02 - I Am Straight
[Forget About Him — Daniela Avanzini]
;; avoidance transforms into devastation in fleeting seconds internally, daniela couldn’t bear being so distant towards you. it hurt you and her, both parties getting the negatives instead. her stubborn pride tells her otherwise; if you have a man now, why can’t she get one by her side too?
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fem4fem. 2.7k words.
days pass by, no difference was visible in the air. of course, people talk about it behind your back—not like you cared in the first place, you thrived on their endearing or insulting words like a runaway on a fashion show.
the one change was that your new boyfriend, dean, has been dragging you along to his hangouts and parties. accessibility has became easier for you and your friends fortunately yet the downside was you had to deal with his overbearing attitude.
chest inhaled to seem bigger, shoulders rolled back dramatically and a smug cartoony grin reaching his cheekbones as you were tugged to his side despite the look on your face screaming ‘get me the fuck out of here, stat..’ while he boasted about his achievements and whatever the fuck he beams about.
blank mind, devoid of anything important occurring through seamless classes—you were so out of touch, your dear bestfriend daniela hadn’t been replying lately as she would, sometimes even leaving you on read which was an insult tainting your precious ego.
you didn’t want to seem desperate rather just played it off cool, maybe megan’s right. she was on her period or something personal might have been going on: that sounded so wrong since too much vulnerability has been exposed between you two from the depths of your very souls.
halloween’s coming up soon, way too soon than you have expected. this year unlike any other, you weren’t anticipating it.
speaking of the festivity, your boyfriend’s voice snapped you out of it as he chatted to his friends—arms around you as if claiming a territory, not being with a person. “for halloween, bro, i would love to have some typa couple shit going on with my girl,” he makes a cheesy remark that makes you externally cringe, face scrunching up in disgust.
those couple costumes you see on your feed was ridiculous and out of order, too over sexualised (that didn’t really matter to you but still), ugly, and corny.
and with dean? dean out of all people? yeah, fuck no.
“no thanks,” you blurted, extracting yourself out of his sweaty, icky grip.
he raises an eyebrow, grin faltering ever so little but you noticed unlike the others and was satisfied with the outcome.
well deserved.
“why not, baby? it’s hella cute.” he insisted further, eyes drifting off to his sniggering friends subconsciously.
“i don’t go for cute,” you flash a forced sarcastic smile, crossing your arms and making your way the opposite direction.
anywhere that’s away from him.
at least that brightened up your day a bit.
manon cackles out loud in the tense silence, throwing her head back and ignored the rude stares from his friends and dean himself, running after you to catch up with you as she covers her mouth.
“oh god! that was so fucking embarrassing!” playfully, she slaps your arm and you smiled in response. “why’d you ditch me? oh god, i can’t breathe,” she wheezes, coughing awkwardly as she clutched on her stomach.
you clapped her back, “it’s not that funny now, c’mon.. someone just had to shut him up.”
she laughed harder, “the someone in question had to be his precious girlfriend?”
“who else?” you couldn’t help but giggle at the irony.
linking arms with you lazily, manon leans forward. “you gonna go to that halloween party on the weekend, though?”
you hesitated, avoiding her eyes. “do i have to?”
“well, dean’s there.” she adds, giving you a knowing look.
you grimaced, leading her to backtrack her words in panic. “well, fuck.. dani’s there.”
“why’d you have to mention her?” shoving your hands into your pockets, her name brought you memories of these bitter days: her being away from you, possibly not accidental.
manon shrugs, “you two on bad terms?”
“we never were,” you rushed to your defence, wide eyes at the suggestion itself as you faced her furiously.
she held her hands up for a hint of peace, “you two could be now, i mean.. everyone’s shocked that you two aren’t on each other for a full day. let alone.. nearly a week? that’s a record, babe.”
you couldn’t blame her.
calls were quick to be cancelled, no long-lasting texts exchanged and left on read or to an extent: delivered. affectionate pet names disappeared before you knew it, the woman doesn’t even look you straight in the eye anymore so what did you expect? touches grazed on your skin that was engraved permanent faded away, no fingertips in contact anymore at this point.
it bothered you immensely.
“i don’t know what i did wrong,” you admitted honestly, voice wavering at the end.
manon noticed yet didn’t comment on it, nodding solemnly. “that’s what everyone says who’s in the wrong.”
“i’m not, though.” you argued, voice low.
“is it ‘cause you’re with your lil’ boyfriend too much?” manon tilts her head at you.
“barely,” you rolled your eyes.
she tsks under her breath, “don’t lie now. we don’t see you around much anymore, megan’s been complaining.”
“he’s forcing me, i wish i could say no—“
manon cuts you off sharper than she intended, “you can but you choose not to, nothing’s stopping you.”
you nodded, “fine. when’s the party?”
she grins, “this friday, i better see your ass there. i’ll text you the details later.”
committing the day to mind, you smirked and faced her, “what should i wear?”
“something sexy, don’t let your man stop you.”
you snorted softly, “nobody’s able to stop me, baby. let alone him.”
squealing in excitement, manon claps your hand and pats your back in supposed ‘praise’ at the realisation that you deliberately chose not to have freedom since you were now.. temporarily occupied (not for long). “that’s my girl!”
———
fragrance of intoxication bled freely into the thick air, hypnotising you into the sweet suffocation of people’s bodies against others for a desperate sense of touch and need.
bright lights flashed through, explosions of explicit lyrics booming throughout the humongous house of whoever owned it—you never asked for the details, you just knew you had to be there.
to prove a point? maybe.
the outfit you picked screamed it.
your tight white corset loomed around your waist, not so fitting for the ‘angelic’ concept you were going for but perfect for to seek the greedy lust radiating of the gazes scanning your body as you strode past.
fluffy, milky wings hung high behind your back and the mini skirt you were, grazing barely against your inner thighs.
of course, people stared, talked, whispers hidden behind their open palms.
unrecognisable faces greeted your vision, entering and exiting to never return into your life: meant to be bystanders, nothing more but much less.
a sweet smug smile tugged in the corner of your glossy lips when you saw megan enthusiastically beckoning you over by throwing her arms around.
“wow.. you really went out tonight, haven’t you?!” she screamed over the music, pulling you into a tight hug before letting you mingle with other friends who said the same thing but in a different sugary font.
“yeah, i did. i mean.. got a bit bored and decided why not?” you laughed, the corner of your eyes crinkling in amusement.
“wait, wait.. i thought you were going to match with dean?” one of your curious friends (the title alone wasn’t too deserved for them) perked up.
megan’s smile vanished noticeably.
your smile formed into a pleasant grin, “ah, that? i’m glad there was a change of plans.”
and her joyous demeanor came back like a hurricane, crashing through as she clung onto you casually.
“as you should be, anyway who’s up for some drinks?” with exaggerated elegance, she raises the plastic cup full of unknown booze you weren’t interested in knowing the contents mixed with to make that intimidating neon colour.
politely, you scooted away from the table. “no thanks,” you shook your head, giving the row of cups a certain look of disgust.
megan’s eyes bulged out of her eye sockets in horror, “what? you’re fucking serious? this ain’t you.”
“just not in the mood, maybe later?” yet your tone suggested ‘maybe never’.
she gave you a questioning look, seeing right through you since you were an open transparent book to her. “c’mon, then what’s the point of coming to this type of party when you’re not gonna get so drunk till’ you blackout and throw up in the morning afterwards?”
you gave her a condescending pat on a cheek, not really affectionate so she pouted, pushing her bottom lip out like a sulky puppy. “i’ll see you, i need to find someone,” you muttered, your voice inaudible over the noise.
the someone in question was manon.
accidentally, on loose feet that blended it with those dancing rapidly on the floor or tilting forward to a certain person, you barged countlessly into multiple people—ignoring their rude shouts aimed at you and rushed out of the crowd and outside at the back of the house to take a deep needed breath.
your eyes examined the surroundings, it wasn’t the type you would willingly stride into or thrive in.
but you know who definitively would.
catching the woman crouched down, inhaling desperately into the cigarette tugged between her firm fingers. her face was set blank, her eyes casted low as the smoke escapes her parted lips. smoking in a ridiculous costume like a glittery fairy certainly clicked in place for you.
you approached her, “manon!”
she glances behind, a lazy smile twitching on her lips as she throws away the cigarette, standing up and stomping away the fire left harshly. “fuck, you really came?”
“you shouldn’t doubt me, girl,” you playfully scolded her, leaning into her arms for a moment as they wrap around you to ease the chill of the wind passing by.
“damn, you look good.” manon commented, her grip tightening for a fleeting second but you didn’t notice.
you pulled away to look at her, “and you too. but dang, if a kid sees a fairy smoking, you’ll practically ruin their life forever.”
“and ever?” she tilts her head at you and rolled her eyes, “like i care about maintaining a reputation for stupid fairies.”
you laughed, giving her a mocking stern face. “anyway, did you see daniela around? what’d she wear?”
manon’s eyes wandered around, checking just in case. “nah, haven’t see her. perhaps we can find her together? i’m curious now of what she’s wearing for halloween.”
her hands trailed down to your side, reaching to interlock her fingers with yours. “don’t want to get lost here, do we? too many bitches gathered up here,” she warned, tugging you along back inside to the warmth and the music that now was a familiarity to you alongside people’s loud, obscene chatter (and those shameless moans from the corner of the room.)
getting dragged around like a doll by manon, she still held onto you as you two climbed up the stairs where in house parties like these—were asking for trouble or sex, sometimes both. private hangouts arranged upstairs had too many implications, all of them not so good.
people fuck around or fuck each other, hormonal instincts fogging their rationality and would publicly make out right with no care that someone could easily walk in and became one of the traumatised witnesses.
the music blasted from downstairs were muffled, distant yet close as some people gathered to huddle on the staircases and idly held the plastic cups which was left untouched from their lips too busy spilling away whatever nonsense.
colour wasn’t present either, faded to the shadows reflecting upon the white walls and manon’s dark silhouette was the only formable liability you could trust and her lingering touch on your wrist tightening to provide some sort of reassurance.
she faced you, dragging you closer to her body. “hold your breath, people are vaping.”
you frowned, “bitch you literally smoke.”
manon scoffed, one eyebrow arching up cockily. “vaping’s for pussies, it’s diabetes in air. i mean, they literally have a dubai chocolate flavour!”
“can we go or are you gonna keep ranting about your hatred for vaping?” impatiently, you tugged on her arm.
“let’s go, then.” she grumbled, pulling you up into the darkness and you tripped on yourself, unable to see anything.
falling limp sideways, slipping through manon’s arms—you barged against an open door and bumped into a recognisable body into another person.
manon’s mouth falls open as if a fly waiting to pop in as she watches the scene, her initial words dissolving into horror.
the woman dressed up in a revealing harley quinn outfit, her flimsy wig’s strands waving everywhere like she’s electrocuted into a man who seemed to be matching with her, cosplaying as joker with red lipstick smeared of the corner of his lips and the light foundation was the only thing that stood out in the darkness.
it was daniela and another man.
unapologetic, she looked at you and a wave of intense emotion passes before masking with a cool mask, leaning against the man as if she knew him.
as if she trusted him more than you.
there was nothing more to say, her actions said otherwise.
“you.. you really came?” daniela whispered, an observation, not an entry for a conversation but something to absorb the tense air between you and them.
“yeah, i did. i didn’t know.. you had company coming with you,” you played casual carefully, not wanting to seem effected.
manon went forward, the friendliness reserved in her expression vanished. “who’s that?” she jerked her chin at the man who’s arm loosely was around daniela’s waist and she stared at him in unmasked disdain.
a not so friendly smile quirked up, not reaching daniela’s eyes as she raises her eyebrows. “oh, him? i forget to tell you guys but he’s my boyfriend,” she leans into press a rushed peck on his lip which left him flustered definitely.
and to leave you in hidden betrayal.
“oh,” you pursed your lips and looked away, shifting around uncomfortably. “maybe since we haven’t talked in a while,” you added on, intended to leave a slight sting at your expense of a hint of vulnerability seeping through in the hostile conversation.
“maybe,” daniela didn’t deny it.
it hurt that she didn’t even try to.
you needed a drink, immediately.
without an unnecessary farewell, you turned around and dashed downstairs—disappearing into the crowds with manon running to follow you, her arm looping around yours.
“y/n!” she shouted, worried.
you didn’t reply, you didn’t know what to say. you were confused, mostly pained. you don’t know why there was a sudden ache in your chest, tattooing a sinking pain through the inner skin when your eyes set on daniela with someone else.
you don’t know why nor did you want to find out.
manon tried stopping you but failed, falling back into the busied crowds when you arm reflexly shoved her back since you were too emotional to think with your senses—acting upon your rapidly beating heart and downed any available plastic cups filled with booze that was meant to leave you dizzy and able to forget whatever happened tonight.
swallowing the burning liquid down your throat easily, your hands moved on instinct and you just drank and drunk: until your body and mind fell limp, numbing the feelings out.
you needed someone now.
who cares if you have a boyfriend?
forget about him.
felling loose in your sluggish movements, you danced around and eyes fluttered closed when feeling yourself lost in the sensation of being in the crowds in a similar state.
an attractive man caught your half-lidded eyes, who grinned stupidly back at you—showcasing the same dimples daniela had and you knew you had to make a move.
you went forward, twirling your hair. “hey, woody.. or cowboy, you look a lil’ too good.”
he hiccuped, “you too, angel.”
and at the end of the night, you ended up in his arms than where you should’ve been destined in.
where you wished to be in.
