#goa'uld

[snottysocks]

I love Stargate dearly, but every so often I need to reprocess the fact that the main series villains are:

Cunty little worms

Sentient grey Lego bricks

The Spanish Inquisition

[janetfraiserspenlight]

Just found this on Pinterest and I just

Goa'uld...

[pegasusgalaxybedsr2small]

The Goa'uld Ratatouilled his ass.

Bonus shitty panel:

Source of the Wheeze template: my humor 2016 - the boys have breached containment

[multiverse-of-misfits]

Can you imagine the Goa'ulds trying to set themselves up as gods today, based on who they think we already treat like gods?

[rikercard]

Nice eyeliner, snakehead

[velvetwar]

A rating of Stargate's Goa'uld System Lords based on how much cunt they serve.

Apophis

10/10 serves cunt all day. The OG cunt.

Sokar

Look, it's 90s Voldemort. He's a huge cunt. 9/10.

Seth

Is pretty cunty but also kind of a Chad, so, 6/10.

Anubis

20/10. Can only dream of (d)evolving until I serve this much cunt.

Tanith

I think he's not a system lord technically but whatevs. Serves a ton of cunt. Is British so extra cunty. Evil but also kinda cute? I mean if I had to bring a Goa'uld to prom I would bring this guy I guess. 9/10.

Osiris

Also British and also very cunty. She's also sorta trans, though tbh it sounds like most of the Goa'uld are which is pretty cool. Daniel's other ill-fated Goa'uld'd girlfriend. (Jack got Goa'uld'd too. Hell they all did. Yet somehow it never happened to Daniel, he just died every other possible way.)

She serves more cunt in her scenes than she does in this photo. I'd bring her to the prom but she'd probably kick my ass. 8/10.

Nirrti

Who is this actress she's beautiful. Oh yeah. Nirrti's a huge cunt. 9/10.

Heru'ur

I don't remember this guy very well but I'm giving him 9/10 based on the cunt he serves in this picture alone.

Cronus

Looks like an extra from Lord of the Rings. In the show he's pretty cunty cause they all are but I'm still giving him 4/10.

Ba'al

Ohhh lord. Huge cunt. Why does he have to be hot (he tortured Jack :( ). I should probably start reading fanfic about him. Total bastard but then later comic relief, for some reason. 11/10.

Yu

This is not his cuntiest photo. I picked it cause of slave!Daniel in the background. The disproportion of POC bad guys in Stargate is pretty racist. Yu served all the cunt he could under the circumstances and I find that it was quite a bit of cunt. 8/10.

Ra

Is maybe 12, but you gotta start serving cunt out of the womb if you wanna get anywhere in life. The first Goa'uld we ever meet, from the '94 movie. 7/10. (If I could put James Spader on the list he would be 10/10 that bitch is always serving full cunt. He and Shanks should have had a cunt-off.)

Not included: Hathor for reasons, others cause these are the cunts I like.

(p.s. What other Stargate lists should I make?)

[blazeysgc]

I'm genuinely surprised that they didn't write an episode where the Wraith and Goa'uld meet. Seems like a waste of potential and honestly…comedy! I can imagine the Goa'uld being so confident and cocky, then having their egos crushed by a Wraith queen. Who'd just be like “who the fuck this little man with a tiny ship think he is, talking to me like that?” And the Goa'uld being terrified by the fact that the more powerful aliens are being led by women, can’t be controlled by the symbiote, and could kill them very easily if they wanted.

It could have honestly been just an episode without Sheppard's team all together. Just one hive and one Ha’tak randomly crossing paths, not knowing about each other's existence till then. The Goa'uld man in charge making fun of the queen for being a woman in charge. Making her completely humble him and being like “you know what. I'm blowing up your pathetic little ship and taking your bitches, how bout that?”

Meanwhile the male wraith just watching like "you tell them mommy"

[slippery-domjot-balls]

How many different pronunciations of Goa'uld can we come up with?