldn't learn all his tricks and all the ways to get what he wants. I love the fact that he had a big crush on Evan when he was younger even if Evan didn't feel the same. It didn't stop him from trying tho much to Evan and Bénja's annoyance hehe.

Barty's a big dick and everyone in his vicinity hates him but also somehow doesn't at the same time. There's never been trouble he couldn't talk his way out of. He's one of those people everyone would hate if he wasn't as pretty as he is and he knows it. One of my favorite qualities about him is how versatile he is. He can play a lot of roles and it's fun to explore that and put him in situations he can weasel his way out of. He's a bit of a brat sometimes but he has his sweet moments too even if they're few and far between. Barty knows when he needs to be serious especially when it comes to Evan. His mountain of pride seems to vanish when it comes to that one. He has never hesitated dropping to his knees and begging if he has to. Rosekillers relationship is so codependent but also works so well because no one (well almost no one) works like they do. Barty knows he needs Evan more than Evan needs him and with Evans habbits he's more likely to disappear if Barty pushes him too much. So he dances on the fine line that gets Evan riled up enough for a fun time but never pushes him over the edge. But sometimes Barty pushes the wrong buttons leading Evan to run and hide forcing Barty to hunt him down. It's a game of cat and mouse between predator and predator but barty's entire world revolves Evan so he won't let him go that easily. He'll kiss his feet and beg if he has to as long as Evan will come home with him and it works. Because Evan is weak for barty's sad little puppy eyes and barty's always knows what to say.

Another favorite headcanon is his sex drive and how it plays into their relationship. Barty has a big sex drive and it's often times too much for Evan to handle. So when Evans at work he blows off a little steam with a stranger with Evans permission. It's a half open relationship in that way because 1) Barty gets jealous too easily to see Evan sleep with someone else and 2) because Evan is seldom as horny as Barty it. He really doesn't need multiple partners to keep him sated like Barty does. Evan knows this and trusts Barty enough to know that he'll come home when he's had his fun. Even with Barty's calmer sex drive Evan has his hands full smh. The way Barty clings to him at night is all the comfort he needs to know that Barty's not going anywhere anytime soon.

Next up is

Evan

I don't think it's a secret that Evan is my favorite smh. He's the character I think of most and is partly because some traits of his are mine as well. Don't get me mistaken tho he's not a fill in but I think it's impossible to male characters without putting yourself in them a little. It just so happens that's most prominent with him.

Evan stands on buisness 24/7 and I applaud him for this. He's also very apathetic in a way, mostly coming from how he was raised. He was a ghost in his own house and that left a heavy impression on him. I absolutely adore his relationship with Dora and how wholesome their sibling dynamic is. I'd go as far to say that he wouldn't be here without her but that's discussion for another time. I think out of the three Evan has the biggest range in personalities depending on the au. Sometimes he's more witty and loud and other times he's kinda creepy and off putting. It makes him fun to play around with similar to Barty but there are some cannon events even he can't escape from.

He always has the most aura when he enters the room and there's no better way to put in. Especially in tstbua he's just so cool and nonchalant it makes me giggle hehe. Fun fact to absolutely no ones surprise he's the easiest to draw too. I love love love giving him different hair styles now and then just to try out something new. Design wise he's also got a solid thing going on often wearing earthy tones and not many bright colors. It stems from him being a ghost essentially but he's the kinda quite you don't notice unless he wants you to. One of my favorite things about him is how he's connected to the sea in some shape or form. Especially in your snippets/oneshots I giggle when there's a sinister Easter egg to the ocean.

Evan's had a long journey character wise I like to think he used to be a lot quieter when he was a kid. He was selectively mute and would I not really respond to Dora. But even then he never doubted his identity one bit. He always knew he was a man from the start and it's something I admire about his character. He might be nervous and uncertain about other things but this is the one thing he's sure of and he won't let people give him shit for it. But this also led him to develop a form of internalized misogyny I think. He used to avoid certain behaviors he deemed too 'girly' because he didn't want to give people a reason to doubt his identity. It got a lot better as he grew up (in part to Dora absolutely not letting her brother have that mindset) especially after he met Barty. Barty was so shameless and unapologetic that it couldn't be helped to rub off on Evan a bit. Things really changed when Evan saw Barty in drag once and somehow fell for him harder. Barty had a real fun time after discovering this weakness of his and at the end of the night Evan was left with lipstick stains where there really shouldn't be.

His relationship with Bénja is a lot more complicated tho. Even if reasonably Evan knows that Bénja as he knew him is dead he still can't help but search for traces of him in Belsh. He grew into himself a lot more after their breakup but old habbits die hard and he's still human after all. It's hard not wanting to show off how confident and hot you look now to your ex boyfriend when he's standing right there.

Last but not least onto your favorite (I even wrapped him up nice and pretty for you)

Bénja/Belsh

If Barty is a bastard then Belsh is Bastard²

Where to even begin with this one smh, it's hard to describe him as anything else but tragic. The hero of the story turned villain because of some poor decisions and things out of his contro. The sad part is that he would've turned out the same way no matter what he chose because this was always going to be his fate. Every choice he makes seems to matter so much but also not at all at the same time because some things are predetermined. Bénja is confident, he's loud, and he lights up any room he walks into. In contrast to Barty everyone just seems to love and adore him. Hes frustratingly charming yet arrogant yet it only feeds more into his charm. Some love him, some love to hate on it, and some would pull down his pants and fall on their knees as soon as they met him smh. His ego is the size of a 10 story building but even then he (mostly) keeps it under control.

But for all his suave and charming nature it falls flat in the face of Evan Rosier. I love how their story starts and I hurt when it ends. Evan is one of the few people that can make him nervous. The few people he wants to impress and he seems to be doing a shit job at it right now. But against all odds they end up together and they end up quite happy too, atleast for a time. Their love was one of the purest forms of love and yet it wasn't enough and that's the tragedy behind it. In any other story they would've gotten their happily ever after but this one doesn't end when they've had their happy ending. Its a case of "you could do everything right and still loose anyway" Because it really doesn't matter what Bénja or Evan chose because they never stood a chance.

Even with all the money and the fame and everything he truly wanted Belsh could never be satisfied because he lost the one thing that made him feel human in the first place. His fall off grace really needs to be studied smh. How can such a caring and sweet guy turn into such an asshole. The easy answer is money and greed of course. In the pursuit of both he starts to worry about his image and even develop internalised homophobia. And yet through it all he still can't get Evan out of his mind. My favorite headcanon is that he keeps a Polaroid of when they were dating in his office desk somewhere to torture himself by looking at it every now and then. He drinks his sorrows away and hopes to drift off to a dream where he still had Evan and when they were still happy. His patheticness really does make him an equal match to Barty's desperation, not to mention both their possessiveness. Belsh has the kind of sad eyes you only find in eastern European porn and Barty has the kind of eyes you'll only find in Western porn.

He's a tragically pathetic character and I honestly don't think there's much I can add that you don't already know smh. He's willing to corrupt his own morals to be with the man he loves and that in itself is it's own twisted and pitiful form of love he best represents. Belsh has so many layers and masks to him that I doubt even he knows which one is the real him anymore. I think he has a big identity crisis that he would never admit out loud. So much of his own sense of self is defined but what he has that he has a hard time knowing what he'd be without them. He has trapped himself in his own little cage for so long that he forgot he had the key all along. He's too stubborn to let go so he's doomed to be stuck in his own made cell until someone takes pity and sets him free.

-

But anyways I hope you found the answers you were looking for and if not I hope it's entertaining nonetheless. This ended up just being a really long scatter brained rant on the characters and i hope the drawings make up for how messy it is lol. Here's a version for all the drawings compiled together for better viewing (yes that is Barty in a cat maid dress if anyone was wondering, no I don't know why I chose that specifically). Thank you for giving me this opportunity my crumb coated friend I hope you enjoyed the tits hehe

[panchashire]

how am i only now being informed of androgynous evan

— @katakosmos (coming from toast's recent mde post)

Irene!! Hello!! I've been keeping androgynous evan in my pocket for the longest time... I apologize in advance because I'm not that articulate with words. Mde is just our ocs at this point filled with little self indulgent tropes. The Eldritch God beyond comprehension thing is just a concept I really like, the whole "came back wrong" Trope if you will.

Eldritch Evan is my favorite son and I used this as an excuse to draw them again hehe. The idea just stems from the fact that me and toast thought it was silly for an elder God beyond human comprehension to stick to the binary gender system we have. Most gender stuff is all a construct anyhow so if Evan really was possessed he should be somewhat androgynous at least. It also plays into Bénja and Barty's perception of them and what they wanna see. I actually have this abandoned wip that I never finished but you get the idea I think.

As you can see I'm big on the whole "the void stares back" Thing. Toast explained pretty well why it stuck to Evan specifically but to add to that the eldritch just saw how close Bénja and Ev were and wanted it for itself. It twisted itself into him and they started to become one even before the incident. Their main telltale sign is that Evans eyes develop a ring of purple around them when he's possessed or well not himself. Beyond that they also don't entirely comprehend how to act human so there's always something a little off about them. For example their eyes are a bit too big sometimes, their proportions are off, they don't blink etc etc. Eldritch Evan also has the habbit of staring directly at you, the audience unless they have a reason to do otherwise.

[panchashire]

I finished this in one sitting and Toast confirmed this canon btw