Love You Teacher is phenomenal. We know people have been worried about the infantilizing/child aspect of this story, but it has been nothing like that. This series is about trauma, mental health and healing. It's about loving someone unconditionally, the pain of watching a loved one struggle, and supporting them even when it's exhausting. We can not say enough about this series and if you're avoiding it because Solar reverts to a child, you're absolutely missing an incredibly beautiful story.
With only two episodes left, we already know this will be a top series for us. It has just been so well done. Every episode has hurt badly and we have cried buckets of tears... but each one also leaves us feeling hopeful.
All that being said, there are some big triggers to consider including child abuse/endangerment, child abandonment, suicide, and toxic parenting. So stay safe.
Apparently my brain has decided not to move on from Top Form. But with an episode that gave us all of this:
why am I stuck here???
I just can't stop thinking about that scene; what I wanted from it vs what happened vs what Akin needed.
Trigger Warning: SA/rape
Before I go any further, let's make a couple things clear.
Akin has nothing to be ashamed of. He was not responsible for what happened to him. Period. Choosing to become intoxicated does not mean you are responsible if a predator takes advantage of the situation. It is never the victims fault. However, that doesn't mean people in that situation don't blame themselves. I wish Akin had been angry at the right people instead of himself, but Akin's reaction is tragically common and relatable. And as much as it would have been refreshing to see Akin angry, I respect the series for showing us this very toxic and real reaction to what happened to him. This post will be focusing on Akin's feelings and in no way am I implying he should feel this way.
It doesn't matter if it was SA or rape. The violation to one's autonomy doesn't change. No one here is minimizing what Johnny did because he got turned off when Akin said someone else's name and stopped. And I don't think the show was intending to do that either, even if it includes the toxic forgive and forget we commonly see in Thai dramas. But not knowing what has happened to you, if anything, is a trauma all by itself. It's okay for Akin to be relieved to know just how his body was violated, even if it doesn't change that his autonomy was stolen.
I apologize in advance if any of my word choices or attempt at explaining my thoughts causes any discomfort. I'm doing my best to explain what I saw in this story/characters and what they were feeling. If any of my phrasing comes across as insensitive or dismissive, please give me the benefit of the doubt and some room to be human.
On to the main event
I initially felt pretty meh because the apology didn't give me everything I wanted, but I was willing to call it good enough and move on. But I've changed my mind. The more I think about it, the more it feels like the perfect resolution.
🐈 Kat did an excellent job talking about what WE wanted vs what Akin needed in this amazing post. And I agree, Jin gave Akin exactly what he needed in Episode 7.
I know a lot of us had different reactions to episode 7. I'm not here to tell people they are wrong for interpreting things differently from me or for wanting something different from the story. I was angry as hell at Jin for his behavior in episode 6, and although I could understand his pain, I had a lot of things I wanted from episode 7. I was not ready to forgive Jin easily. But as Kat pointed out, Akin wasn't mad at Jin. Akin already felt ashamed and guilty for what happened, Jin didn't cause that. What made things worse for Akin in that garage was seeing Jin in pain. He didn't need Jin to apologize because Akin felt he was the one who was at fault.
Akin didn't need to forgive Jin, he needed to forgive himself, and Jin deserves massive credit for recognizing that.
I do believe Jin felt awful for how he had reacted and for leaving Akin. Initially, Jin's own pain and feelings had made him blind and deaf to Akin's suffering. Even fearing that Akin had cheated, knowing Akin was lying to his face, what Jin desperately wanted was for Akin to give him hope that there was still something to fight for. So when Akin couldn't give him that, Jin fell apart. But just because I can understand Jin, that isn't an excuse for how he added to Akin's pain and I wanted him to take responsibility for every one of Akin's tears in that garage!
But as much as I was angry at him, I honestly don't believe Jin was looking for an apology from Akin in episode 7. I don't believe his tears in that theater were about him hearing Akin say sorry, I think it was his reaction to seeing Akin's pain, not understanding what caused it, but knowing he was part of it. In that moment, Akin's pain became more important than his own and Jin needed to do something about it. Only then does he confront Johnny. I don't know what Jin suspected, but the fact that he recorded the convo is telling. I think he was looking for a way to help Akin, not clarify if they had slept together or not, so he could give Akin the answers he needed and the tools to forgive himself. I don't think it mattered at all to Jin how far things had gone. Once he realized Akin was hurting over what had happened, Jin had the hope he had needed to fight for their relationship.
And then that's what Jin did:
Akin texts Jin to meet. Jin is excited. But Akin came to give back the necklace.
Akin: "Sorry. I'm probably not right for it."
Jin askes if that's is really why he came and Akin says yes. But there is pain and longing there and Jin sees it and it's the hope he needs. So he kisses Akin and Akin falls apart.
Akin is the first to apologize because he blames himself. But Jin wasn't looking for that and immediately says he is the one that should be apologizing. Not because he was wrong about what had happened with Johnny, but because he knew he had left Akin alone.
Jin: "I'm sorry for making you sad. I am sorry for leaving you that day. I'm sorry. You're not wrong."
But Akin's shame won't allow him to believe Jin's words that he wasn't wrong. He doesn't believe he deserves Jin's apology or love. And Akin falls more and more apart as Jin continues to apologize and fights to run because it all hurts too much.
Jin is trying to reach Akin. Trying to get him to understand.
Jin: "I love you. I'll never let anyone take you away from me."
But this is exactly why Akin got out of that car. He knew how Jin felt about him, could see Jin's pain, and Akin couldn't bear being the source of that pain.
Jin can see the way Akin's shame and self blame is tearing him apart, so he reassures Akin that he didn't sleep with Johnny. Not to minimize Akin's SA or imply that somehow everything is okay as long as there wasn't actual sex. It's to reassure Akin that what he feared most, what he couldn't forgive himself for, didn't happen. That Akin has nothing to hate himself for, nothing to regret. (not that he was ever to blame, but that is how Akin felt) And Akin's reaction to this realization is shattering to watch.
Jin tells Akin over and over again that he did nothing wrong and Akin is finally able to hear that and believe that and the healing can start.
And I apparently live there now.
I was absolutely sick about what they did to Akin in episode 6. I have done a lot of mental gymnastics to overlook toxic messaging in series, but this time it had gone too far for me just to be able to ignore it. There was a narrow path that they could walk for me not to rage quit this show and it involved being VERY clear that Akin was not responsible for what had happened to him. And we got that. And even though I didn't get the groveling Jin and angry Akin I wanted, I think what they gave me was better for the story they were telling. I said I needed them to make me respect the story they were telling to forgive them for this story line, and I am relieved to say that they did just that.
They showed just how ugly and traumatizing SA can be. They made it messy and hard to swallow and showed the harm that can be caused when people do and say the wrong things to someone already in a self loathing shame spiral. And then we saw the difference love and support can mean for someone struggling with misdirected self blame. So well done to the script and epic acting in delivering a truly devastating story.
Also, very much appreciated the flash to Akin being drunk and Jin caring for him. Being drunk isn't a crime and I am glad to see that reflected in the inclusion of that clip.
Editing to add that the apology wasn't perfect for me (and I said as much in this post), but I do feel it was perfect for the characters, their relationship and this story.
If you made it to the end of this, welcome to my head. 🤣 Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk!
Here's Kat's excellent post if you haven't seen it already:
💬 6 🔁 31 ❤️ 113 · a Kat 🐈 rambles post
I apparently have a lot to say about Top Form, but in respect for the limited time I have, I'm her
If that was The Wedding, we will not survive the honeymoon!
A🐈 Kat Rambles Post:
Is anyone else still living in that room with Khanin and Charan this morning? Because I know I am.
I may have spent a ridiculous amount of time this morning rewatching THE SCENE-for science, well and for this post. Nevermind the story of the Emmalian Kiss, it absolutely felt like Khanin and Charan were binding their lives together during this scene. Khanin and Charan allowed themselves to fully unmask for each other, to see and be seen, and if those aren't unspoken vows to each other, I don't know what they are.
In all seriousness, my hat is off to the cast and crew of Mandee/Domundi, because they know how to tell a story. Between the screenplay, the direction, the acting and all the technical work (lighting, set design, filming, editing, music) - they clearly understood the assignment.
While the chemistry chemistries intensely, in the way the Domundi actors seem to have mastered, the scene itself tells a bigger story through the non-spoken communication and interactions between the characters.
Khanin has had to be bold and unwavering in his pursuit of Charan if they were to ever be anything more than their roles of prince and servant. Charan grew up in Emmaly, and was too aware of the differences in their stations to allow himself to dream about anything more. We have watched him falling in-love with Khanin against his will, and his active efforts to maintain distance between them-both literally and figuratively. Charan had every intention of running away, staying at the university and living his quiet professor life away from the temptation of Khanin. When that proved to be impossible, he held up propriety and formality like a wall between them.
Khanin was left with two choices: give up on the possibilities of a relationship with Charan, or embrace his prince role and take charge and boldly move forward. We have spent every episode since they arrived in Emmaly watching Khanin take on this daring and undaunted role, making it clear what he wants and not allowing himself to be discouraged. Which is where this scene STARTS. Once again it is Khanin asking for more, directly and unflinchingly expressing what he wants.
Even when Charan chooses to stay, he's still constrained within his role. Kneeling before Khanin he "humbly" asks permission, worshipping at Khanin's feet, and leaving Khanin to continue within his brazen role demanding more and telling Charan with both words and actions "You are allowed to cross the line."
The Lan have their headbands, and Charan has his pants-his own sign of restraint and the bounds of his social role and status. Ultimately Khanin is the one to free Charan from his self-control. That is the moment we see the full change in him. It is after this that he starts taking initiative, allowing himself to want and act on his desires fully. Charan allows himself to drop the mask and be vulnerable to Khanin, to go all in and let go of his role, and to meet Khanin as a man, not as a royal subject.
Khanin spends a notable amount of this scene with his pants (and mask) on. He remains bold, sexy and undaunted.
I absolutely love the parallel between Charan and Khanin that plays out in this scene. Charan has been forced to make himself smaller-constrained and held back in his role. Khanin on the other hand has been forced to be bigger-confident, commanding, with the illusion of invulnerability he must project as a prince. In unmasking (or rather depantsing 🤣), Charan can be his true self, unfettered and unrestrained. And Khanin can allow himself to be shy, timid, and vulnerable.
I have a lot more rolling around in my head about this show, but I've spent way longer on this post than I meant to, and I have a date with iQIYI I am running late for. Suffice it to say, I am delighted at how it has all come together so far, and am really looking forward to seeing where it goes from here.
I apparently have a lot to say about Top Form, but in respect for the limited time I have, I'm here to say:
Jin's redemption is in giving Akin what he needed - even if it wasn't what I, as the audience, wanted.
edit to add this GIF. video of full scene below break.
Discussion of Top Form episode 6 and 7 under the cut. TW for discussion of SA.
I have a whole unwritten post in my head about The Nightmare Jin / Akin Heart Rending Fest at the end of episode 6, and how Jin, who has been a magical unicorn of giving Akin what he needs all along, failed Akin.
I have A LOT of feelings. I wanted groveling. I wanted to see Jin feeling all the shock and horror of understanding what he did. Of how he stomped on Akin in his moment of greatest vulnerability, of how broken and wounded Akin was in the garage, and how Jin - the one person Akin NEEDED to love him and hold him and comfort him - shattered what was left of Akin. I wanted epic level groveling and amends making. I wanted Jin to metaphorically rip his own heart out of his chest and lay it at Akin's feet. After the opening of episode 7 I wanted blood to run in the streets for that man. I was ready to go vengeance demon for Akin.
But what I wanted, is the exact opposite of what Akin needed.
Jin's biggest failure in the series was how he got so caught up in his own feelings in episode 6, that he couldn't SEE Akin and therefor wasn't able to give Akin what he needed. In episode 7, he could have repeated that mistake. I do think Jin was remorseful. I think he -WOULD- have groveled, and would have spent the rest of his life trying to make it up to Akin. I think he would have delivered Johnny's (metaphorical) head on a platter. I think he would have burned down the theater and his career and raged in defense of Akin. That man has shown us, and Akin, repeatedly that he is in it for the long haul.
There is a great irony in that as much as I wanted a bigger and better apology, I think that Jin apologizing in that way would have been another way to fail Akin. Because the big apology would have been about Jin's feelings, about making himself feel better. But I think his true redemption is that he was able to step out of his own feelings, and once again see Akin and what Akin needed.
Jin apologized, but Akin didn't want it and couldn't tolerate it. Akin didn't need Johnny's head. Akin didn't need Jin to set the world on fire in anger and vengeance. Akin didn't need an apology. It causes me great pain that despite all MY anger and rage, that Akin wasn't angry. Akin didn't blame Jin. Akin wasn't mad. Akin was heartbroken. Akin blamed himself. Akin was full of shame.
Jin gave Akin everything he needed. Jin gave Akin his body back- by giving him the knowledge that he had not been violated in the way he feared most.* Jin gave Akin his innocence back- by giving him the knowledge that he hadn't done anything wrong. Jin gave Akin his heart back - by giving him the knowledge that he was loved and cherished.
*I feel the need to point out that Johnny unquestionably sexually assaulted Akin. The man is a gross predator, and the fact that he didn't go FURTHER than he did doesn't lessen what he did. However, it seems clear to me that for Akin that there was a line that pushed him over the shame cliff.
🐠: Repetitive tasks at work today meant I got to replay episode 9 of Khemjira over and over in my head. Might be a little bit obsessed with this series. Just a little bit.
So I couldn't stop thinking about Khem and how he left. Even though Peem asked him to stay. Even though he blamed himself already for hurting Peem, he chose to hurt him again, knowing he was leaving Peem alone. But it's because staying hurt too much.
I doubt my ability to really explain what is rattling around in my brain, but I am going to try. Sure, Khem left so Ramphueng wouldn't hurt anyone else, but it wasn't only a selfless act done for the sake of others... Khem was also protecting himself.
The guilt and pain of seeing the one you love hurting, and knowing you are the cause, can be unbearable. Khem sees Peem's suffering and loss and he knows he's the cause. Khem knows he's the reason everyone is in Ramphueng's crosshairs and Peem's love for him won't allow Peem to abandon him to protect himself or others. Khem sees Peem recovering from Ramphueng's attack, and all this pain cuts Khem deeply because he is the reason this happened and the love Peem has for Khem is the very weapon, the bonds, that allow Peem to be hurt. Khem would rather leave, knowing he is hurting Peem, than to stay and watch the person he loves continue to be hurt because of him. It's easy to focus on Peem's loss and pain, but Khem experienced that loss too. And now, Khem is looking at the man he loves, weak and recovering from Ramphueng's attack, and he knows he could lose Peem too. In the face of so much loss, it's too much. Khem can't stay for Peem. He can't face being the reason Peem continues to be hurt. And Khem can not bear even the possibly of Peem dying because of him. Leaving is not solely an act of self sacrifice, it's also one of self preservation, because being the cause of Peem's death would be worse than dying himself.
This series is off to such a strong start for us. We have loved every episode, even though every.single.one has made us cry! The acting is off the charts good. You can literally tell if Santa is Solar or Sun. And Perth has already cried so many tears. The messages are beautiful. It's visually stunning and colorful. We've laughed. We've cried enough to make us question our hobbies. But the fear comes from our deep love for this story so far. It has exceeded our expectations and every week it gets better, which makes us nervous because expectations can get tricky. The first 3 episodes have set the bar high and we hope it is able to stay strong and stick the landing because we would be really disappointed if it doesn't.
Some fun to tide us over while we all go through withdrawal this week. This game was initially started by @biochemjess in this post that @nabi-unveiled was kind enough to share in their post. Share your favorite scenes and moments with us! Use any of the categories already created or make your own.
We loved the other two posts for their own perspectives, so we went with our own categories, mostly. This post could have gone on forever, but we stopped ourselves, promise. It could have been much longer!
❤️ If we had to summarize the show in one pic/gif (love this category)
Wu Suo Wei has no idea how much danger he is in and Chi Cheng is a complete pushover for him.
🧡 The moment we lost all hope of being normal about this series
No explanation needed.
💛 The translation that made us give up on Gaga and Viki and subscribe to the official channel
Because that is not what we saw and we needed that shit.
💚 One of our favorite examples of Wu Suo Wei being a walking meme
It's impossible to pick an actual favorite because his expressions are epic.
💙 The final nail in Wu Suo Wei's coffin
His fate was sealed before this moment, but we don't think there was any chance of escape after this point.
💜 The best brat moment
This includes the dramatic pouting before this moment. Hilarious.
❤️ That one time we giggled
Wait... is he? Yes. Yes he is.
🧡 Why it hurts us
Because Chi Cheng thinks he knows what Wu Suo Wei's game is, but he is wrong 😭
💛 Wanted to do one about the sweetest moment, but there are too many to choose from already and our brains started short circuiting trying to choose! This show will be the death of us.
Occasionally our brains fixate on something that completely pulls us out of the moment. This usually leads to a bunch of laugher after yelling at the TV. Some even become long running inside jokes. Sharing some of those moments so you can laugh along with us. We can't be the only ones this happens to.
The Ex-Morning: Shut the fridge!
The Heart Killers: Are you trying to die??? Watch the road!
Top Form: They are never going to get that honey out of the carpet! We both were so horrified by the honey, it inspired a tongue in cheek trigger warning post. Some activities require plastic sheets or need to be moved to the bathroom.
Knock Out: Hell no! This is the last place for shenanigans! There is ZERO way that place is not FULL of SPIDERS!!!! 🕷️😱
My Sweetheart Jom: Kat has mild trypophobia... so the regular appearance of this vase caused her to frequently lose track of the plot.
