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you kiss me (i'm falling) chapter one

Summary: Wu Suowei: Successful singer, songwriter, and actor. Hiding in the closet. Chi Cheng (pseudonym Tian Xuning): The male escort Suowei hires for one night. Author's Note: This is the first chapter of an escort!Chi Cheng and celebrity!Suowei fic that I wrote back in April. Ultimately, I felt that this chapter didn’t work for the story I wanted to tell. I decided to post it onto my tumblr because I wrote a pretty substantial amount and I felt that it’d be a waste to leave it sitting in my drafts. While I personally feel that this first chapter can be read as a standalone, readers who prefer stories with neatly tied up endings may want to skip this one. Hopefully someone out there will enjoy reading it! Title from Kylie Minogue's On A Night Like This. Word Count: 10,112

Suowei’s heart pounded somewhere up in his skull, a hard and fast beat that set the blood ringing between his ears. It took two attempts to swallow past the knot lodged in his throat. He checked the clock on his phone for the tenth time in half as many minutes.

8:54 PM.

Six minutes to go.

The hand gripping his phone was shaking, all clammy and sticky with sweat. He tossed his phone onto the sofa and wiped his hands on his trousers. The fabric of his pants had wrinkled from all the times he had gripped and pulled at it. Maybe he should change? He shook his head. No, he had already changed three times tonight. Plus his pants would be coming off soon enough. If not to have… have s-s-sex (Jesus, even in the privacy of his own mind, he struggled to say it), then because he was about to throw up all over himself. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this nervous. Seven years ago, perhaps, when he was eighteen and getting up on a stage to perform for the very first time.

Suowei turned on his heel, took a few steps forward, and then turned again. His back-and-forth pacing had worn a deep groove into the floor rug.

Was he really going to go through with this?

Yes. He had been researching escorts and agencies—the high-end, discreet ones that catered to clientele such as himself and promised complete confidentiality—since last year. It had taken months of hyping himself up to actually make a booking; he still remembered screaming after he did it, running circles around his room like an overexcited puppy.

He had spent the entire week deep-cleaning every room in his house to make it presentable for his guest. He had cleaned himself, too. Earlier in the afternoon, he had showered, shaved, and prepped himself. He had even done his makeup and hair. Because tonight, for the first time in twenty-five years, Suowei was going to kiss someone he actually wanted to.

He was going to make love with a man.

The thought made Suowei go weak in the knees. He didn’t think his heart could beat any more forcefully than it already was, but he surprised himself. His heart started to riot behind the wall of his chest. He pressed a hand to his sternum, felt the wild thumping.

Oh my god, he thought. I can’t do this after all. I’m going to have a heart attack.

He needed to cancel.

Since he didn’t give forty-eight hours notice, he would still be charged for the full ninety minute session, but flushing away 7,500 yuan seemed like a small price to pay in exchange for keeping his sanity.

He could already imagine the headlines splashed across every tabloid and entertainment news channel in the country.

Wu Suowei PAYS FOR SEX! or Wu Suowei CAUGHT WITH A HOOKER! or Wu Suowei’s SHOCKING PROSTITUTION SCANDAL! or some variation thereof.

Or worst of all: Wu Suowei—GAY?

That was not how he wanted to come out to the world. Or his parents.

The doorbell rang, and Suowei jumped so high he nearly hit his head on the ceiling. He whipped his head towards the door and stared. His stomach did a slow roll of dread as though there were a murderer behind the door and not the very attractive man—Tian Xuning, if his profile was to be believed—he had hired for the night.

“Oh my god,” he whispered to himself, voice shaking. “He’s here.” He tightened his hands into fists. “Okay. Okay, okay. I can do this.”

He had to do this, because if he cancelled now, he would never be able to scrape together his courage a second time.

Resolved, he straightened up. Closed his eyes. Took a deep breath and held it. Blew it out slow through his lips. In for four counts. Hold for seven. Exhale for eight. That was what his manager had taught him. He did it before his concerts, before every first table read, and in bed when his frazzled mind refused to release him to sleep. He smoothed down the front of his shirt. He was going to be an adult about this. It wasn’t like this was his first time. He had had sex before, though it had been a few years ago now, and with a woman, not a man. Admittedly, it had been disappointing for everyone involved. It had also been embarrassing enough that the memory sometimes floated to the forefront of his mind when his guard was down, causing him to cringe.

The doorbell rang again.

Suowei unglued his feet from the carpet and forced himself forward. He curled his hand around the door handle and turned, pulling the door open. Keeping his body half-shielded behind the door, he peeked his head out to look.

It happened in the series Suowei had acted in: the male protagonist struck dumb by the female love interest’s beauty. Suowei had even played those roles himself, eyes widening, mouth parting in shock, head turning slowly to follow the girl’s movements, his entire expression soft with awe. But he had never experienced it in real life—until he tipped his face up and met Xuning’s dark, steady gaze.

Every thought in Suowei’s mind simply evaporated into nothingness.

He had seen photos of Xuning, of course, but his eyes had been obscured in shadows, or his face had been turned away, just so. Suowei had carefully studied the angle of Xuning’s jaw, the pout of his lips, trying to piece together what the man might look like. He had clicked through Xuning’s photos, where he had been shirtless and in expensive underwear. He had followed the long lines of Xuning’s legs with his eyes, and wondered if Xuning really was the one hundred ninety centimeters listed on his profile, or if the height was generously rounded up. Probably the latter, Suowei had thought at the time. Xuning’s legs looked a mile long, but Suowei knew how photography worked: it was the product of the right angles with the right lighting, makeup, and digital retouching.

He had told himself these things, so he was unprepared for how jaw-droppingly handsome Xuning would be.

Xuning’s dark hair was styled into an artfully tousled look, bangs falling across the strong slant of his brows. He had sharp cheekbones and an even more defined jawline, his full lips softening out the cut of his jaw.

Suowei swept his eyes down Xuning’s body—cataloguing black dress shirt, which was tucked into black trousers—then dragged his attention back up again. Tall. The man was very tall and very broad at the shoulders, and Suowei’s brain seemed to be unable to let go of this fact because when he opened his mouth, rather than extend an appropriate greeting, he instead blurted out, “You’re much bigger than I thought you would be.”

Wait. Fuck—

“Taller! I mean taller!” Suowei cried, slapping both hands over his face. His cheeks burned violently beneath his palms.

Xuning laughed, low and soft, more exhale than true laughter. “I figured that’s what you meant, since you haven’t seen all of me yet.”

You haven’t seen all of me yet.

At Xuning’s words, a small and pathetic noise squeaked out of Suowei’s throat.

Xuning chuckled, a gentle rumble that emanated from his chest. “I’m Tian Xuning. You must be Suowei.”

Suowei nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He did, however, manage to pull his hands away from his face. He risked a glance at Xuning, found the man looking at him with amusement. His cheeks flushed impossibly hotter, and he dropped his gaze.

Shoot. Xuning was really hot. Maybe a little too hot.

A moment passed. Xuning cleared his throat. “Should I come in?”

“Oh!” Suowei startled. “Oh, yes, of course. Please.” Hurriedly, he stepped back, and in his haste to do so, tripped over a pair of house slippers. He stumbled back into the wall behind him, head hitting against it with a thud.

“Woah, careful.”

I need death to take me swiftly, Suowei thought, closing his eyes so that he could fully savour the mortification seeping through him. He wasn’t going to survive this. Two minutes into their night and he had already embarrassed himself twice.

“You okay?” Xuning asked.

“I’m sorry,” Suowei said. “I’m not usually like this.”

Xuning gave him a reassuring smile. “It’s alright. We don’t need to rush into anything. How about we just sit for a bit?”

“Okay. That sounds good.” Suowei could do sitting. In fact, given how wobbly his knees were, it was probably the only thing he could do at the moment.

Xuning toed off his shoes and neatly set them on the shelf by the entryway. He followed Suowei into the living space.

Looking at Xuning was like looking at the sun; you couldn’t look at him straight-on for long without feeling blinded. You had to steal glances at him from out the corner of your eyes. When you looked away, you still felt dazzled, and the after-image of Xuning’s striking good looks remained seared in your mind.

That was how Suowei watched Xuning as the man peered around his home: snatching glances from beneath his lashes, like he was both enchanted and overwhelmed by the sun.

There used to be photos of his friends and family hanging on the wall, but Suowei had moved them all into his bedroom. The walls were bare now. The awards he had accumulated over the years for his acting and songs had been swept off the mantel and into a storage trunk at the foot of his bed. He wasn’t sure if Xuning knew who he was or not. If Xuning was aware of his identity, then Suowei would rather not remind him of it. And if Xuning didn’t know, Suowei wanted to keep it that way.

He wrung his hands when Xuning stopped in front of his bookshelf, eyes scanning through the titles on display. Suowei had moved his manga collection—all 113 volumes of One Piece, along with the complete sets of Naruto, Full Metal Alchemist, and Demon Slayer, among others—into his study, leaving behind a carefully curated selection of non-fiction books whose topics orbited around philosophy, psychology, science, history, and politics. Hoity-toity stuff that Suowei wanted to like, but couldn’t read two pages of without dozing off, chin dropping to his chest, book falling out of his hands. His bookshelf was sparse and sad now, but at least it looked like one that belonged to a sophisticated adult.

Xuning turned around to face him. “You have a nice place.”

“Thanks,” Suowei mumbled. “I cleaned.” Even more obsessively than he would for Lunar New Year. He finally threw out the random junk that had piled up on his coffee table, had dusted and wiped down every surface. He even buffed the wooden furniture with lemon polish. He swept and vacuumed, and made sure all the couch cushions were sufficiently fluffed.

“I can tell. It smells like lemons.”

As Suowei thought, Fuck, I should have lit the candles after all, Xuning added, “It smells nice. I like lemons.”

Suowei gestured at his couch. “Well, here’s my sofa. Please take a seat.”

Xuning took a seat. He leaned back, thighs falling open as he made himself comfortable.

Suowei politely averted his eyes. “Um… Can I get you anything to drink? I’ve got wine, beer, water, tea, juice, milk—er, well, you probably wouldn’t want juice or milk since you’re a grown man and all. Uh, unless you do want juice or milk? I wasn’t trying to suggest that adults couldn’t drink milk or juice, or anything. I mean, I drink milk, and I’m an adult. One glass every day!” He knew he was rambling, but could not seem to stop.

Mercifully, Xuning saved him from drowning in a stream of his own babble. “Some water would be good.”

“Sure, be right back.” Suowei scampered into the kitchen.

The moment he escaped into relative privacy, he let out an explosive breath and sagged over the counter. He folded, putting his forehead to the blessed coolness of the marble. Jesus Christ, his head had literally been overheating out there. The chill of the marble seeped into his skin. He stayed there, letting it bring down his body temperature.

He thunked his forehead lightly against the counter. “What the fuck is the matter with me?” he whispered to himself.

He had been on live television to accept awards and take part in talk shows. He had performed in front of sold-out stadiums. He had kissed, undressed, and shot intimate scenes in front of a crew of twenty people. So why the fuck was he acting like this? Why couldn’t he Just. Be. Cool?

Xuning was just a man. Albeit, a hot one. But Suowei had met a lot of hot men in his life. His line of work was full of them, and he had always been able to talk to them without making a fool out of himself. He had been able to crack jokes and laugh with them, even act physically affectionate with them. Tons of people thought he was cute, charming, and fun to be around. Where had that part of him run off to when he needed it the most?

He thunked his head against the counter again. He needed to get his act together and serve the man a glass of fucking water. He had shaken his ass for thousands of screaming fangirls. He could pour a cup of water and serve it to a man without having a breakdown.

But maybe he needed a little liquid courage to do it.

Suowei straightened. He grabbed a glass from the drying rack, then went to the cabinet and reached for a bottle of vodka. One shot would be enough to take the edge off his nerves. He gave himself a generous pour and tossed it back, cringing as a trail of fire burned down his throat.

He took his time filling two glasses with water from the fridge. Breathing, giving his pulse space to settle.

Just two adults, Suowei told himself. They were just two adults meeting to have sex. People did that all the time. He would just be honest. Being honest about his nerves always helped. Xuning knew, anyway. In his first message to Xuning, Suowei had written that this was his first time hiring an escort, and that he was looking for someone gentle and patient. Xuning was a professional. He would guide Suowei through it all. It would be fine.

Blowing out a breath, Suowei stepped out of the kitchen.

Xuning smiled at him when he returned, accepting the glass with a small thanks.

Suowei took a seat on the opposite end of the sofa.

“You don’t have to sit so far away,” Xuning said. “I don’t bite.”

Hesitantly, Suowei shifted onto the cushion beside Xuning. There, he sat with his knees together, back straight, and hands curled around the glass of water in his lap, like a polite visitor in his own home. His shoulders were nearly up to his ears and he had to make a conscious effort to lower them. It was a stark contrast to the easy way Xuning reclined against the sofa.

A beat of silence passed between them, too long for Suowei’s comfort. “So, uh, how was your day?” he asked. “Er, I mean, are you allowed to tell me? I’m guessing you can’t share any personal information about your clients…”

“You’re my only appointment for today,” Xuning answered. “I woke up around six-thirty. Went to the gym—”

Of course he did, Suowei thought, eyes flickering to Xuning’s chest. The swell of his pecs were visible beneath his shirt.

“—came home and showered. Had breakfast. Worked for a couple of hours.”

Suowei’s ears perked at that. So Xuning was moonlighting as an escort? He wondered what other job Xuning had. A model? A personal trainer? He certainly looked like he could be either of those, but he didn’t offer any further details, and Suowei didn’t want to pry.

Xuning hummed thoughtfully, and then continued, “I took a nap. Did some chores around the house when I woke up. Had dinner.” He smiled apologetically. “Sorry. It’s boring, I know. But then I got ready to come see you. I’d say you’re the most exciting part of my day.”

“Oh, jeez,” Suowei said, hands feeling very sweaty around his glass of water. He tipped his head back for a drink, gulping loud as he did so.

Xuning’s lips twitched at the corners. “I didn’t say that to make you feel pressured. What about you? How was your day?”

“It was good! Fine,” Suowei answered, too quick. It was the kind of response that offered absolutely no information and shut down conversations before they could start. He wracked his brain for something to add. “Uh—today was a day off for me.”

He had cleared his whole schedule for three days as a reward to himself after wrapping up his latest drama. His manager had promised not to contact him unless it was urgent. In hindsight, he wished he had some light work scheduled, or even vocal lessons or a dance workshop. Something to keep his mind occupied, because this was day two of his three day break, and with nothing better to do, he had been worrying for forty-eight hours straight.

“I, uh, woke up. Worked out. Ate, showered. Did some reading—” Suowei waved a vague hand in the direction of his bookshelf, “—and relaxing. I love to relax on my days off, you know?”

“M-hm.” Xuning was smiling faintly.

Oh god. He sees right through me.

“Cleaned the house a little?” Xuning asked mildly.

Suowei opened his mouth to lie and only for the truth to spew out of him. “I actually spent six hours cleaning every room in my apartment. I’ve been cleaning all fucking week.” He wedged his glass between his thighs to free up his hands so that he could bury his face in them. He pushed his fingers through his hair and gripped, probably ruining his careful styling. “I swear I haven’t been living in squalor—I’m not a hoarder or anything—I just clean when I’m nervous. I changed my outfit, like, three times today. I showered twice and prepared myself for you and everything, and oh god—please tell me to shut up. I’m so fucking nervous, and you’re very handsome, so it’s making me even more nervous.”

Laughter burst out of Xuning, but it wasn’t mean. Rather, it was low and warm and amused. Or maybe that was wishful thinking on Suowei’s part. Either way, the sound of it had his stomach pulling in tight.

“Sorry,” Suowei said, feeling defeated, but also strangely free now that he had aired out his nerves. “I’ve never done this before. I don’t know how to act.”

“I know it’s easier said than done, but relax. You’re doing fine, I promise.”

Suowei made a dubious noise.

“I’m serious. It’s normal to be nervous. I’ve had first-time clients cancel on me fifteen minutes before our appointment because they got cold feet.”

“I almost did that,” Suowei admitted.

“You didn’t, though. You opened the door and invited me inside, so I’d say you’re doing pretty good.”

This time, it was Suowei’s turn to laugh, though it came out slightly strangled. Opening the door meant that he was doing well? The bar was truly buried six feet under the ground.

“I appreciate all the effort you put into our first meeting, and I’m flattered you think I’m handsome. I’ll tell you something,” Xuning said, leaning in like he was about to divulge a secret. Suowei caught a whiff of his cologne. It was subtle, a seductive blend of cedar and warm citrus. “I’m nervous, too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You’re super cute.”

Suowei let out a short huff of laughter, hand going instinctively to cover his mouth. He took the tip of his thumb into his mouth, bit down on it.

He’s paid to say that, Suowei reminded himself. Didn’t stop him from blushing, though. Still chewing on his thumb, he looked shyly at Xuning, searching for a trace of a lie on his face. Xuning was smiling, a small and sweet thing. When their eyes met, Xuning’s smile cracked to reveal a row of perfect teeth.

The look turned Suowei into a different state of matter. He liquified into the sofa, sliding down it slightly, head leaning back against the cushion. His insides had turned into molten heat. Jesus. Xuning must make a fucking killing with this job.

Xuning’s grin widened.

“Stop,” Suowei whined, hands over face again. “Don’t look at me like that.” He peeked through a crack between his fingers to see if Xuning complied.

Xuning did, ducking his head. Suowei caught the tailend of his smile as he turned away. Xuning drew his lips between his teeth, as though to tamp down on his smile, but failed miserably. “I’m sorry. It’s just that you’re adorable.”

Suowei emerged from behind his fingers. His hands dropped away from his face, though he still kept them close to his chest in a protective gesture. Suspiciously, he said, “You’re paid to say that.”

“Doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

Suowei swallowed. He had nothing to say to that in response.

“You mentioned this was your first time doing this,” Xuning said.

Suowei nodded.

“Have you been thinking about this for a while?”

“You mean booking an escort, or being with a man?”

“Both. Or either. Whichever you feel comfortable answering.”

Suowei’s hands had returned to his glass of water. He fiddled with it, nearly spilling it over his lap. He took a gulp of water, buying himself time to respond, and then set the glass on the coffee table. Slowly, he said, “I’ve always liked boys.” When the admission left him, it seemed to puncture something open in his chest, like a release of pressure after holding back for years.

He continued, “But when I was a kid, I didn’t know what being gay meant. I didn’t know I liked boys in that way. Do you know what I mean? Like, when I was in kindergarten, there was this boy that I played with all the time. I loved going to school because I could see him. I followed him everywhere. I always tried to sit beside him. I gave him my snacks and toys, and when I saw him play with another girl, I cried.” Suowei snorted softly at the memory. Strange, how vivid the emotions were, though he couldn’t recall the boy’s face anymore. “He was probably my first crush. But I didn’t know at the time—I just thought I wanted to be best friends with him. I didn’t realize what my feelings meant until I was eleven or twelve.”

“What made you realize?” Xuning asked.

Suowei shrugged. “A lot of little things, I guess. I found myself looking at boys in the changeroom while my friends were obsessed with girls and talked about them all the time. Which girls were the hottest, who had the biggest boobs, shit like that, but I didn’t care at all. I had to make stuff up so I could be part of the conversation.”

That, and he had a fucking crush on Sasuke from Naruto when he was eleven. It had lit something up in him, when he saw the scene in the anime where someone knocked Sasuke forward, causing him to crash his lips into Naruto’s. But there was no fucking way he was going to tell Xuning that he had thought about kissing Sasuke nightly as a kid.

“Did you tell anyone?”

Suowei shook his head. “No. You’re the only one who knows.” Jesus, that sounded sad, like he had no friends or family who would support him. Maybe he didn’t. His dad always made snide comments about gay people when he saw a man who looked or acted even remotely feminine. His mom didn’t join in, but she didn’t stop him, either. As for his friends, he had fallen out of touch with his classmates from high school. He wasn’t close enough with anyone from college to come out to them. He didn’t know if he could trust them to keep his sexuality a secret. He had friends within the industry, but it was the same problem: he didn’t feel like he could trust anyone with this part of him. If the media caught wind that he was gay, it would ruin him.

“You’re the first person I’ve ever told,” Suowei said, his throat closing in on itself as the last word left him. His nose began to sting and his eyes grew hot. Oh no. Then his eyes started to prickle with the tell-tale signs of tears, and he knew that when it got to this point, there was pretty much no stopping it.

He was going to cry.

Fuuuck, he groaned internally. How many times was he going to embarrass himself tonight? He pressed his fingertips to his eyeballs as though he could physically stop the tears from coming out. No luck. He felt the tears welling behind his eyelids, before spilling past.

“I’m so sorry,” Suowei said, muffled from behind his hands. “I’m feeling very frazzled today.”

“Suowei,” Xuning said, his voice low and gentle. “Don’t apologize.”

The couch cushions dipped as he shifted to move closer. They weren’t close enough to touch, but Suowei could feel the Xuning’s’s presence and the heat radiating off him.

“Thank you for telling me,” Xuning said. “Can I give you a hug?”

Suowei dashed at his eyes. Sniffed loudly and wetly. He nodded. “Okay,” he agreed, nose sounding all clogged up. He leaned in.

Xuning gathered him up, winding an arm around his waist, other arm going across his back. It was a bit awkward because they were both seated; Suowei had to twist his torso to get his arms around Xuning’s shoulders, but it was nice to be held like this. He felt small and secure in Xuning’s embrace, enveloped on all sides by the man’s body heat and strength. A large palm ran up and down his back in a soothing gesture.

Suowei’s vision was blurry with tears. When he blinked, fat tears rolled down his cheeks to soak into Xuning’s shirt. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, he said again, “Sorry.” He wiped at Xuning’s shirt ineffectually. “I’m being embarrassing.”

“You’re not,” Xuning assured him. His hand moved to cradle Suowei’s neck, guiding him back in.

Suowei allowed himself to be reeled in. He dropped his face onto Xuning’s shoulder, rubbing his face into the man’s shirt to dry his tears.

“It’s okay. You can cry,” Xuning said softly. “You’ve kept this to yourself for a long time. It must have been exhausting.”

“Yeah,” Suowei sighed. “It was.”

He let himself melt further into Xuning’s chest. Xuning stroked a thumb back and forth over the skin of his neck, the tip of his thumb catching the sensitive lobe of his ear and causing him to shiver. Xuning gave very good hugs, Suowei thought. Big and warm, without the hint of discomfort that typically existed between strangers. It would be even better if they were standing up so that they could press fully against each other.

Xuning’s caresses eased Suowei into a lull, smoothing out the jagged edges of his emotions. The alcohol was kicking in now, too, helping him relax. Xuning played lightly with the short hairs at the nape of his neck, nails scritching there like he was petting a cat. A blissed-out sound escaped Suowei’s throat, but it was quiet. If Xuning heard, he made no comment.

Suowei couldn’t be sure how long they stayed like that. He was happy to indulge in the comfort Xuning was offering.

Once his breathing had returned to normal and his eyes stopped refilling with tears, he pulled away. Xuning let him go, though he kept an arm around Suowei’s shoulders. They sat closer together now, Suowei tucked into Xuning’s side, their thighs touching.

“Feeling better?” Xuning asked.

Suowei wiped away the last of the wetness on his cheeks with the back of his hands. “Yes, thank you. I didn’t mean to turn this into a therapy session.”

“You’re paying me five thousand yuan an hour. This can be whatever you want it to be.”

Suowei choked out a laugh. Xuning gave his shoulder a squeeze, and Suowei took it to mean that he was allowed to lean back in. With a sigh, he moulded himself against Xuning, resting his head on a firm pec, feeling it rise and fall with every breath. It was sort of how Suowei imagined cuddling with a boyfriend would feel like.

“Suowei,” Xuning started. “I’m happy to stay like this. But can I ask? What were you hoping for tonight?”

The question had Suowei flushing hotly. It was a sudden reminder that Xuning was here for one reason: because Suowei had hired the man to fuck him. He stammered through a few um’s and ah’s that turned into, “I was hoping—I mean, I was thinking we could, uhh….”

“Suowei.” There was warmth and fondness imbued in the syllables of Suowei’s name. “You don’t have to be nervous around me. I just want to know how I should take care of you tonight.”

Those words flipped a switch inside Suowei. He tamped down a whimper, belly quivering with the beginnings of arousal. Oh god. Xuning said it so casually, so professionally. He probably had no idea how devastating it was for Suowei to hear those words.

“I read your request,” Xuning said, referring to Suowei’s two-sentence message: This is my first time hiring an escort. I’m looking for someone who will be patient and gentle with me. “But it was a little vague. I wasn’t sure if you wanted some company, or if you wanted to go on a date, or if you wanted to try something new…” He trailed off. The pause was an expectant one, offering Suowei an opportunity to respond.

Suowei’s throat worked, struggling around his answer. He looked down at his lap, where his fingers were wringing themselves into knots.

This would be so much easier if Xuning could just read his mind. Then Xuning would know that Suowei just wanted to kiss a boy—someone of his own choosing—for the first time in his life. That felt too pathetic to say out loud.

And yes, he wanted to get fucked, too. By a real cock, not a silicone one. He wanted to feel it hot and throbbing inside him. He wanted to feel the weight of another man on top of him, groaning against his ear while pounding into him. Then after, it would be nice if they could lie in bed and cuddle and make some pillow-talk.

But how was he supposed to ask for that when he couldn’t even ask Xuning to kiss him? He had kept his sexuality under lock and key for so many years that his desires refused to come out even when afforded the chance. Even the shot of vodka hadn’t been enough to lower his inhibitions, his guards going right back up the moment the conversation turned towards what he wanted out of their session.

He felt frustrated by his own timidness. A glance at the wall on the clock informed him that half their time had already gone by. At the rate this was going, Xuning would leave before Suowei could scrounge up the courage to ask for a kiss.

“I think,” Xuning started, “I already know, but I want to make sure. Can you tell me? What would make this a good night for you?”

“I…” Suowei’s mouth had gone dry, and he licked his lips to bring moisture back to them. Just ask, he urged himself. Xuning’s probably gotten weirder requests. He couldn’t look at Xuning when he asked meekly, “I was thinking we could kiss?” Wait, would Xuning want to do that? It was a popular storyline in books and media, Suowei knew: prostitutes with golden hearts, who freely gave their bodies but saved kissing for the person they loved. Maybe it was like that in real life, too—

“M-hm. That could be arranged. What else?”

Oh, okay. So kissing wasn’t a problem for Xuning. That was good.

“And maybe you could touch me?” Suowei’s eyes drifted to Xuning’s hand, which was resting on his thigh. He had big hands. Much bigger than Suowei’s own, with more prominent knuckles and veins that ran along the back of it, up his forearm. He imagined large palms sliding up his shirt, skimming over his bare torso. He imagined strong fingers gripping his waist as Xuning fucked him. He flushed violently at the thought.

“Touch you where?”

Suowei made a whining noise, not unlike a kettle. He certainly felt hot enough to be one, and he was shaking. He wouldn’t be surprised if there was steam whistling out of his ears. “Xuning, please, you know…” He gave Xuning a helpless look, willing him to fill in the blanks, but was met with that same steady gaze. Oh god, Xuning was waiting for him to say it. Pouting, Suowei mumbled, “You said you already know what I want.”

“I have a guess,” Xuning corrected. “But I’d rather know for certain how far you want to go.”

Suowei took a breath. “All the way.” His voice was barely audible, as thin as a thread. “I want to go all the way with you. I want you to kiss me and touch me, and I want—I want to have sex with you,” he forced out, and the moment the last word left him, his cheeks went up in flames. Oh my god, I can’t believe I said that out loud.

Xuning smiled. “One last question. Is this your first time with a man?”

“Yes,” Suowei whispered.

“Then we’ll go slow.”

Suowei nodded. Said quietly, “Okay. Yes please.”

Xuning let out a barely audible groan. “God. You’re adorable.” He brought up a hand. It was a slow and telegraphed movement, the kind he might use with a skittish animal. He brushed the backs of his fingers across Suowei’s cheek, and then he turned his hand over, cupping Suowei’s jaw. Xuning’s eyes were fixed on his mouth, dark with intent, and as Suowei watched, he saw Xuning’s tongue dart out to lick his lips.

Xuning leaned in, a slight tilt to his head, and gently pressed his mouth to Suowei’s. His lips were warm and softer than Suowei had expected.

Xuning pulled back a fraction, eyes sweeping over Suowei’s face as though to check his reaction, before dipping forward to take Suowei’s upper lip between his own. Their mouths met, once, twice. Little pecks that started chaste and questioning, until Suowei overcame his initial shock and began to kiss back.

Suowei had kissed hundreds of times before. He had even gotten pretty good at it, according to his co-stars. He knew what to do with his mouth and teeth and tongue, where to put his hands. But that was all technical stuff, and every kiss on set had just been a performance he put on for work. He was an actor, so he knew how to make it look anywhere from shy and sweet to hungry and passionate—even when he felt nothing. To him, it had always just been lips touching. No more stimulating than brushing arms against someone in a crowd.

So he hadn’t known, that it could feel like this, that simply kissing a man would make this much of a difference for him. Every time their lips touched, it set off literal sparks. Suowei trembled as Xuning’s kisses grew deeper. No tongue, but Suowei felt like he was being plundered: his breath stolen, the whimpers tugged out of him. He felt light-headed, like he would have floated away on a breeze if it weren’t for Xuning’s hand on his neck. Xuning’s thumb rested on the pulse-point beneath Suowei’s jaw. Suowei could feel his heartbeat flutter madly under the touch.

Xuning sucked on his lower lip, giving it a light tug with his teeth that had Suowei gasping. His hands flew to Xuning’s chest, fingers curling into the fabric, holding on. As though in apology, Xuning’s tongue flickered out to ease the sting. He licked at the seam of Suowei’s lips, a request for access, and Suowei gave it to him with a sigh. His own tongue ventured out to curl tentatively against Xuning’s.

Heat was being pulled into Suowei’s core, pooling between his loins. In his briefs, his cock stirred with interest. He wanted to get even closer. He pressed forward, hands moving up Xuning’s chest to his neck, and then he was winding his arms around Xuning’s shoulders.

Hands found his hips. Xuning dragged Suowei onto his lap. Suowei broke from the kiss with a yelp that turned into a moan when his half-hard cock rubbed up against Xuning.

Suowei leaned down as Xuning tipped his head up to take Suowei’s lips between his own. Arms came around his waist, pulling him flush. He felt it then, the press of something firm and bulging against him. Xuning was hard, and the moment the thought registered, Suowei short-circuited.

Holy shit. That was another man’s cock, hard and wanting, pressed against his own. Only a few layers of fabric separated them.

He was sitting on a man’s lap, making out with said man. The man was hard, and what a wondrous thought it was, knowing that it was because of him. It set a bolt of heat shooting right through him and he whimpered into Xuning’s mouth. He went from partially hard to fully erect so fast that his head spun. His cock throbbed painfully. It strained against his briefs, desperate to rub itself against Xuning’s arousal.

Suowei squirmed closer, rolling his hips forward in search of friction. He moaned when he found it, felt Xuning’s answering groan vibrate against his lips.

Oh my god, Suowei thought in a daze, I can feel it. Even through the layers of fabric, he could tell how hard Xuning was, the shape of his cock, the size of him.

Suowei’s hindbrain took over. He rocked his pelvis forward, chasing the friction of another cock rubbing against his own. Every motion had him twitching with shocks of pleasure. Warmth unfurled at the base of his spine. His cock was leaking; he could feel the damp patch forming where the tip smeared into his briefs. He gave up on kissing, could only pant open-mouthed against Xuning’s lips as he moved his hips.

Xuning’s hands slid over his ass. Fingers dug into the fleshy swells, just dipping into his crack, dangerously close to his hole and taint. Oh my fucking god, yes, yes, yes—I want your fingers inside me. The thought scattered the instant Xuning guided Suowei’s hips to grind down him.

Suowei’s hips stuttered and he moaned, dropping his head to bury his face into the curve of Xuning’s neck. He inhaled the warm, masculine scent, feeling dizzy all over again.

A bit of kissing and over-the-clothes grinding and he was almost ready to shoot, like a teenager. He would have been embarrassed if he weren’t so far gone. His orgasm was building in his groin, so close that he could taste it on his tongue. He whimpered, rolling his body against Xuning with increased desperation. Xuning’s low and rasping voice cut through the fog of pleasure:

“Want to show me where your bedroom is?”

They stumbled to the bedroom, Suowei leading the way. He couldn’t even walk properly, he was so hard.

As soon as they made it past the threshold, Xuning was pressing up behind him, hands sliding underneath his shirt, pushing it up his chest and over his head. Xuning tossed the shirt onto a nearby armchair.

Suowei’s pants came off next. Xuning popped free the button, hooked fingers into the waistband and pushed down, divesting Suowei of his trousers and underwear at the same time. His erection bobbed free. His skin prickled with the awareness that he was fully naked in front of a man for the first time. Heat washed through him as Xuning swept his gaze over him. Judging by the way Xuning licked his lips, Suowei thought—hoped—that it was an appreciative look. Xuning’s hooded eyes lingered between his legs. His fingers curled at his sides as he resisted, just barely, the urge to cover himself.

Suowei sat down at the edge of his bed, watching wide-eyed as Xuning reached behind himself, grabbing his shirt and pulling it over his head in one fluid movement. Suowei’s mouth went dry as Xuning’s torso was revealed.

Oh, that is unfair.

Xuning belonged on a magazine spread, he thought, wearing clothing that emphasized the breadth of his shoulders, or shirts with plunging necklines. Or maybe no shirt at all.

He followed the line of separation down Xuning’s abs, to the dark whorl of hair around his belly button, which trailed beneath his waistband, directing Suowei’s eyes to the obscene tent pushing at the front of his pants.

Xuning reached into his back pocket, emerging with a few packets of lube and condoms, which he tossed onto the bed. His hands moved to undo the button of his jeans. With torturous slowness, as though he were teasing Suowei, he slid the zipper down the swell of his arousal. The front of his pants fell open.

Suowei actually stopped breathing. His eyes were riveted to the sight of Xuning’s clothed erection, which strained against the fabric of his briefs.

Xuning slid his fingers beneath the elastic, pushing his pants down his hips. He stepped out of his jeans and bent down to pick them up. When he stood again, his cock bobbed heavily.

Suowei was unable to stop the shaky, breathy oh that left him.

He had seen it in porn, of course. He owned several toys. It featured in his fantasies nightly. Obviously, he possessed one of his own. But none of that had prepared him for the real thing.

Xuning’s cock was thick, flushed red with blood. A prominent vein pulsed along the underside. Xuning curled a hand around his shaft, gave himself a few pumps that turned his breathing uneven. Then he held himself around the base, giving a little shake as though flaunting himself.

Arousal yanked sharply at Suowei’s gut. The arrogance of that gesture should have annoyed him—Xuning clearly knew he was hot and hung as a fucking horse. Except he did it with such ease that it just made Suowei want to drop to his knees and put his mouth on it. If he had even a modicum of the confidence Xuning did, he might have done it.

Instead, he peered up at Xuning, looking for guidance on what to do next.

Xuning was already gazing down at him. His lips curved into a smirk, wicked. “Am I bigger than you thought I’d be?”

Suowei’s face exploded with heat. “Oh my god,” he cried, reaching for a pillow. He clutched it to his chest, burying his face into it. He would never live down that comment he made at the door.

Xuning laughed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

Suowei hugged his pillow tighter.

Xuning’s voice turned gentle. “Suowei, I’m sorry. Look at me?” He reached out to push the pillow down, just enough to see Suowei’s face.

Suowei gave him a sulky look.

The smirk was gone from Xuning’s face, his expression having softened out. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself. You’re so cute when you’re flustered.”

“I’m not cute,” Suowei mumbled, feeling somewhat betrayed that part of him liked being called cute by Xuning.

“You are.” Xuning tugged the pillow out of Suowei’s arms.

Suowei let go of the pillow. He shimmied backwards on the bed, making room for Xuning to join him. His back hit the headboard.

Xuning put one knee on the bed, and then the other. The mattress dipped under his weight as he closed the distance between them. His hands came down on either side of Suowei’s head, curling around the headboard. He loomed over Suowei, pinning him down with a heavy gaze.

Xuning’s voice dropped. “It makes me want to eat you right up.” He swooped down, crashing their lips together.

Suowei moaned, arms winding around Xuning’s neck. His mouth opened up under Xuning’s tongue. Their bodies came together in a heated press, chest to stomach to pelvis. Their erections rubbed against each other, causing both of them to groan. Suowei wrapped his legs around Xuning’s waist, rolling his hips up, seeking out that delicious friction on his cock.

Fuck, yes, this is what he needed: to be trapped under a man’s bulk, being kissed breathless, feeling the heft of another man’s arousal on his body.

“Please,” Suowei whispered. “I want—”

Xuning seemed to read his mind. He slid off Suowei, plucking up the packet of lube and tearing it open. He squeezed a generous amount onto his open hand, rubbing his palms together to warm the gel. Then, he wrapped his hand around three fingers. He worked his fist up and down, slowly spreading lube over his fingers.

Suowei couldn’t look away, mouth stripped dry of moisture.

Xuning’s fingernails were neatly clipped. Every time they emerged from the circle of his grip, Suowei’s breath caught. The sight shouldn’t have been so obscene, but it was, because it was a promise of where those fingers were going next. His hole fluttered in anticipation.

“Lie back,” Xuning said.

Suowei did, allowing Xuning to wedge a pillow under his hips.

Xuning settled between his open legs. He put a hand on the back of Suowei’s thigh, pushing it toward his chest and tipping his ass up. Revealing his hole. Suowei looked up at the ceiling, cheeks burning with how conscious he felt. He was on full display now, completely naked, dick standing at full attention, legs spread to reveal that secret part of him.

Xuning touched the tip of his middle finger to Suowei’s hole. Suowei clenched instinctively against it.

“Relax,” Xuning murmured. He rubbed the pad of his finger over his entrance, trying to coax Suowei open. The touch set little sparks of electricity jumping over his nerve endings. Suowei forced himself to soften.

Xuning pressed down, more and more, and then his finger was squeezing past the ring of muscle, delving inside.

Suowei let out a shaky exhale. It felt so different when it was someone else’s fingers. More intense. More arousing. Xuning thrust his finger in and out, pressing against his inner walls. When the tip of his finger grazed against his prostate, Suowei’s hips jerked. “Ah!”

Xuning’s lips curved. “There?”

“Uh-huh.”

Xuning withdrew. The next time he pressed inside, it was with two fingers. Suowei’s breathing turned unsteady as he was slowly and carefully stretched out. Xuning seemed to be in no rush. Suowei might have thought he was unaffected, if it weren’t for the way his jaw tightened almost imperceptibly, and his cock twitching where it hung heavy between his thighs.

Those clever fingers kept brushing his prostate, stimulating him enough to keep his cock hard and drooling, but not enough to tip him over the edge.

Suowei huffed and squirmed, trying to fuck himself on Xuning’s fingers, but his position made it near-impossible for him to do so. The only thing he could do was ask for what he wanted.

“More,” Suowei breathed.

A third finger joined in. Suowei was starting to feel the stretch now, but Xuning worked him loose, fingers squelching inside Suowei’s ass every time he fucked inside. He plunged all the way inside, until his knuckles hit the rim. Then he curled his fingers, found Suowei’s prostate and rubbed, dead-on.

“Oh, fuck!” Suowei cried out, practically jack-knifing. His cock blurted a line of precum onto his belly, and he heard Xuning draw a sharp breath. He fell back on the bed, chest heaving, abdominal muscles clenching.

Xuning groaned. “Holy shit.”

When Xuning’s thumb began stroking his taint, stimulating his prostate from the outside, Suowei’s brain whited out. He heard himself whimpering, tiny puppy whines that sounded in the back of his throat.

Heat built low in his groin, stoked higher and higher as Xuning continued to massage that place inside him. He was dripping like crazy. He could feel the fluid working its way up his shaft, dribbling out of his slit. It was as if Xuning had found a button inside him that unstoppered him, causing him to leak like a broken tap.

“Ohh god,” Suowei said, half-moan, half-shudder. His legs shook. The meat of his inner thighs trembled. His hands scrabbled for purchase on the bedsheets, yanking them off the corners of the mattress. He clutched at the sheets.

“Too much?” Xuning asked.

Suowei shook his head furiously. “More. I need more. Please, can you—” His voice broke off on a moan.

“Want me to fuck you?”

“Yes!” Suowei cried.

Xuning pulled his fingers free, leaving Suowei to gasp for air. His hole clenched forlornly around nothing.

Xuning ripped open a condom and rolled it down his shaft. He got himself lubed up, breath going ragged as he pumped himself a few times. “How do you want to do this?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Suowei said, too dizzy to even think. “Whatever you want.”

“It might be easier on your side,” Xuning suggested.

“Okay,” Suowei agreed. On his back, on his hands and knees, upside down—he genuinely did not care as long as Xuning put his cock inside him.

Suowei rolled onto his side. Xuning lay down behind him, sidling up to him. He could feel Xuning moving behind him, the heat radiating off him like a furnace, though he couldn’t actually see what Xuning was doing. It only served to heighten his anticipation.

His breath hitched when he felt the first nudge of Xuning’s cock against his hole. It was warm and firm, yet had a yield to it that a dildo lacked.

Holy shit, this is really happening. He had been satisfying himself with his fingers and toys for the past ten years, and now he was going to be fucked by a real cock attached to a real person. He trembled from how excited he was.

Xuning circled the head of his cock over Suowei’s waiting hole, teasing him, getting him used to the touch. Then, he pressed forward. Suowei moaned as the tip breached him. The flared head popped inside with a burst of sensation. Inch by inch, Suowei was stretched open on Xuning’s cock. The pressure in his pelvis was astounding, almost too much despite Xuning’s careful preparation. Suowei whimpered. This was a lot bigger than Xuning’s three fingers and any of the dildos he owned. “Xuning—”

Xuning paused to let him adjust. “You’re okay. Just breathe,” he soothed, running a palm up and down Suowei’s flank.

Suowei took a few breaths, making a conscious effort to loosen his muscles around the intrusion. Gradually, he began to relax.

“Yeah, there you go…” Xuning murmured. “Good.”

Suowei pushed his ass back, a silent request for Xuning to keep going.

The thick shaft pressed up against his inner walls, spreading them apart as it sank inside. The breath wobbled out of him when Xuning’s pelvis hit his ass. They were plastered together now, Xuning’s front against his back.

Suowei’s head spun. “Is it all in?” The stretch was incredible, skirting the edge of pain. He had never felt so full before.

“Yeah.” Xuning sounded strained. “How do you feel?”

“Big. I mean, you feel big. Not me. Fuck—I can’t think properly.”

Xuning let out a breathy laugh, and Suowei felt the low rumble of it vibrate through him. “I know what you meant.” He rubbed a hand up and down Suowei’s arm. His voice lowered to a murmur. “You feel amazing, in case you were wondering.”

It was weird to say ‘thank you’ to something like that, so Suowei stayed quiet, feeling himself blush.

The hand that was on his arm slid over him to caress his chest, stomach, thighs. Helping him relax.

Once his body grew accustomed to the sensation, he squeezed down experimentally. Xuning groaned against the back of his neck, breath hitting hot and damp over his skin. Suowei did it again, tightening his insides around the cock inside him.

“Ready?” Xuning asked.

In response, Suowei tentatively pressed his ass back into the cradle of Xuning’s pelvis. “Yeah. I think so.”

“Tell me if it’s too much.”

Suowei didn’t realize how close Xuning’s lips were to his ears until he felt his warm breath ghosting over the shell of his ear. He shivered. “Okay.”

Keeping Suowei steady with a hand on his hip, Xuning began to move. He rocked his hips back and forth in shallow motions.

It didn’t take long for the discomfort to dissipate. The last of Suowei’s resistance melted out of his body.

“Mmm…” Suowei sighed. Wow. He’s fucking me. The thought alone was a turn on. Just the slide of Xuning moving in and out of him was exhilarating already, but the moment Xuning’s cock skimmed past his prostate, it had his entire body seizing with pleasure.

“Oh! Right there,” Suowei cried out.

“Here?” Xuning asked, and then he rolled his hips into Suowei in a deep, filthy grind.

The moan that came out of Suowei was embarrassingly loud. “Yes!” He pushed his ass back to meet Xuning’s thrusts, trying to fuck himself on Xuning’s cock. “You can—deeper—”

Xuning got a hand under his thigh and hiked it up, spreading Suowei further open on his cock.

Suowei gripped the sheets beneath him, bracing himself against the impact of Xuning’s thrusts. His fist clenched and he choked out a sob as Xuning’s cock dragged over that spot inside him. “Oh god. Yes—like that, just like that—”

Xuning obliged him, fucking into him with deep and steady strokes that had him going light-headed.

Suowei was usually pretty quiet when he jerked his dick. He’d breathe more heavily. Maybe he’d let a small moan slip when he rubbed his thumb over his slit. But all of that was off the table when his prostate got involved. He got so loud. It was completely uncontrollable, and right now, Xuning’s cock was rubbing back and forth over his prostate with every thrust. He felt so full inside, Xuning’s throbbing and solid girth pushing against his inner walls with every maddening slide. His brain turned to mush against the onslaught of pleasure. The ability to form coherent words had left him, even his cries of ah ah ah devolving into one long moan.

Pressure-heat swelled in his pelvis. It overflowed from deep within his gut, sweeping through his limbs in a warm rush.

“Touch yourself,” Xuning said roughly.

Suowei did, hand flying to his dick. He barely got two pumps out of it before his orgasm took him by surprise. He came with a cry, hips bucking as he shot all over himself. His leg jerked so hard that Xuning lost his grip on it.

“Ohh fuck,” Xuning moaned. “Yeah, that’s it.” He clamped an arm around Suowei’s middle, keeping him locked in place. He kept fucking Suowei through the waves of his orgasm, low groans feeding straight into Suowei’s ear. Xuning’s thick cock pushed past his spasming inner walls to hit that spot deep inside him.

Suowei sobbed, another spurt of cum forced out of him. Xuning slammed home one last time. Suowei felt the cock inside him throb. It got impossibly harder, and then it began to pulse with its release.

Suowei clenched his ass rhythmically around Xuning, milking the orgasm out of him. He loved feeling the solid heat of Xuning’s cock, how it throbbed as though it had a heartbeat of its own. And he especially loved the way Xuning held him close, groaning hotly into his neck, hips twitching helplessly with each wave of his orgasm.

Suowei descended from his high, feeling like he was floating on the way down.

Xuning slipped out of him, arm unwinding from Suowei’s torso. Cold air rushed in to fill the space that Xuning once occupied. Suowei felt the mattress dip as Xuning flopped onto his back, and he did the same.

They lay there for a moment, catching their breaths. The room was quiet, save for their panting. Suowei relished the golden tingly sensation that had spread through his entire body, from fingertips down to his toes. Suowei swore he could still feel the phantom stretch of Xuning inside him.

Xuning broke the silence first. “How are you feeling?”

“Holy shit.” Suowei let out a breathless laugh. He flung an arm across his eyes. “I didn’t know it would feel like that.”

“Better than a dildo?”

“Much better. I can’t feel my legs.”

Xuning hummed, sounding pleased. “Good. I’m glad I was able to make your first time a good experience for you.”

“Yeah. Fuck,” Suowei said, incapable of more eloquence than that.

Xuning let out a low rumble of a chuckle. He sat up. “I’ll get you cleaned up. Do you have a towel?”

Oh, that was sweet. It made sense that a little aftercare was part of the package. “Yeah, it’s in the bathroom, just down to your right. You can use any towel.”

“I’ll be right back.” Xuning disappeared into the hallway.

Suowei looked at the clock on his bedside table. It was already ten, which meant the session was over. He sighed, splaying his limbs out like a starfish. He felt boneless, like he could melt into the mattress. His body felt looser and more relaxed than it had ever been. But now that glow of his orgasm had dissolved, a strange sense of forlornness started to creep in at the edges. He hadn’t been lying when he said it was good. Despite his initial awkwardness, Xuning had been gentle and patient with him. Suowei had read a lot of stories about how horribly wrong bottoming for the first time could go, but Xuning had made it both a comfortable and pleasurable experience for him.

But it would have been even better, if Xuning hadn’t rolled out of bed as soon as he caught his breath.

It would have been even better, if there were a little time left over for them to cuddle.

Well, that was on him, he supposed. He had wasted too much time crying. Xuning didn’t run out the door the moment the clock struck ten, so he would be grateful for just that.

Xuning returned with a towel and a cup of water. He took a seat beside Suowei. He wiped down Suowei’s belly, between his thighs, his ass, and even though his touch didn’t linger, Suowei felt himself blushing hotly. Afterwards, Xuning handed Suowei a cup of water, which Suowei accepted with both hands.

“Thanks for tonight,” Suowei said. “I had a really good time.”

Xuning smiled at him. “Me too. You were great.”

“I didn’t even do anything,” Suowei said. “You did all the work.”

“You were an enthusiastic participant, so that made it fun for me, too.”

Xuning probably said the same thing to every client. Still, it made Suowei happy to hear it.

“If you ever want to do this again, you know how to reach me. No pressure, though.” Xuning stood. “I should probably head out, though.”

“Oh, right, of course. Sorry we went a bit over time. Can I pay you?”

“It’s just a few minutes. Don’t worry about it.” Xuning was getting dressed again, tugging his shirt down over his head and then pulling his pants back up.

Suowei set his glass down on the nightstand and began to swing his legs out of bed. “Oh, I can—”

Xuning stopped him. “It’s okay. I can see myself out. Get some rest, okay?”

“Okay. Um—have a good night.”

“Goodnight, Suowei,” Xuning said with a smile. Then, without another word, he turned around on his heel and left.

Suowei sat at the edge of the bed and listened to the floorboard creak slightly under Xuning’s weight as he made his way out. Not long after, Suowei heard the front door open and then close again. The apartment fell quiet. Suowei was alone again.

It would have been better, Suowei thought as he stared down at his lap, if he had had sex with someone who actually wanted him, and not his money.

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