I have got this headcanon in my mind. Do you think whenever Percy loses control of his powers and accidentally blows up a volcano, rips up a riverbed from its bedrock and causes other mass disasters leaving nothing but destruction in his wake, he feels some semblance of relief immediately after his powers have exploded, if only for a moment?
He always keeps such ridiculously tight leash on himself, on his powers. keeps such high control on his anger. Aside from the few notable moments, which were all completely reasonable and justified flight or fight responses, there's no instance of Percy losing his temper unnecessarily. His sarcasm notwithstanding.
Quite literally because he often says phrases like "something uncoiled in my gut" or "I felt a tugging sensation" or the famous "something snapped/broke inside me" before using his powers.
He keeps them in a coiled leash. And he does the same to his feelings. Suppresses them. Let's other people's injustice and hurt against him just sit there inside him wrapped taut and then something like this happens and it all explodes out and for one glorious moment do you think he feels free, feels some relief?
Since he is incapable of letting it out the natural way, this is how most of his emotions find release. And that he feels so immensely guilty every time he feels that relief. He considers it traitorous and uses it to amplify his self-loathing.
That he is somehow living up to someone unsaid prophecy about his own name. Περσεύς (Perseús) means "to destroy" or "one who destroys." Usually, it is simply shortened to The Destroyer.
And every time he lives up to his name, he hates it more. That's why it's always Percy and never Perseus despite the power associated with the name. Names have power, and his more so than any other. Twice savior of Olympus. The "mortal" who almost killed a Primordial. That shouldn't be within bounds of a demigod. A mortal body should have cracked under the weight of such powers ages ago. Something has to give.
Indeed, names have power, but what if the individual hates his own name? Does that act as a leash on his power? Is that what is singlehandedly keeping his mortality intact? Are his outbursts of uncontrolled power signs of his divine side flaring? A sign of his ascension that he is countering tooth and nail with every fiber of his being.
Because think of it this way, Percy is the only one who has had 3 back to back offers for immortality, and he has denied each one. It's as if he is defying his destined fate by going against it. And, the cosmos is doing everything in its power to balance the scales by repeatedly making it so that eventually Percy will have no other alternative but immortality.
Given the absolutely awful and spirit breaking situations Percy's been through so far, he has maintained beyond exemplary control in most situations. The way it is going, he is shackled by demigods' expectations, obligations he did not ask for, responsibilities that are not his and more. Still, he does his best to keep everything under control despite more or less a lack of support from most of his acquaintances. Nevertheless, even Percy's patience is not eternal.
I know Dark Percy is a popular idea, but Percy is too good and too kind, inherently so to ever walk down that path. But I am all for Percy having some outbursts. My guy deserves a good few crashouts after everything he has been through. No questions asked.
